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Laying in bed

Actively tamping down the hurt

It shouldn’t hurt

I should be heartless

I have my deep rooted connection with my daughter and absolute love for her no matter what.

But for a man?

No.

I turned those off when I left.

I haven’t cared.

I separated myself from the physical.

I focused on the kind of man I want to attract.

I found so much of myself while I was gone.

Moving to another state really changes your perspective on things.

I couldn’t give you the bucket to my well

The first I gave the bucket threw it in the well no rope attached

The second put it on the dresser because it was too fragile

The third gave me a ring in exchange

But he didn’t care about my well

So i threw the ring inside

Maybe he would care then

He promptly didn’t

So you see

I can’t

My bucket is hidden in the corner of my closet behind things I don’t touch

I can’t trust anyone to draw up my well of knowledge, emotion, and power

I can’t trust it

I can’t

I won’t

I can’t

You won’t treat my well or my bucket properly

I sit here with last years knowledge

And see you the same

And I know

So

Why then

Do I right now

Miss you?

This Has to stay just physical

It’s just the chemicals

I didn’t even get to finish

You didn’t even kiss me

I don’t have any emotion to give into that

So why the fuck do I miss you