san·guine·ly

It takes a unique someone like Kenshin, with his compassion, courage, and unshakable belief in the value of life to do what he does. Soujirou is …not that. He’s far more selfish - he’s had to be to survive. There might be people he comes to treasure, and he will act for them, but not for the entire world.

For this reason I don’t agree with the fanon interpretations of do-gooder Sou who carries a sword around protecting the weak. If you’ve followed my blog you’ll know I prefer an anti-hero take on post-canon Sou. If he were to carry a sword out in the open, it would invite trouble for someone who is trying to leave his old life behind. That said, I wouldn’t be surprised if Soujirou kept a knife or some other blade tucked away somewhere. He’s practical and old habits die hard. 

I imagine Soujirou will find wanderer life to be not quite satisfying, but he won’t know exactly why, and it will be because working for Shishio gave him a sense of purpose that he no longer has. So that makes me wonder, will he yearn for the comfort of what he knows? That kick of adrenaline when he’s fighting the good fight, and the praise and recognition that came with doing what he did best? Or will he be horrified by the person he once was when he’s had some perspective and distance? 

If there is one sign that dismisses the psychopath interpretations of Soujirou, it’s that as a child he displayed compassion and empathy. In fact, it’s probably due to his gentle nature that he had to break his emotions to be comfortable doing what he does. His initiation to violence, the act of killing his abusive family, was committed under duress and encouraged by a man who armed him with a weapon and the wrong ideas.  Shishio told 8 year-old Soujirou that might makes right, and took him in and trained him to be his assassin. Souijrou’s story is not dissimilar to that of child soldiers who are misled or coerced into committing acts of violence and find themselves with no other path. 

What made Soujirou especially susceptible is that he was already alone and accustomed to physical and emotional abuse. Violence has always been a part of his life, and traveling with Shishio only exposed him to the worst of it while depriving him of a caring environment and any normalcy. I’m sure there were times growing up where Soujirou felt uncomfortable following an order, but the desire to be useful to Shishio and the fear of disapproval overwrote how he felt. The longer he spent working for Shishio, the more desensitized he became. What separates a soldier from a psychopath is that he won’t go out of his way to hurt people who have nothing to do with the cause, and certainly not out of impulse or pleasure. 

Soujirou smiling while taking lives doesn’t indicate cheerfulness or amusement. Rather, it’s the opposite. As a child, he learned that if he got angry or cried, he would be beaten harder. If he put on a smile, his family would find it strange, get tired of beating him and leave him alone. Smiling became his way of enduring pain. It became a switch to disengage his emotions. A smile is then perhaps the least useful indicator of how he is feeling on the inside. 

Humans employ defense mechanisms in traumatic circumstances. When Shishio meets him, Soujirou is a child who can quietly accept everything that happens to him without complaint. He tries to deny and minimalize his own pain. Where it’s not enough, he’s rewritten the narrative in his head. The act of killing his family was so traumatic that he falsely recalled the event as something he was fine with. It’s only when he was shown another path to the life he’s lived that the feelings of guilt he buried came back. When he remembered the truth -- “in the rain I smiled, but I was actually crying” -- it opened the floodgate to the emotional devastation he had repressed. 

The reason why Soujirou clung to Shishio’s mantra of “the strong live, the weak die”, kill or be killed, is because this framing absolves himself of blame, and to free himself of blame is to free himself of pain. It means there’s no good or bad, just winners and losers. If the alternative is to be hurt, he would rather hurt others. That isn’t how the world is, but it’s easy to believe when the world he’s lived in was so cruel. Soujirou’s grown up with a confusing set of rules. A kid wants the world to make sense, and Shishio was the first to provide him clarity. Unfortunately Shishio did more harm than good by telling him the reason why his family abused him was because he was weak. While it’s a devastating thing to tell a child, to Soujirou it meant there was a way out. Strength promised safety. Becoming strong meant that he would never have to feel powerless, never be hurt again. He took Shishio’s path and suppressed his misgivings.

To complicate things, being an assassin for Shishio included many positive experiences. Soujirou adores Shishio and is grateful to him. Shishio didn’t coerce him or threaten him. He didn’t need to, Soujirou was an obedient child who was starved of affection and easy to manipulate. Not all child soliders are coerced. Some willingly volunteer, misled by promises and a sense of purpose. Shishio indoctrinated Soujirou and elevated him to his right-hand man. Their relationship has been described as that of a cult leader and cult follower, and it’s quite apt. Souijrou believed in Shishio, sought comfort in his words and ignored his own confusion and pain. His own family treated him so terribly that Shishio looked like a saint in comparison. While committing crimes for Shishio brought Soujirou a lot of regret, it also brought him praise and belonging, the closest he’s ever known to love. Is it a wonder that Soujirou turned out so confused?