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you still longed for him all the same, but you understood more and more that dealing with abstinence was way easier than facing his rejection over and over again. sakusa on the other hand came to realize more and more how he missed your touch and the warmth of your love that seemed to dwindle by the day.

he didn’t even realize when it all began. it dawned on him during a completely irrelevant setting‒his soft-spoken italicized “oh” moment. he was in the middle of practice, sweaty and exhausted, surrounded by his larger-than-life chaotic teammates. you were the last thing on his mind supposedly, but he suddenly thought how weird it was that you didn’t try to kiss him before he went to work. i mean i was going to dodge it anyway, he thought to himself dismissively. he’s been telling himself that for the past two weeks.

he found you on the couch, deeply invested in the show you’re watching on your laptop. you spared him a haphazard glance when you heard him open the front door but didn’t say anything. he’s had an exceptionally shitty day and he would be fine if you would just pull him to your chest and stroke his hair like you used to wherever he had a bad day.

“i’m home,” he subtly tried getting your attention.

i already know. “welcome home,” you replied instead.

sakusa prowled around you quietly, observing how you completely ignored him. he disposed of his mask and set his duffel bag down on a settee before sitting on the opposite corner of the couch, eyeing you expectantly.

you raised an eyebrow inquisitively as you pressed the spacebar to pause what you were watching. before you could open your mouth to ask him if he needed anything, he placed his hand above yours completely startling you. you didn’t mean to retract your hand so quick it was almost offensive, but you were glad you did.

his mouth fell open in both surprise and bewilderment and something in you snapped.

“i don’t-”

“what are you doing?” you questioned, voice formidable and eyebrows knitted in annoyance.

“sorry i-i was just trying to hold your hand,” he reiterated the obvious but looked genuinely puzzled as to why you were reacting in such a way.

“why?” one word was all it took for your voice to break and you hated yourself for it. you bared yourself in front of him enough and didn’t want him to witness you in such a vulnerable state but the more you tried to hold back, the more you wanted to break down. “why, sakusa is it because you are thoroughly touch starved and now you want my affection because you can’t get it anywhere else?”

the anger laced in your sharp words stung as they reached him. he recoiled from the look in your eyes, and he finally figured out how much he messed up. “it’s not like that,” he reasoned quietly, now unable to look you in your vindictive eyes.

“well do fucking tell. why? why is it that you avoid me-no push me away so much more than you do literally everyone else?” tears ran down your cheeks. it felt warm, comforting.

sakusa shrunk back even more, not liking how devoid of care and gentleness your eyes were. it made his stomach churn, an unfamiliar feeling. “i’m sorry,” was all he managed to say, gaining a bitter scoff from you. “i’m truly sorry for being so distant. i’m not just initiating it now because i need it, please believe me. i’ve been wanting to hold you for the past few weeks but i was scared.”

“bullshit,” you snarked. tears welled up in his eyes and fear bubbled in his chest. “you were always distant with me right from the start because-admit it or not, you’re still hung up on your ex.” since he wasn’t getting to the point, you did instead. “don’t pretend like you don’t longingly look at your pictures together.”

a look of panic flashes across his features before he’s shaking his head frantically. “no, no, no, it’s not what you think. i-i washung up and them and i was looking at our old pictures but… i just-i was afraid of getting that close to someone again and getting hurt-”

“don’t lie to me.”

“baby, please i’m telling the truth. what i did was inexcusable. i was a shitty boyfriend, but i’m willing to try harder. i can make things right. i love you and i know that now, please.”

“this is unfair, sakusa.”

his heart ached so much in his chest, he was pretty sure it got snapped in half hearing you say those words with such lifelessness and anguish. “i know, i know i’m unfair and i treated you so bad but please believe me. i love you, please,” he sobbed. “i’ll do anything, i swear. i’ll wait however long it takes just please let me make it better.”

your quietness, though it doesn’t make the situation even remotely better, gave him hope because silence wasn’t a yes. more importantly, silence wasn’t a no either.

it was the first time he was the one to be pushed away and he wondered if it felt just as painful for you for all the countless times he did.

bokuto koutaro

bokuto likes to give his best at whatever he does, loving is no different. he goes all out like usual. he spoils you with a huge bouquet of someone else’s favorite flowers, so extravagant that you could hide behind it if you tried. the way you hide behind his past lover’s identity. he brings home what he swears is your favorite food after extended hours of practice to make up for lost time. and you swallow it down the way you swallow your pride every day when he mistakes you for someone else. you don’t have the heart nor the guts to say you don’t really eat that. he surprises you with gifts saying “i remember you’ve always wanted to have this, so i got it for you!” but you don’t have it in you to tell him it’s no surprise how he got it wrong again. “no, koutaro,” you wanted to say. “i’ve only ever wanted you to love me the way i do,” you think in your head but you can’t will yourself to voice it out. you fiddle with the ring and its excessively large diamond. he mistakes your tears from that of joy and pulls you in his arms.

miya atsumu

atsumu absolutely sucks at taking care of himself even though he’s an athlete and needs to be in tiptop shape at all times. but he swears he does a better job at taking care of you. he rhythmically treats you like royalty every few weeks or so. he goes out of his way to make sure your fridge and pantry is filled with more junk food than there are healthy options. copious offers of bubble baths and cuddles and back rubs and playing with your hair. when he changes the sheets you assume he’s just being tidy for a change. when the bathroom is stocked with enough pads to bleed yourself to death twice you assume it’s better to be safe than sorry. you don’t assume, you pretend not to notice that your period ended two weeks ago and the reminders he had set on his phone were for someone else and he never got around deleting them. when he tediously picks blueberries out of your food you assume—no, you pretend not to know you’re not the one allergic to them. “you take such good care of people, atsumu.” you mean it with all your heart. he just doesn’t take care of you.

suna rintaro

suna thinks he sucks at expressing his feelings just because he can’t find the words to say, but he doesn’t know he’s pretty good at showing them through little things. he sends you memes and jokes at the ungodliest hours and you laugh. the punchline is that he keeps sending inside jokes he shared with someone else and you couldn’t feel any more stupid than when you try to understand them. he shares his earphones with you every chance he gets and plays the same playlist with all your favorite songs. he hums to the tune and half-expects you to sing along but it doesn’t occur to him that you don’t know the words, you’ve never even heard of it before. he drops off a few hoodies at your place before away games so you don’t miss him too much, that’s what he says. he even sprays your favorite perfume of his so you feel like he’s right there beside you. you get a whiff and you could have sworn you told him you like the other scent better. you’ve never felt so far away from him as you did then. the distance couldn’t be traveled by bus or foot or even when he went home after the games because it's the kind that sets your heart apart. he thinks he sucks at expressing his feelings, but he lets you know just fine that you are the farthest thing in his mind all the time.

sakusa kiyoomi

there was a tap on your shoulder. you turned around, the grin on your lips faltering when you realized it wasn't your boyfriend but someone you hoped you'd never see.

he scoffed at your reaction before leaning his face level with yours. "watched the game with your new boyfriend? didn't peg you as someone interested in sports, not when we were together at least," he snorted.

yes and no. yes, you watched the game not with but of your boyfriend. no, you were never athletic or that interested in sports but it's different when your boyfriend played the sport himself–with so much joy and passion at that. how could you not indulge him when he excitedly explains the game to you and entertains all your questions eagerly despite having to repeat himself a few times. when he turns to you with bright eyes whenever he scores a point as if he's just as impressed and surprised as you are. when he runs to hug you after, "did you see that, did you see what i did?" as he bounced on his feet like a little kid. similarly, he listens intently as you rant about the shows your watching and chimes in his own theories and opinions. he adoringly watches you doing your own hobbies and is utterly amazed. he supports your dreams and ambitions and wholeheartedly believes in you. a stark contrast to the person in front of you who always made you feel... invalid. in all aspects.

bile rose up your throat, but you managed to put on a fake smile, scrunching your nose. "hm i'm actually waiting for him, so if you excuse me." you swiftly turned on your heel but he caught your wrist and pulled you back, causing your heart to stop.

"hey where do you think you're going," he cooed, his tone more menacing and dark than before. "we could wait for your boyfriend right here, while we catch up."

you dropped the facade and straight up glared at him, trying to wriggle out of his grasp. he didn't get the chance to hit you before when you were together, but he was always aggressive–slamming doors, throwing stuff across the room, punching walls, death grip on your shoulders and wrists. if you hadn't left him sooner, he would have eventually gotten a lot more physical with you. that thought alone scared you even when you weren't together anymore. he still acted as if he had every right.

"i have nothing to say to you. quite frankly i don't give a shit about you or what's going on in your life."

he let out a bitter chuckle, refusing to let go of you. "shame, it's just because i think you've put on a bit of weight. you seemed to have let go of yourself hm?"

taken aback, your mouth hung open. you tried to find the words to bark back at him but your mind went blank. you scolded yourself for allowing him to have such an effect but most of all you couldn't fathom how highly he must have thought of himself to talk and act like that.

satisfied with the way you stopped struggling as he hit a nerve, he continued provoking you. "how do you expect anyone to love you-no at least just like you when you look like that, come on," he clicked his tongue.

tears welled up in your eyes out of pure anger and hatred, but you weren't going to let him see that. you swallowed thickly at the lump in your throat. your voice was shaky but you managed to tell him off with finality. "that's fucking rich coming from you and your inexistent hygiene. you have no right to treat me like shit again, not when we were together and most certainly not when we are not."

you could tell he was always so used to having his way and having the final say on things as you saw his jaw clench and eyes twitch. he was fuming and his grip impossibly becoming tighter.

a breath of relief huffed out of your mouth as you heard a group of people approaching, that must be bokuto and the team. your heart swelled as you spot him in the crowd, tall and brooding as usual.

"you guys go on ahead," he called after his teammates as he jogged over to you. his smile was quickly wiped off when his eyes trailed to where your ex had his unwelcome grip on you. you took the opportunity to finally yank your hand away and rub the spot he had grasped.

"hey, babe what's going on?" he wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you flush against his side out of instinct. he stared the man down with a scowl you were pretty sure you'd never seen before.

"nothing," your ex was all too quick to answer, teeth clenched in annoyance. you felt like you narrowly missed him getting physical with you again and you shuddered at the thought. "i was just leaving anyway."

it was bokuto's turn to put a death grip on him and you noticed how your ex winced in the slightest. you kept your grin to yourself. your boyfriend turned to look at you, eyes gentle and voice soft. "is everything alright, princess? did he do something?"

your heart fluttered at that. you glanced up at your ex, he had a look of panic in his eyes yet he tried to mask it with annoyance. as satisfying as it was to watch him be put in his place, you didn't want to give him the luxury of your care. you would have paid good money to watch him get smacked in the face, by your beefcake of a boyfriend no less, but you deemed him unworthy of you and bokuto's time and energy.

you wrapped your arms around bokuto's waist, snuggling to his chest as you provokingly smile up at your ex. "forget about it, kou. we have so many better things to do. let's not waste our time with him." bokuto melted into your touch, hesitantly freeing him.

he placed a kiss on your temple as you skipped your way to his car. you could feel he was still uneasy about the encounter but you didn't wanna ruin both of your moods over something as useless as that.

"what was that even about, what did he tell you?"

you playfully pouted at him. "hm a lot of nasty things i would not care to repeat. anyway do you think i gained weight?" you let go of his hand to raise your arms on either side and do a little spin for bokuto. as nonchalant and playful as you tried to put it, you can't help but feel bothered.

he stopped in his tracks, the expression on his face was unreadable. he didn't answer but grabbed your hand instead and led you to his car.

hand on the steering wheel and eyes trailed forward, he finally spoke. "first of all i don't know what he said exactly. in hindsight i might have done something pretty bad if i found out."

you offered a tight lipped cheeky smile as he turned to you.

"second of all you should have at least let me hit him one time."

"hm no, jerks who use a singular bar of soap for the entirety of their hygiene do not deserve rights. you're too good to give him the time of day."

you both broke out to a hearty chuckle, touching his arm and leaning your head against his shoulder. you opened your mouth to speak but bokuto beat you to it.

"and yes i think you did gain weight."

you stared at him confused, eyebrows raised and mouth agape.

"because i take good care of you. you look so much happier and healthier as opposed to when you lost weight because you were always stressed and miserable because of him." you searched his eyes for a hint of insincerity, but they were almost sparkling with adoration and love. "i think you look perfect. i love you, every part of you."

he reached over to hold your cheek, your face heating up at the gesture. you leaned against his touch, eyes glossed over.

"i love you, kou. literally how did i get so lucky."

he placed a quick peck on the tip of your nose, starting the engine to distract you from the blush appearing on his face.

miya atsumu

dating the miya atsumu has been everything but boring. you knew he had a lot of dedicated fan girls, so to speak. though rest assured atsumu only had eyes for you, you still loved to look your best whenever you went out together.

especially since this was your first fancy dinner date and night out with him in a while, you went all out—the dress, the hair, the makeup, the shoes and accessories. atsumu couldn’t help but feel as though he won the lottery.

he couldn’t keep his hands to himself all night, always an arm around your waist or a hand resting on your thigh. he kept checking you out, too like he was trying to gather the courage to shoot his shot with you. he was being an adorable little dork and your biggest hypeman.

you both weren’t sure where to go after you’ve indulged in a fancy dinner at some high end restaurant and your boyfriend was dead set on showing you off. he argued that you spent so much time and effort to look this good and he didn’t want to waste that. luckily though his teammates were out drinking on this lovely saturday evening and you both decided to crash in.

the loud music buzzed through the walls and floor, the lights were dim and colorful and just as intoxicating, bodies clashed and melted into each other on the dance floor.

you were left alone in your booth as atsumu went to get more drinks, the rest of the guys were just scattered around the club and making the most out of their well deserved break.

“if it isn’t y/n,” a voice you immediately recognized, despite being tipsy from the alcohol, half-shouted from behind you.

you spared him an uninterested eyes, bringing your glass to your lips as you rolled your eyes. “what the hell do you want from me?”

he claimed a seat across from you, propping his elbows up. “have you no shame?” he clicked his tongue disapprovingly. “dressed like a slut surrounded by all those men what would your new little boyfriend think of this behavior?”

you put your glass down with a bit more force than intended, spilling some of the drink on the table. “that’s none of your business. get lost.”

“it is if you’re acting like a whore right after we broke up, don’t you have a little bit of respect left for me or yourself?” he continued to taunt, leaning back on his seat.

you narrowed your eyes, rage bubbling up from the utter bullshit he was spewing. “you have always acted like a whore when we were together. i say this again, whatever i choose to do with my life is none of your fucking business. leave,” you gritted through your teeth.

a laugh resounded from behind you followed by a chaste kiss on the crook of your neck. atsumu claimed his seat beside you as he set your drinks down. you and your ex both looked at him surprised and confused. he draped an arm over your thighs and crossed his leg over the other obnoxiously. “oh by the way i think she looks fucking hot.”

you blinked back at him, confused.

“you were wondering what would your new little boyfriend think of this behavior,” he mocked in a whiny voice, making you snicker. “i think she looks hot and i’m glad she’s having fun.” he glared at him through his lashes as he took a long sip from his drink.

after a beat of awkward silence in your booth, your ex finally scoffed. “you should keep your girlfriend on a short leash. she’s known to mess around with other guys when we were still together.”

you rolled your eyes but before you could open your mouth to deny his entirely wrong claim, atsumu leaned over, setting his glass down. he looked almost amused with his bored eyes and slight smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “is she known for that really or did you just spread those rumors when your ego couldn’t handle being dumped, rightly so i might add.”

annoyed and humiliated, your ex struggled to find a response but refused to back down. he looked at you instead, sneering. “oh i see, i get it now. you just really love the attention don’t you? you love having men gawk at you and your boyfriend thinks you’re all that.”

“oh get over yourself,” you scoffed folding your arms over your chest. “your head must be so far up your ass to think i look like this for you or anyone else for that matter.”

atsumu chuckled, shaking his head. “mhm, trust me you’re the farthest thing on her mind especially when i get to fuck her senseless when we get home.”

you snapped your head at your boyfriend, eyes wide and cheeks burning with embarrassment. “tsumu!” you half-whispered half-shouted, pinching his side.

“oops sorry, guess i wasn’t supposed to say that,” he laughed as he gathered your things in his hands. “just thought you should know, since you act like your opinion still matters.”

you were silent the whole way home, unsure of how to feel. you were furious that your ex had the nerve to say such degrading words at you to the point where you wondered if he was right. although atsumu defended you, being the cocky bastard he was, you wondered how he felt about other people checking you out.

your ex used to scold you for dressing up, accusing you of seeing someone else behind his back. he used to be annoyed at you whenever you got catcalled or checked out in public, saying it could have been avoided if you dressed modestly.

“tsum, do you think…” you couldn’t bring yourself to finish the words, suddenly being conflicted and hating yourself. an involuntary sob escaped your lips as atsumu pulled up to the driveway.

he pulled you into his chest wordlessly and stroked your hair. “what we’re not going to do is let that idiot’s words get to you, okay? i’m sorry he ruined your night, angel. i’m here, it’s okay.”

“but i- it’s my fault. i shouldn’t have-“

“i don’t care,” he announced, making you stare up at him with teary eyes. “dress however you want, i can fight,” he grinned, flexing his arms in an attempt to make you smile.

it worked.

he placed a kiss on your forehead before thumbing your tears away. “we both know he was just trying to get in your head. i won’t let him fuck with your mind like that anymore okay? i love you, angel.”

you sniffled a small “i love you too”, making him smile to himself.

“let’s go inside, i’ll make sure we end this night on a nice note,” he whispered, giving you a playful wink. you chuckled but felt your face heat up once more, recalling he was going to fulfill the promise he made back at the club.

sakusa kiyoomi

you and sakusa were quite the opposites but that’s exactly why you worked—you balanced each other out nicely. he was quiet and reserved, you were chatty and cheerful. you rambled about the million different things going on in your pretty little head, and he listened intently.

likewise, sakusa was often busy with training. days like these, when you got to go out with him doing all sorts of fun stuff, didn’t come often so you wanted to make the most out of it. your boyfriend was surprisingly willing to indulge you in a full day of going around town, sightseeing and shopping, trying out different food you saw along the way.

you were both pretty spent by sunset. your last stop happened to be a quaint cafe with homey and aesthetic interior. you thought nothing could possibly ruin the wonderful day you had just spent with your boyfriend.

as always, you were doing most of the talking while sakusa gave you curt replies, simple head nods and shakes. it didn’t mean he was any less interested or happy though. he felt at ease despite having been around people all day because you were around. you held his hand, gave him reassuring smiles, and made sure he was alright. whenever he felt uncomfortable, you would always put him first and his heart swelled every time because he always felt how much you cared about him.

though you felt you were talking his ears off, he made sure you knew he was enjoying your company through little gestures. he would give your hand a gentle squeeze, recall the story you were telling to see if he got the details of the gossip right, he would occasionally give his opinions on the things you thought of buying, and pose shyly for your spontaneous picture taking.

“omi you look like a pinterest boy,” you squealed, fishing your phone out of your pocket to snap a quick photo. you could barely tell, but he was smiling under his mask.

“is that supposed to be a compliment,” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

you bite back a grin, reaching over to brush his curls away from his face. “a huge one.” he was startled at first, but a blush quickly crept up his face to where his mask couldn’t hide it. you giggled, making him playfully swat your hand away.

you excused yourself to order for the both of you.

“still overbearing as ever i see,” a voice whispered from behind you.

you quickly turned around to see your ex sneering down at you. “excuse me?” you huffed, taking a cautious step back. the cafe was slightly crowded but he was the last person you ever expected to see, especially after the lovely day you just had.

“it’s just that you haven’t changed at all. you are still so unbearably annoying,” he enunciated with spite as he motioned to where sakusa was sat, busy scrolling through his phone.

“you have no idea what you’re talking about. i just wanna get coffee, so excuse me,” you dismissed him quickly, not wanting him to notice how your heart clenched at his words.

you recalled the absolute torture you went through with him when he would push and pull you away whenever he pleased, until eventually dumping you because you were “too much”—too clingy, affectionate, talkative, that you didn’t leave him space to breathe because you were always hovering over him.

he clicked his tongue, stopping you mid step. you should have just went to the counter, you took note. “can’t believe you never learned your lesson. i feel so bad for your new guy, he looks so fed up with you already.”

there was a satisfied smirk on his face when you turned to look at him. what were you even supposed to say to him? you knew he was purposely riling you up, and it worked.

“i’m not sure what you want me to say to that,” you spat glaring at him, balling your fists.

“exactly, nothing because you know i’m right. i was right all along that you wouldn’t find anybody who would want to put up with your bullshit,” he snickered humorlessly.

“speak for yourself,” sakusa’s cold tone cut through the conversation abruptly. he towered above your ex as he stood his full height and looked down at him, almost in disgust.

“what’s taking so long?” he jerked his head towards you.

you stammered for an answer, so your boyfriend grabbed your hand instead and pulled you to his side. he was never big on pda and so were you, but your heart danced around in your chest giddily nonetheless.

“you must be so awfully miserable with your life that you feel the need to drill those thoughts into her head,” he retorted, eyes narrowing at your stunned ex. “quite frankly you’re the intolerable one so you have to gaslight and manipulate the shit out of someone into staying with you,” he snickered, pulling his mask down to flaunt his vicious grin.

he turned to you with a soft smile, kissing your temple before hauling you away. “let’s go, love. this place suddenly became filthy and disgusting for some reason. it reeks.”

“i don’t find you annoying or anything,” sakusa awkwardly blurted out as you quietly sipped your iced coffee in an entirely different cafe, one with an open rooftop and a breathtaking view. “i’m not very good with words… or actions for that matter but i really love you and your clinginess and affection.”

you stared at him with the drink still your hand as you struggled to find the words to say. he looked away and rubbed the back of his neck shyly, which only made you want to smother him more. you hopped off your seat and nuzzled to his side. he was glad you were too busy teasing him to notice how much he was blushing.

“awww omi i love you too,” you cooed. “i knew you loved my teasing all along!” you repeatedly poked his sides, making him jerk away.

when he seized your hand and looked you in the eyes, bringing his face a few inches from yours, you faltered. “you’re trying to brush it off, but i know he messed you up badly. just because i suck at showing it, doesn’t mean i love you any less.”

the sudden vulnerabilty, in a public place no less, tugged at your emotions. the tears rolled down your cheeks on their own.

chuckling, sakusa ruffled your hair and pulled you into a quick hug. “finish that already, i can’t wait to go home and shower,” he muttered, changing the subject.

“it’s too late for that now, yuuji. you’re my bad habit,” the last bit comes off as a mumble and you feel heat creeping up your cheeks. you play it off by reaching back for the cigarette between his fingers, adorned with pretty silver rings, determined to prove a point—to make yourself fit in to his own little world just a bit more.

terushima would probably kill you faster than the time it takes for the nic to settle in your body, you reckon. he knocks the air out of your lungs all the same with the way he says your name, the way he plops you in front of your vanity and does your hair. he looks up at the mirror to sneak a glance at you but always find that you’re already staring at him intently. he’s always the first to break eye contact, not before throwing you a flirtatious wink and shakes his head as he lightly chuckles to himself.

you thought you’d eventually get used to the itch in your throat the more cigarettes you light, you thought the bitter aftertaste would soon turn sweet because why else would so many people be addicted to the high it brings? well, you thought wrong the similar way you thought wrong about terushima.

you thought you’d eventually get used to the burn behind your eyes when you hold back tears, helplessly watching him bury his face into the crook of her neck, littering soft kisses along her skin. it’s not like the first time he’s pushing you aside in favor of pleasing some girl he’s hooking up with at the moment; the tightness in your throat when he asks you “what is wrongwith you?” and “why are you acting this way? it’s so dramatic and, it-it’s so unlike you.”; the bitterness in your tongue when he kisses you in a drunken haze, he tastes like mint and liquor and cigarettes and regret. why are youand so many people be addicted to the high he brings?

“it was a mistake,” he blurts out nonchalantly. but you don’t want it to be a mistake. you want him to kiss you again the next morning you find yourselves tangled in each other’s arms. for good measure, with certainty and sincerity.

instead, he pushes you off of him in a panicked rush, throws a shirt over his head and bolts out the door.

you swear you’d be able to quit the habit as quickly as you picked it up, but you find yourself lighting a cigaretter after the slightest inconvenience. the smoke fills your lungs, and you finally feel the air you breathe again, throwing your head back and closing your eyes as you exhale a steady stream of smoke.

you swear you don’t need him like you don’t need your vices. so you couldn’t understand why you’re always grappling to reach for terushima whether you’re happy, sad, indifferent. nonetheless, you have to learn to live without him and the temporary rush he brings as he sweeps you off your feet every time.

terushima wonders if it had always been this empty and desolate without you, and he has no one else to blame but himself. when he pushed you away that fateful morning-after, he didn’t know you would actually go. he always had his arms full of the next pretty girl lined up vying for his attention and when he didn’t, he had you. there was not a single dull moment in his life, really. he could have the fun and the chase with anyone else whenever he pleased but always came back to you for comfort, familiarity, security.

selfishly so he realizes he loves you, in an obscure shabby parking lot of all places, when he sees a guy that isn’t him light the cigarette between your lips, cradling the flame between yours and his hands and faces unnecessary huddled close with each other.

you’ve thrown the word love around haphazardly since you became best friends but with the way his chest tightens and fists clench at the sight, he concludes he loves you like he’s willing to change. he loves you like he’s afraid of the mere thought of holding someone else in his arms; loves you like he’s finally ready to wake up to your mouth hanging open, drool at the corner of your lips, your soft snores, and unruly hair every morning; loves you like braiding your hair or touching up your roots on lazy sunday afternoons and letting you put his up on strawberry pins and pink ponytails.

“i didn’t realize you picked up on that habit,” he mumbles as he finally approaches you and the stranger.

you swallow a lump in your throat as you feel your stomach drop. how long has it been since you last saw him, last spoke to each other? too long, you figure.

“i quit one habit and replaced it with another is all,” you shrug. you give him a hard stare as the syllables drag out your mouth before looking away and heaving a puff. you and terushima both know the weight your words hold.

he clutches his black helmet in one hand, struggling to find the right words to say. his eyes dart between you and the other man as he intently reads your expression before slipping the heavy material over his head. he kicks the stand off the motorcycle and straddles the seat in a swift motion. he busies himself with tightening his black leather gloves around his wrists and you finally gain the courage to look back in his direction.

“how about i work on being someone who isn’t bad for you?” his words are muffled but they reach your ears loud and clear, making them burn up from the sudden profession. through the little window on his helmet, you see his all too serious eyes expectantly waiting for an answer with his brows raised.

“i’m the bad habit you quit right? well what if i stop being bad for you. you think that would work?”

“i-i don’t know, yuuji. i mean—”

“would you give me a chance if i tried to be better for you, it’s a yes or no question, angel,” and there was his usual all too cocky tone. you can almost see the smirk on his lips.

“i-uh… yes?”

“good. i’ll be at your place later tonight.” he sticks his keys in and kicks the engine to a start while you’re left to watch him back up from the parking space, dumbfoundedly. “get her home safely,” he calls to the man you’re with with a curt nod, you almost forgot he was even there in the first place.

a beat of awkward silence passes, the cigarette has reduced to ashes in between your fingers by the time you snap back into reality. you flick it onto the concrete and put it out with a stomp.

bad habits are hard to break, but terushima would rather break his own than have you quit on him.

@mirakeul @realityisabitch-blr @erinoikawa @haji-bby @seijohoe @szeonn @banananaa4 @qualitygiantshoepsychic @thezebra12 @iwaizumisunshine @stffychn @vvvselfindulgence @devilgirlcrybabiey @ebiharachan @coco96 @knmsapplepi @strawberryzos @iwasunshine @bidisaster1307 @jesssobs @asaitashi @duhsies @devilsbooksworld @littlemochi @mikeystomanjacket @noitsmrleorio @agasheeee @crystal-lilac @miyadarling @roanniee @lemonz-z @softsakusas @your-girl-mj @kuroomiya @ninjamomo @tsumomii @akarisroom @hello0i @crustycookiebestie @shanthesamurai @pelicanpizza @kuroosatoru @floweyy @lomlparker @naviation-xx @kenmasdiscordkitty @random-734 @kellesvt @tooru-luvs @singularly-gifted-witch

you stare blankly at your laptop, the white negative space in the google document you’re supposed to be working on with terushima mocks you in a glaring light against the pitch-black darkness of your dorm. eyes flick to the bottom right-hand corner and the clock reads 3:47 am, you sigh before pushing yourself up the mattress into a sitting position.

you’re not going to fall asleep anytime soon, might as well start working on terushima’s part if you want to have at least somethingto present to your professor for initial consultation. a second cursor appears out of thin air and starts navigating through the document. you frown, blinking a few times to make sure your eyes aren’t deceiving you. sure enough, a tiny flag pops above the cursor spelling out his name.

he moves his cursor right above yours, pausing briefly before it starts typing out “What are you doing still awake, pretty? >:)”. you scoff in disbelief at his childishness and weirdly enough at his correct use of commas even as he’s flirting. through google docs.

“What do you think, asshat. I was going to start your parts because you ghosted me,” you type away furiously, biting your lip as you watch him conjure up a reply.

“I wasn’t ghosting you! I drafted all my parts in the past week.”

“Yeah right, you liar.”

seconds pass and the little yellow cursor you’re talking to, like an avatar on some virtual game, disappears. you roll your eyes and chuckle bitterly almost too soon, confirming your own suspicions. but he pops back up and starts pasting all this parts on the blank spaces while your mouth falls agape.

“I think you owe me an apology for even doubting me in the first place,” he notes at the bottom.

“Whatever. A head’s up would have been nice, Terushima.”

“It’s not like I have your number or something ;)”

you close in on yourself, sinking deeper into the oversized hoodie you’re wearing. you frown at the screen but you’re all too self-aware of the ache and warmth that creeps up your cheeks the longer you stare at the message. you swear your heart leaps when you see his cursor start moving again before you could even reply.

“I remember your roommate, you’re in the west wing, right?”

“What, why?” you almost jump through the screen, heart beating rapidly.

“I’m coming over so we can talk about the project.”

“Like hell you are! Why do you even know where my dorm is?”

“I have my sources. Besides it’s more productive if we work on it together. :)”

you groan in frustration, falling back onto your bed. you gently toss your laptop to the side and reach for a pillow, stuffing your face and screaming into it. true to his word, there are three faint knocks at the door after a few minutes. you begrudgingly peep through the hole, hoping it’s just your roommate coming back from a hookup. you squeeze your eyes shut, forehead resting against the door with a dull thud when you see Terushima with his plain black shirt and grey sweats, unkempt blonde hair with streaks of a rich brown shade at the roots, one hand holding a bag of stuff, the other typing away at his phone.

you poke your head out through a small opening you make, whisper-yelling, “get out of here!”

he simply grins and pushes past you, sauntering into the dorm like he owns the place. he plops the bag of what you assumed to be convenience store junk food onto your desk and drags a chair from across the room, placing it next to your own seat. he sits and stretches his arms above his head while you stand dumbfounded at the doorway.

“oh your roomie’s not here. classic, she’s out with a bumble hookup i bet.”

you cautiously pad back into the dorm’s short and narrow hallway after you lock the door haphazardly, an incredulous frown directed at terushima but he ultimately ignores you as he and hauls a laptop out of his backpack, prying it open on top of his lap.

you eventually settle onto the chair beside him, working on your own parts of the project. more accurately, busying yourself by constantly revising, typing, and erasing sentences back and forth to avoid any awkward interactions. you almost jolt out of your own skin when you feel his fingers dance around the curve of your back as you’re hunched over your desk. you snap your head sideways, throwing him a sharp glare, but you find that he’s all too lost in the reading, eyes glued to his own screen with no hint of mischievousness or ulterior motives. your features soften as you notice the pout on his lips.

a shaky breath leaves past your lips. you decide against pointing it out in favor of not giving him the satisfaction of knowing how much he flusters you. your eyelids eventually start feeling heavy from the soothing feel of terushima’s fingers gently drawing circles on your back.

he turns to you as you stifle a yawn, quickly glancing at the time. “hey, you should probably get some sleep. i’ll finish up soon.”

“no, it’s fine. i can’t sleep anyway even if i tried,” you shake your head.

“are you not tired?”

“i am, but i can’t fall asleep. is that so hard to understand, terushima?”

he chuckles at your attitude but doesn’t say anything. instead, he straightens up his posture, pushes your head onto his shoulder in a languid motion and you find yourself freezing up upon his touch. you sneak a glance up at him through your lashes, still, he doesn’t look smug or all too proud of himself. he wears a casual expression and goes right back to shuffling through the tabs on his laptop.

maybe that’s the reason why you find yourself unconsciously snuggling up to his side. his steady breathing and his absentminded touches, quite surprisingly, ushers you to peaceful sleep. a thought crosses your mind right before you fall asleep; he makes you feel like you’ve known each other longand well enough to be acting like this. you try to tell yourself he just acts the same with everyone else.

when you find yourself safely tucked in your bed the next day, your stuff neatly put away on your desk, and feeling well rested for the first time in weeks, your heart fights to convince you otherwise.

@mirakeul @realityisabitch-blr @erinoikawa @haji-bby @seijohoe @szeonn @banananaa4 @qualitygiantshoepsychic @thezebra12 @iwaizumisunshine @stffychn @vvvselfindulgence @devilgirlcrybabiey @ebiharachan @coco96 @knmsapplepi @strawberryzos @iwasunshine @bidisaster1307 @jesssobs @asaitashi @duhsies @devilsbooksworld @littlemochi @mikeystomanjacket @noitsmrleorio @agasheeee @crystal-lilac @miyadarling @roanniee @lemonz-z @softsakusas @your-girl-mj @kuroomiya @ninjamomo @tsumomii @akarisroom @hello0i @crustycookiebestie @shanthesamurai @pelicanpizza @kuroosatoru @floweyy @singularly-gifted-witch

"do you have somewhere to be?" he asked as he gathered his things and stuffed it in his backpack.

"not really," you shook your head no as you curtly replied.

"good, let's grab something to eat i know a good place not far from here."

he grabbed your hand which you yanked away to cross your arms above your chest. an eyebrow raised you challenged, "don't you have somewhere to be, terushima?"

hearing you call his name twice in a row had him faltering and he didn't understand why.

"yeah, about to get lunch with a pretty girl."

you held back a smile which ached in your cheeks. "ask me nicely and i'll think about it." you took two strides towards him, making a mental note that this was the closest you'd been with him and that you were much more bold than you usually were.

"would you maybe want to grab some lunch with me, pretty girl?" he tried again, clearing his throat. he smirked down at your meticulous gaze.

you rolled your eyes, walking past him. "i guess i could spare you the time of day."

"for the record," you mumbled cheeks stuffed, legs propped over his dashboard, "this isn't a date."

"bold of you to assume i was asking you out on a date in the first place" he teased, cheeks as stuffed as yours.

"whatever i just wanted free food," you joked making him throw a piece of tissue in poor retaliation.

"this isn't free venmo me my money back, you freeloader."

you let out a lighthearted laugh, wondering how and why it was so easy for you to get along with him. you guessed it was part of his infamous irresistible charm.

"y'know, you're not as dumb as you make it seem." you commented out of nowhere as your head hung upside down from the edge of his bed. there was an attempt to study for finals.

he glanced at you from where he sat, legs sprawled disgracefully over his gaming chair. "is that supposed to be a compliment?"

you rolled over to your stomach, facing him. "no i'm calling you out for being a pick me boy."

he frowned, throwing the nearest thing he could grab which happened to be a dirty sock lying around. shrieking, you threw your 2-inch thick textbook at him and called it quits.

he grabbed the edge of his bed frame to wheel himself closer to you. you strained to keep your head up looking at him otherwise you would end up face to face with his–

he gently grazed his knuckles over your cheek, his touch feathery light against your skin. "sometimes the smartest thing you could do is to play dumb."

terushima never would have thought that you would use his own advice against him; the way you played dumb against his advances. you pretended not to notice the yearning kisses he seared onto your skin. you played dumb to the way he'd flip you over and stare into your eyes with such intensity as he plowed deep inside you. he'd hold your hand in his, pausing to leave gentle loving kisses along your knuckles and wrist, your thighs and calves. you complained against him leaving hickeys higher and higher along your neck, like you didn't know his motives for it. you pretended not to notice how he'd find more and more reasons for you to stay over longer than you used to–"do you want to watch a movie?", "did you eat yet? we should order take out.", "you seem tired, wanna cuddle? or you could always stay the night if you want." you ignored how he touched you, soft and careful, even when you're doing mundane things and not at each other's throats in his bed. you laughed off the quiet compliments he'd give, staring at you with sincerity and vulnerability he swore he doesn't show to anyone else. you reasoned to yourself that when he kissed the parts of you you told him you hated, it was all a mere coincidence. you weren't dumb though. you were afraid. because there was always a reason why you had kept a safe distance from him in the first place.

you were afraid that acknowledging these things meant speaking it into existence–your feelings for him which you promised you wouldn't have before you both started fucking around.

"you're so beautiful," he mumbled in awe, more to himself than to anybody else.

you frowned at him as you popped your head out of his hoodie, your hair a disheveled mess, your lips swollen, eyes glazed over. there were dark circles under your eyes from trying and failing to cram the semester. your skin riddled with little red spots without makeup to buff them out. his clothes did close to nothing for your figure. and terushima thought you were beautiful.

"you're so beautiful," he repeated, louder this time.

tears brimmed your eyes for reasons you didn't understand yourself. his dazed smile was replaced with worry as he caught a glimpse of your distraught features.

"stop that."

"i mean it," he pleaded, trying to reach for you, to hold your hands and kiss it gingerly, to hold you in his arms and stroke your hair. but you didn't let him.

you quickly stood up, not meaning for the tears to fall down your cheeks. "stop it seriously is everything just a goddamn game to you!?" you started to gather your stuff in a panicked haze, but he was quick to jump off the bed and seize your trembling hands.

"no, of course not i mean it i really do i–"

he tried searching your eyes for some kind of sign but you refused to look at him, especially in this state.

"yuuji i know damn well that you know what you do to me," you sobbed, voice cracking and arms falling limp on your sides.

his fingers lifted up your chin, making you look up at him. you stubbornly avert your eyes until it eventually felt like he was burning a hole through you.

"well then let's stop whatever this is between us."

your lips trembled, but before another sob climbed its way up your throat, he added, "i don't want this. i want you. all of you. i like you so much sometimes it feels like your driving me crazy, fuck." he threw his head back, a bitter chuckle resounding from his throat.

"i'm scared, yuuji. i don't want to like you like this."

"well too bad because it sure seems you like me a lot." he sighed as you fell silent again, wrapping his arms around you tightly.

bonus scene: “tetsuro.” kuroo shivers, shrugging his coat off. “what ever happened to ‘welcome back, love’ or ‘how was your trip, darling?’” he snickers, pulling you flush against him and kissing your temple. “tell me why are my daughters, my sweet little angels, are turning against me?” you catch a glimpse of guilt across his features in a mere split second before he brushes you off. “i have no idea what you mean—” “kaeri said ‘daddy lets us buy everything we want!’” you recall in a high-pitched tone, glaring at your husband. he purses his lips, suppressing a wide grin, before engulfing you in a resolve-breaking embrace. his deep chuckle resounds through his chest where your cheek lay against. “i’m sure those little gremlins didn’t mean it, kitten. they only like me for my credit card,” he jokes. he pulls away to make sure of the smile that etches on your lips no matter how hard you try to hide it. “there she is,” he muses, placing a sweet kiss on your lips. “there’s that beautiful smile i missed so, so much.”

miya osamu is stuck at the restaurant due to an unexpected volume of orders. he usually cooks dinner for the three of you but you didn’t want to give him the extra work as soon as he comes home, surely tired from the day he’s just had. “why’re you cooking, mommy?” your little kid chirps as they climb onto a stool, damn near giving you a heart attack as you anticipate whether they’ll fall or not. you sigh in relief as they wiggle comfortable on the stool and turn your attention back cooking. “daddy has to stay behind at the shop for a little bit,” you mumble, hovering over the stove cautiously while bringing a spoon to your lips. “but i like daddy’s cooking better,” they whine, plopping their chubby cheeks onto their hands with a frown, making you choke on the food you’re tasting. “no you don’t, mine’s better,” you argue as you turn to them with an amused smirk, hands on your hips. “no, mommy. ‘m pretty sure i like daddy’s food more.” you wipe your hands off on your apron as you approach them. “okay fine, it’s true. but we have to pretend mommy’s the better chef, okay?” you laugh, taking their small face into your hands and lightly squishing it. you hear keys jingle at the front door, you and your child exchange knowing looks as you circle back into the kitchen. osamu pads over to place a kiss on top of their head before he walks over to you, strong arms wrapping around your waist. “sorry i’m late, darling. that smells so good.” you glance at your child over your shoulder, chuckling when they give you a toothy grin and a thumbs up.

daichi sawamura pushes the shopping cart as you scan the aisles meticulously. you forgot the list at home so you couldn’t afford to forget anything you might need. “do you recall if we still have coffee creamer,” you mumble more to yourself than to your husband, fingers tapping your chin while you slow to a pause in front of the shelves. “daddy, i want chocolates,” your child attempts to whisper, craning their little body left and right while daichi traps them in his arms. “later,” he whisper-hushes back, earning a raised brow from you. “uh… i think we’re almost out of the one you like,” he ponders, but your mind has long left the thought of creamers after the discourse you just witnessed between the two of them. “no one’s getting any chocolates,” you announce disapprovingly. “they’ve been having too much sweets lately.” daichi rubs nape of his neck, chuckling nervously. “right i wasn’t actually—” “but mommy,” a small whine interrupts. your child attempts to wriggle out of the confines of the metal bars of the cart where they’re sat. “daddy always lets me have sweets.” daichi’s eyes nearly pop out of their socket, but he smiles it off. “always?” you question your child, but eyes remain glued to your husband with a vindictive glare. “always!” they cheer, bursting to a fit of innocent giggles. “well now that you’ve blown my cover, we’re both never going to get any sweets.”

bonus: miya atsumu has been pouting beside you for the past thirty minutes and you couldn’t help but find him adorable, even as it crosses your mind that you have to take care of two children, him being the second one. “baby, i assure you they don’t mean it.” “doesn’t make it any less painful,” he huffs. “they will understand when they’re older, my love. it’s not like a two year old can comprehend such things.” you shift your child’s weight onto the other arm as you lift one hand to cup atsumu’s cheek, careful not to wake them in your arms. “but i’m their daddy! he’s just the less cooler, ugly uncle—” “you have the same face,” you deadpan. atsumu squeezes his eyes shut in frustration. “you don’t understand, they even sweari’m their favorite—” you let out sharp gasp, cutting him off. you lower your voice back down as your child almost stirs awake. “when did you become the favorite parent!?” “that’s besides the point,” he mumbles. “they better be able to tell us apart the next time we visit samu,” he grunts, crossing his arms and sinking further to his seat.

@mirakeul @realityisabitch-blr @erinoikawa @haji-bby @seijohoe @szeonn @banananaa4 @qualitygiantshoepsychic @thezebra12 @iwaizumisunshine @stffychn @vvvselfindulgence @devilgirlcrybabiey @ebiharachan @coco96 @knmsapplepi @strawberryzos @iwasunshine @bidisaster1307 @jesssobs @asaitashi @duhsies @devilsbooksworld @littlemochi @mikeystomanjacket @noitsmrleorio @agasheeee @crystal-lilac @miyadarling @roanniee @lemonz-z @softsakusas @your-girl-mj @kuroomiya @ninjamomo @tsumomii @akarisroom @hello0i @crustycookiebestie @shanthesamurai @pelicanpizza @kuroosatoru @floweyy @lomlparker @naviation-xx @kenmasdiscordkitty @random-734 @kellesvt @tooru-luvs @singularly-gifted-witch @kenmaslov3r