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I am so fucking tired of constantly getting rejected when I’m trying my literal best always. 😔 god damn it.

you know, growing up I always wanted to come to terms that I was independent and wanted nothing more but to make sure I was. I never wanted to depend on anyone for a favour, a task, even just a relationship period. It wasn’t until the more intensely I’ve recently gotten my heart broken that I realized I wasn’t as independent as I thought. Not in a sense where I needed to fill that void within minutes, the total opposite actually. I was determined to keep walking the path I knew I was meant to walk on, Hell I still am. I wanted to prove to myself that anything that I wanted I could get myself. How much I can do solely by myself. It wasn’t until every little inch of me was just to myself and realized how lonely this state can really get. You know the really twisted and painful part to being so independent that you didn’t need anyone and you don’t know if you could see yourself changing that but its only a deeper hole continuing on sometimes. When all you want is to just get to know someone, get to touch skin that would make yours feel ecstatic, just to fucking feel something.. again... for once. I wish my trust issues didn’t haunt me. I wish my commitment issues would allow me to believe there really are good people out there, who WILL love you. My heart can’t believe it though. It’s caged to the point where I honestly don’t know what could ever break it again and let me feel free. Whatever it may be, I just need to feel wanted again and to trust it at the same time.