The Terrible Triple Feature

The grave implications of his vanity dawning on him, local man Ed Paitz realized what an arrogant fool he’s been after skipping the moving walkway at Los Angeles International Airport, sources said Thursday. “My god, what have I done?” said a despairing Paitz, realizing that, alas, he must live with the sorrowful consequences of his own hubris and proceed down the carpeted corridor on his own two feet, watching in shame as other travelers with the humility to board the conveyor platform flowed past him with ease.

Hopping online to quickly do, well we don’t quite remember, before ending up here, a new report from Stanford University showed Monday that you were supposed to be looking something up right now. The minutes-long study released today claims that there is definitely a reason you are online right now, but you saw a headline about a YouTube controversy, and then you saw this, and now you have kinda lost your train of thought.

req'd by @eversoslightlybitter

why was it supposed to be made out of candy? pasta? what else did that knife guy do

They lied about Air Force 1. Trump was afraid and hid in a decoy aircraft.