XVI: THE TOWER

@tessenkorii / sc.

the way he freely touched his shoulder —— dōma or yuuma, they were both the same in his eyes. there was a sharp, wild, and cutting look to his eye — head snapping in the direction of the other, before a fist is sent rocketing against yuuma’s arm.

as it’s sent soaring from the joint, akaza exhales heavily (shakily) from his nose.

And laughter erupts as arm is sent flying, splatter of blood that only manages to last mere moments before the limb reappears, complete with sleeve. Yuuma only dully notices the thud in the background, unable to particularly care about the damage done or the pain that shot through his body as nerves suddenly were ripped apart.

unprompted. / "--hey, Dō-chan!" Suddenly blurting out from where Yuuma sat crouched, playing with the twins: he's entertaining Hikari with ice, delicate snow flakes that melt away before they can chill her as she attempts to catch them on chubby little fingers. "What do you think their first words will be?" Curiosity, as he listens to Hikari's babbling, her attempts to imitate the words she hears. / @tessenkorii

and he perches with himiko, checking over her skin for any specks of dirt —— there’s a thoughtful hum, as he looks to her; deep in thought amidst the other asking his question.

"You spend a lot of time with them too, don't you?" He isn't sure if it's poking holes in the logic or simply a reminder, but to Yuuma it seemed they both spent much of their time with the twins--he isn't certain which spends more time, but it seemed even enough. He hasn't paid enough attention to such details.

and behind scarred kanji in his eyes, pupils become thin slits. an extra hard thump to his heart, and a sharp breath shot into his lungs —— for a moment, the world seems to rock back and forth in his gaze; turning on its heels and twisting around.

“—a—ahaha,” a stutter evident in laughter, “—w—wow, you’re really observant!”

turning and turning, twisting and twisting. there’s a slight twitch to his finger.

“—i don’t… feel nothing,” he reaches for a fan to hide behind, but he can’t find them. he’s suddenly very bare, very vulnerable. his hands stay pathetically at his sides, “—i mean… sometimes i do. it hasn’t gone away completely, it’s just… when i see them i —”

“—when i see them, it breaks away…” he looks to the floor, then when sights move back to yuuma, he could have sworn he could hear his eyes moving in his sockets. all at once, his lips twist downwards into a face-wrinkling frown.

It were how he learned--watching, studying, observing, attempting to understand what he lacked. Perhaps Yuuma would always be the child searching desperately for that missing piece of himself, even if he never truly knew what he were looking for. Perhaps that's also why he's never found it.

So he watches, and tries to learn that way still. And he sees it, the way Dōma's demeanor suddenly shifts and changes, even if Yuuma can only wonder: what was it like? Was this the sensation of truly feeling something?

An instinct of his own that mirror's Dōma's, the urge to hide with nothing to hide behind. Too ingrained to not speak ill, and yet--

"I don't...know," words trail, unusual uncertainty. Yuuma's gaze drifts, smile faded away. "I don't understand. Every time I see them, I can't understand how our parents treated us the ways they did. Weren't we just as small, back then?"

It had once been easy to brush it off, to tell himself it were simply how parents were. And though he still is not a parent himself, simply being around the twins...Yuuma found he couldn't understand the cruelty. "They took it all away from us instead, and never gave it back. I always thought they were good parents though..."

there was a hint of carefree laughter — he was right, as much as dōma didn’t want to admit it. why endlessly torment yourself with such a reality? it didn’t make sense, yuuma was entirely correct.

“—no worries or woes…” he repeats, “...feeling nothing, not even pain…”

eyes then turn cold; an uncharacteristic trait bleeding through.

"Isn't that obvious, Dō-chan?"

Of course Dōma would notice, would realize. Perhaps on some subconscious level, Yuuma believed them to be already dead, and perhaps they were never alive. Merely puppets, dolls, no will of their own in the wake of their parents. What did it really mean to be alive, or to be dead?

"Ah, but you made one mistake. You don't feel nothing anymore, right? The way you look at Shibo-chan and the kids gives you away."

Small deflection still, kneejerk reaction to shift attention away from himself.

"--eeeeeh, I'd hope not!" Said with a laugh, practically a joke, but they both know better, don't they? Yuuma simply couldn't help the instinctive need to brush such things away, to never admit to those things he deemed ugly. Or, rather, what he believes their parents would have deemed as such.

But they both know better. It is rare, Yuuma allows a metaphorical door to open, however slight.

“——i care! beauty is an incredibly important aspect of my life — if it rains on me i’ll look like… like a fish! and i don’t want to look like a fish! i don’t belong in the rain — my makeup runs and my hair sticks to my face and, and, and——”

he takes a sigh. 

"I bet Shibo-chan would still kiss you if you look like a fish."

Not denying he'd look like a fish, of course--only an attempt to poke a hole in Dōma's argument. All that huffing and puffing almost reminded Yuuma of a chicken, all fluffed up feathers and grumpiness.

"They do, right? Go enjoy them!"

And with that, Yuuma's hands find Dōma's shoulders to push him out into the rain.

"--soooooo? It's just hair! Who cares if it gets wet?"

@tessenkorii;; Yuuma says

❛ i didn’t ask to get made. ❜

None of them had asked for it. Not Douma, not Yuuma, not even himself and yet here they all were suffering in a never ending cycle of immortality. The masters cells were nothing more than parasitic. Sucking every ounce of blood from their veins, interfering with their innermost thoughts. Until alas they had no choice but to succumb to the masters orders. Nothing more than a parasite looking through their eyes at any given chance. It seemed no matter how hard Touwa tried he always fell short when trying to break free. Always left him on his knees praying to whatever god was out there that the agony of it would dissipate.

It was times like this that made him falter. Perhaps he really was niave when it came to how his brothers were faring in all of this. A selfish prospect as he had only ever been focusing on his own self-loathing. And so he pauses, Iridescent eyes lingering on Yuu-chan, as the book in his hands becomes long forgotten. Lips part to release an ever present sigh before he moves-- slowly as if not to startle the younger. Only stopping once directly infront of him. Touwa's head tilts gently before he opts to pull Yuuma into a hug.

And it's unlike Yuuma to allow his mask to slip at all, even among his siblings. He always endeavored to smile, to laugh, to ensure none would worry for him. To ensure none would really notice if something were amiss.

It wasn't as if he could truly feel it anyway.

But like Atlas holding the world upon his shoulders, even Yuuma eventually felt the weight, eventually found himself bowing under the pressure. There were times that, if he didn't know better, he would believe his very veins were set alight, an agitation that he couldn't tell where himself or the parasitic blood.

Sometimes he wished he could draw it all out, find a way to start again. The rest, and he recognized he never would for he would never choose to not follow his brothers--the fear of being alone would always win.

If he could understand emotions, Yuuma thinks he may even feel jealous of Kokushibō for breaking the curse.

As Touwa pulls him into the hug, Yuuma gives into the selfishness of leaning into it--of acting as the youngest once more to lean against Touwa, remembering the days of their youth when he sought the comfort of his siblings.

In truth, Touwa was older by mere minutes, and yet to him it simply seemed like eternity. The urge to protect his younger half was plainly too hard for him to ignore. It didn't matter that it was only minutes, Yuu-chan would always be the baby. He was sure that's how Do-chan felt with both of them. May as well ease the oldest's worries by doing the same. Anything to help

If anyone knew Touwa they would all agree. He hated attention. Hated being doted on, hated being in the center of anything that left eyes upon him. Oftentimes finding himself stashed in his room simply just to get away from prying eyes. Eyes that seemed to catch onto his thoughts far faster than he did.

The youngest of the three was more often than not as sly as a fox. Always seeming to know how to outwit someone, even if he was on the receiving end. An asinine prospect, but alas it seemed Yuu-chan had him wrapped around his fingers whether he knew it or not.

Relief is immediate the second those eyes stop penetrating his soul. Sigh leaving him as shoulders become lax and an aloof look crossed his own features. He knew Yuuma was lost in thought, a tell tale sign of tapping that fan to his chin, or was it perhaps... a nervous habit?

Had he made Yuu-chan nervous with his vague answer?

A scoff, ever so soft in nature leaves him. How could a child understand the concept of love and yet here he stood completely incompetent to any emotion at all. Touwa didn't believe it not for a second, but he refused to voice his opinion. Refused to crush his brothers ideologies about the twins.

"Perhaps, but I do not wish to bore them with my silly little chit chat."

It wasn't that he didn't want to get to know the twins. No, that wasn't the case at all. It just... He didn't know how to behave around them. Having never been around such a small babe. It seems fear was what was driving him way. Fear of hurting one of them in any way.

Laughter is what finally pulls him out of his stupor, lips quirking upwards ever so slightly. That was a sound he could never get tired of.

"After all these years, I believe I am doing just fine without a partner, don't you think so?" Touwa didn't want just anyone. No his partner had to be as special as Kokushibo was to Do-chan, and as far as he knew what they had was a rarity in itself. "Fine, fine, I'll alow you to win this one Yuu-chan.'

A lie, ever so bitter on his tongue because as far as Touwa was concerned... His brothers would forever be more important.

Yuuma knew it, knew how much Touwa hated attention. Sometimes he wonders too, if they were in a different order would it still be the case? Would Touwa be so shy if he were the eldest, or youngest? Then again, Yuuma wouldn't wish to change Touwa--there were comfort in familiarity, comfort in knowing he could always run to Touwa and know he'll be welcomed.

Still, an odd sensation nags at him. Is this worry? Yuuma has no idea, too unfamiliar with emotions.

Clever and yet innocent, searching for what he lacks in others like the ice that slowly consumes and preserves, as if Yuuma were always searching for a missing pieces and attempting to stave off damage in the meantime.

He doesn't know what he's searching for, anyway.

Still, a pout forms at Touwa's stubborn response, even as Yuuma hides it behind his fan still.

"They're newborns, they only know so many words anyway. I think they'd like anything you told them, as long as you spoke to them."

But pushing will only cause Touwa to push back, he knows. And surely Kokushibō would be better at attempting to nudge Touwa, as the children's mother...maybe he'll ask a favor of her later. Does it count as a favor if she'd likely prefer Touwa being involved as well?

He knew. Of course Yuu-chan knew. The younger of the three always seemed to know his secrets before he himself figured them out. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. He was supposed to take care of, and worry about him not the other way around. Touwa was stubborn in his ways. Never caring about himself, only caring about his brothers. It just... made more sense for him that way. Perhaps he did retain some sort of emotion in the act. The need to protect.

It was fair to say Touwa was thankful Yuu was smart enough to not prod any further. With time he was sure he would come to him and open up about his woes and turmoil deep inside, but until then... Touma would do nothing but force a smile, laugh bitterly and do his best to mask his discomfort.

"I don't think that is a good idea right now Yuu-chan."

A wince, ever so quick in nature before it's gone just as quickly. He couldn't. He didn't deserve to take Yuu's 'delight' from him. The twins deserved someone who knew what they were doing, and being around children was not something Touwa had the knowledge of.

Those eyes were always so calculating. They always had such a way of seeing things that should remain hidden, so why.. Why was he so 'uncomfortable' under that scrutinizing gaze. Relief is quick the second that stare is placed elsewhere. Every bit of tension leaving his very being.

Sometimes he wondered, just a bit--weren't he only youngest by minutes? Though Yuuma figured it didn't really matter: whether it were minutes or hours or years, Touwa still would be the same, he thinks. Firmly in the middle, always looking towards the eldest and youngest and never himself.

Yuuma liked the attention, the doting, to know someone would always think of him, and perhaps its some selfishness of his own to try so desperately to make sure he wouldn't be left alone in the end. Followers would always be attentive, true, but it were different--the youngest that always followed his siblings likewise didn't wish to lose the attention of his brothers.

Yuuma were clever, always knowing when he could continue his games and when he should behave himself, how to get what he wanted. A wolf dressed as a sheep, just to fill his heart's desires.

But the act doesn't completely fall, not wanting to cause Touwa further distress, and instead a confused pout forms as Yuuma taps silver fan against his chin in thought--something to fiddle with to keep his hands busy. Instinct as well, to hide true thoughts as he figured out what best to do.

As selfish as he could be, Yuuma never stopped thinking of his brothers.

"--they'd love you, you know. They're just babies, they won't be mean to you, Tou-chan."

And maybe, if Touwa would spend time with these newest members of their family...maybe it would help him feel like he could belong, too. At least, it's what Yuuma thinks could be possible, if only he could nudge Touwa enough.

Finally, laughter sounds as Touwa changes the subject, fan flicked open to hide behind in a show of bashfulness, "

"You could have someone and not leave; Dō-chan is still here," another gentle reminder, before an idea crosses his mind. "--I'll only think about it if you do! That way we'll still be even!"

Touwa watches; bewildered, as the younger of the three absentmindedly sways on his feet. Yuuma always seemed to be able to do this, get so lost in his own thoughts almost as if the outside world halted for him. It was fair though, assuming the younger was taking what he said with a grain of salt. Do-chan had been relatively busy with Koku and the twins, that was the truth. A harsh truth, almost as if he was a little too preoccupied with them.

He couldn't help but wonder if he could perhaps comprehend emotions, would he understand his brothers infatuation with them? It seemed Yuuma took to the twins as bees to honey too, and he? He was nothing more than the odd one out.

Continuing to observe the others swaying his lips quirk upwards in amusement. "You're not dragging the twins into your shenanigans, are you Yuuma-chan?" A light jest, of course he knew Yuu wouldn't do such a think, but it was still fun to tease him. "Maybe she will, I suppose with time we will all see if that is true or not."

A vague answer, and probably not the one Yuu was looking for. It was hard. Once those opalescent hues locked onto his much similar ones he knew he was in the ringer. The eyes of his brother never seemed to miss anything once their attention had been gained.

Yuu-chan was far too observant for his own good.

"I have all I need with you too. I simply do not have the time to indulge in the tendencies Do-chan has. Who would take care of you?" A pause ever so swift; nacreous hues stare unblinking towards his brother. "I'm sure one day you will understand what it is like, and when you do know? I had better be the first person you tell."

He knows Touwa well, knows that even if he tries to nudge the other, it won't really result in anything--they were all stubborn in their own ways, digging their heels instead of being so easily swayed. If he tries to push too much, Touwa may even be displeased by Yuuma's prodding...

But a knowing smile forms still, despite it all. Yuuma expects his sibling will understand: he can't hide so easily from the youngest, even if Yuuma is going to be nice and not mention all he notices.

"--hey, I have an idea! You could babysit with me! Koku-chan gets really tired sometimes, and the kids are really energetic."

Not verbally mentioning that distance, that sense of being on the outside looking in, and yet still deciding he'd like to attempt closing that distance, to nudge Touwa closer in what ways he may be able.

It's only when Yuuma is sure that Touwa understands that he knows, that eyes finally glance away to break the gaze. As long as Touwa knew, and whatever he did next was up to him.

...sort of.

He wondered-- Wondered at times, just what it felt like to actually understand. Oftentimes the sickening feeling of.. was it resentment, or jealousy? He didn't know, all he knew was anytime he saw Do-chan and Kokushibo-dono together his chest swelled, breath got caught in his throat. It happens until he remembers. His siblings happiness is far more important than his own.

Ever since the twins birth the temple has been different. Lighter, cleaner, perhaps crisper. The frigid air no longer chilled him to the core. There was a certain stillness now. Much like a winters sunrise, raining gentle sunbeams upon intricately crafted icicles.

A laugh, as gentle as evening rain leaves him. "Is that so? Yuuma-chan!! Don't say that. I'm sure if you find the right person, be it demon or human you wouldn't think twice about running after them."

Absently, Yuuma sways back and forth in thought--he knows Touwa is right. Dōma always seemed to fret for Kokushibō and the twins, ensuring they were safe he assumes. It had once been so bizarre to him, how Dōma switched from spending so much time with the followers as well to gradually shifting to more time with her.

Just one of the details Yuuma noticed but didn't feel bothered enough by to particularly care, knowing that Dōma could handle himself...or just having the blind trust that he could.

The swaying stops when Touwa reminds of the twins, and Yuuma nods with a grin. "Maybe! Hikari reminds me of Dō-chan a lot already--I think she's going to be like a mini him running around."

Gently testing, gently nudging. Did Yuuma notice his brother's distance? It were debatable, but he watches still--opalescent hues hardly drift away once Yuuma's curiosity takes hold, the question of what Touwa thought hovering in the back of his mind.

Tou-chan was always too harsh on himself.

"You could find someone too, though; has no one really caught your eye? I wonder what the right one would be like--Dō-chan knew from the first moment, but I can't imagine that sort of..."

It seemed where one triplet lacked the others made up for, and well, he was most definitely not the most attentive. Especially when it came to emotions. It seemed he and Yuuma had that in common. Always hitting a brick wall anytime he tried to comprehend such a thing. Emotions were fickle, fleeting things, that honestly he had no desire to unravel.

"Yeah! He always seemed so...wound up," not that Yuuma could fault the eldest, for he were the one carrying the weight of both the temple and his younger siblings. "I was able to play with the twins before Shibo-chan took them for their naps, too."

Emotions are fickle indeed, flighty things like petals caught in the wind, but sometimes Yuuma wonders if there's a chance of he and Dōma getting along more easily as well--so protective of the children, being able to be an uncle to them seemed promising. He isn't ready to realize that he fears being left behind, in the deepest corners of his heart.

It were as if the entire temple felt brighter somehow, a different air within it--it still felt cold, but Yuuma gradually realized. Was this like watching a sunrise? Always caught within the walls of the temple by their parents, he hardly recalls seeing a sunrise even as a human.

Yuuma decides to himself it's close enough, though the hand reaching out distracts briefly: so accustomed to playing rough instead, to a certain harshness, he still wouldn't have faulted Doma either.

Pale strands are left disheveled even as the hand moves away. "--eeeeeh, I don't know about that! Dō-chan chased after Shibo-chan since the night we met her, I don't think I could run after someone like that."