toss stones at me in the street i'm making a post about idril but talking about maeglin for several paragraphs. also throw stones at me because i'm talking nonsense about elves again.
the craft maeglin is known for is metalwork, it is the distinction given to him and the skill that he is praised for, and it is the distinction granted to his house when he is granted his own official lordship. the idea that idril would match or outdo him in the one thing that is most valuable about him, that anyone would do this and render him obsolete but particularly her, plays heavily on his fears of usefulness and making himself invaluable to turgon. in reality its not as though turgon would be rid of him even if he were useless. as his sister son and as a resident of gondolin, maeglin will not be going anywhere even if he wished it to be so. but the need remains to make himself valuable, to earn the respect and the safety from the individual who as of yet holds power over him.
the uglier part of him that needs to have mastery over everything cannot stand that it would be her encroaching on his craft. he can have anticipatory satisfaction at taking this from her and comfort taken in knowing that he will be the one to take this from her. But the knowledge curdles in him that he will only have this by taking and knowing that her skill is something she has and very well might still have even if she is kept from exercising it. the satisfaction in taking is diminished knowing the truth of it is he's threatened by her.
his projection of his father as someone who was all powerful completely overrides any self-awareness or consideration of the possibility that maybe his father's domination stemmed from the same insecure place as his own does. in being his child and not his spouse and coming from a perspective where eol always was superior to him because he was a child, he's still looking at the specter of his father through this lens of being below him. they were never on a footing level enough for him to interrogate why it was that he did what he did and what made him do so. and he holds fast to what was ingrained in him by his father regardless of where he finds himself now, as an adult, when it would not be impossible to attempt to look back and make sense of what his father had done. because these lessons can still hold true if he holds to them. he is praised for his usefulness and rewarded for his loyalty to his uncle and he is rewarded with control. and where these beliefs are challenged with the limits of his control or limits to what he is allowed he grows bitter and resentful at being denied what he believes is his due. (and frightened at the possibility that for all of his work at being someone valuable and necessary, this does not actually guarantee anything. if this hasn't earned him his safety, then what must he do to have this? it must be that he is due what he cannot have, because then it is only a matter of being denied, and righting a grievance. nothing fundamental has changed.)
all of this had a point and it was to explain the nature of idril's armor as small pieces fitted together as opposed to larger unmistakable pieces. small things are easier to make in small bursts and smaller amounts of time, smaller amounts of materials to squirrel away. harder to assemble in the mind as belonging to armor when they could more plausibly be used as pieces of adornment or anything at all. even if maeglin is not there to witness her at her work he is still present in the home of her father more often than she would like and if not his eyes, then other eyes will see her at work and might unthinkingly answer his questions when he asks after her. if their eyes see small works of little note then that is all they will speak of.
and she wants to believe nothing will come of being seen at the forge and of creating what she will, that she could just as well be doing all of this less carefully. that there were no need for it at all, but she can't shake the wrongness. though he hasn't said what it is he holds in his heart she knows that there is something off about maeglin in regards to her forgecraft. and even if she were looking too far into that, is she looking too much into how often he asks after her? how often she finds him close at hand? is she thinking too much of his presence in a home that is his? where he is welcomed and loved? is there something within her that creates such suspicion where there is nothing? does no one else share her fears, is she alone among those that love him as they ought, with her own love unfairly withheld?
behaving in this way treads the line of paranoia, which she knows is her inheritance from her father, but when she is so sure that things are not right and she has the means to act, she cannot stop herself from acting. if nothing comes of this then nothing comes of this, she carries out her actions in secret and none will know if nothing comes to pass, but how is she to sleep at night feeling with her entire body that something is wrong?
ellievsbear
theartofmadeline
origamiaround
