Pansexual Robot Scientist

a few weeks ago I was hanging out with my two year old niece out in the backyard and saw a huge spider, and said be careful baby there's a huge spider there

my cat will do this, and either he's trying to tell me something about his litterbox or his food, or, most of the time, he's trying to drag me upstairs to the living room because other people are in there watching tv and talking. and my cat knows I like watching tv and talking, and my cat enjoys watching me watching tv and talking. literally he'll drag me up to the living room, do a couple side glances at the couch telling me to sit, and once I sit and start talking with my dad, my cat will walk over to his favorite beanbag or cardboard scratching post and sit down and enjoy the sound of people talking.

(original tags: she literally had tears in her eyes while she explained that her pikachu had a boy tail shape. i was like hey she can still be a girl. all we know from her body shape is what her body is shaped like. maybe if we asked her she would say that she feels like she’s really a girl. and my kid was like BUT POKEMON CANT TALK 😭😭😭😭 so i was like ‘ok. pikachu. if you want to use he/him say ‘pika’. if you want to use she/her say ‘chu’. and if you want smth else say ‘pikachu’’. and my daughter had her say ‘chu’ and i was like see there you go! now. she doesn’t HAVE to change her tail shape. she can totally be a girl with a rectangle tail. but if she would feel more comfortable with heart shape bc she prefers it, or so that people won’t assume she’s a boy, i can make that happen. so pikachu what do you think? do you want tail surgery? and pikachu agreed enthusiastically! so. plushie gender-affirming surgery first thing tomorrow i guess!)

Being ace and hot is a nightmare sometimes, I met this guy in my neighborhood, we live literally 200m away from each other, he's funny and witty and a genuine delight to talk to, and YESTERDAY he makes it clear he's flirting so now I'm trying to figure out how to turn him down and also throw my single friends at him because he really is a great catch, but I don't eat fish so he's wasted on me.

Not to be all "the children have forgotten the sacred texts!" but I just saw someone refer to a ship between two people who are good friends in canon as a crackship.