Organized Chaos.

This year, I’m thankful for all of it. 

The highs. The lows. The blessings. The lessons. The setbacks. The comebacks. The love. The hate. Everything. Every single thing i’ve gone through in the last year, i’m thankful. 

Maybe this is how its supposed to be. This is how i’m going to feel, this is who I am. The past year has been the most influential year of my life, but then again, so was the year before this, and the year before that, and i’m sure the next year from now will be just as important. 

But maybe thats it. These things happen to you, they effect you, they change your life, and then you have a low, and then you find a high, and you have your up’s and your low’s and life.. life just goes on. And just like that you find yourself stuck in a never ending circle. 

but here’s the thing, you don’t have to be stuck. 

I don’t know where I’m going, but I do know where I’ve been. The biggest regret I have is how I’ve acted the past month. I’m dwelling on the past. I’m creating my own misery. I’ve changed. I’m not the person I was a year ago, so why do I still let these thoughts consume me. 

Maybe this is just me, maybe this is who I am, but I don’t have to be miserable. On the outside, I’m really not sad. On the inside, I can’t say i’m too sad either.

I don’t need to live my life pleasing others. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to do what makes me happy. If the last year has shown me anything at all it’s that I am okay on my own. I don’t need to go out every night and get plastered to make me happy. 

Maybe my problem is just being here, feeling trapped by the status quo. 

But maybe the only chance i’ll really have to define myself is being able to overcome it, and through breaking away from the status quo. 

This rants filled with maybe’s. Life is filled with maybe’s. We never know what’s in store for us, thats what keeps life interesting.