i'm INSANE , you IDIOT !

𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄 . . . 𝐈 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖. 𝐈𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋 ?⠀⠀▬▬⠀⠀𝐃𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐃 𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐑 !

independent ⠀&⠀ selective rp blog⠀;⠀understood by 𝐨𝐥𝐢⠀(𝚜𝚑𝚎/𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢⠀;⠀twenty-one+) ⠀𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐱'𝐬 𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐨𝐧 (𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟕-𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟗)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀&⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 ⠀⠀⠀𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐝⠀:⠀𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫⠀:⠀𝐧𝐚𝐯⠀:⠀𝐢𝐧𝐛𝐨𝐱 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐬⠀:⠀𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠⠀:⠀𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐲

i have not been active on here for about a week now. between work, my birthday, friends, and family, i have just been busy almost every day, and on the days i've not been busy i've been tired and unable to get myself to be on here. i’ll be busy again this weekend; hosting a party on saturday. i know i don't owe an apology, but i still want to give one, so i’m sorry for my absence. i have not dropped all my threads nor been actively ignoring people in their im's. i intend to be here soon!

mun   v.   muse⠀╱⠀using   this   link !

uh   hey .       this   is   very   sweet   &   i   am   eternally   grateful   for   your   kindness   toward   me .       i   do   not   deserve .       no   sir .       i   hope   YOU   have   a   wonderful   &   amazing   year .

               such   young   eyes   witness   such   wretched   horrors.   flesh   come   undone   by   the   devices   of   man   ,   the   blood   slain   displayed   ceremoniously   as   if   a   prize.   the   bodies   buried   ,   the   lives   stolen   away   ,   and   the   pain   that   wrought   behind.   death   does   not   end   at   the   lack   of   a   beating   heart.   it   goes   further   ,   deeper   —   generations   still   bleeding   from   the   wound.   pain   breeds   pain   (   CYCLICAL.   repeated   many   times   and   always   happening   in   the   same   order.   a   constant   spiral   of   the   never   ending   ).                   but   the   eyes   he   sees   aren’t   the   monsters   that   spencer   has   met   in   flesh.   there   is   no   starvation   behind   the   eyes   ,   no   lack   of   emotion   that   calls   to   the   void.   there’s   the   opposite   it   it   —   an   overload   of   emotion.   too   much   ,   too   soon   ,   too   loud.   it   isn’t   often   where   he   feels   a   kindred   heart   with   those   sitting   across   the   table.   

               “   i’m   sorry   ,   david   ,   but   there   is   no   record   of   dr.   kissinger   at   clockworks.   ”   there   is   no   sarcasm   ,   no   disbelief   ,   no   insincerity   in   the   doctor’s   voice   (   the   pain   of   dismissal   is   almost   as   bad   as   the   pain   of   rejection   ).   he   stays   quiet   for   a   moment   ,   tilting   his   head   to   the   right   to   examine   david’s   micro - expressions.   “   —   or   any   dr.   kissinger   ever   working   at   clockworks.   ”   he   knows   that   david   is   telling   the   truth   ,   but   the   truth   isn’t   what   either   of   them   had   come   to   rely   on.   spencer   didn’t   need   to   know   the   truth   ,   he   needed   to   understand   david.                   “   i   know   that   ,   that   things   seem   confusing   right   now.   but   you   have   to   trust   me   when   i   say   that   i   believe   you.   ”   a   soft   swallow.   “   they   want   to   say   that   you’re   the   one   who   put   lenore   in   the   wall.   ”   closer   ,   he   leans   :   a   confession.   “   but   i   know   that   wasn’t   you.   and   i   know   that   ,   scientifically   ,   it’s   impossible   for   her   to   end   up   in   the   wall   like   that.   so   i   need   you   to   be   honest   with   me   ,   david.   completely   honest.   i   won’t   judge   you   ,   or   say   that   you’re   crazy.   but   i   need   to   know   what   really   happened.   ”

david   is   rendered   completely   still .       lips   tightly   pursed   &   eyes   growing   wider   each   second,   searching   the   room .       but   not   for   anything   tangible .       aimless   as   his   mind   races—     mental  -  fingers   rummaging   through   memory  -  filing  -  cabinets   where   dr.   kissinger   has   more   of   a   fingerprint   than   any   other   doctor   he’s   been   under   the   care   of .  “   no—     no,   that’s—   ”         impossible ?       it’s   what   david   wants   to   say,   teetering   on   the   syllables .       mouthing   emptily   as   if   to   speak,   shaking   his   head   in   contest—     to   no   avail .       the   mental   gears   turning,   into   a   furrowed   brow .       impossible:     a   simple   word,   if   not   for   the   sudden   shift   of   what   is   and   isn’t   possible .       fabrication   &   the   fantastical .       real   &   not   real .       the   threshold’s   only   grown   thinner .

well,   he’s   clearly   the   good   cop .       sympathetic .       empathetic,   even .       leveling   with   david:     THE   SUSPECT .       his   job ?       to   expertly   yet   subtly   weave   words   into   a   basket   of   trust,   to   cause   a   slip  -  up—       and   it’s   working .       prone   to   dependency;     to   latch   onto   those   sweet,   sweet   words   (   ‘   i   believe   you   ’   ) ,   david   apprehensively   begins   to   fold .       into   the   truth,   and   onto   himself,   head   fallen   against   his   palms . “   listen,   it—     it’s   fuzzy,   okay ?       i—     without   the   meds—   ”         breathing   hot   &   heavy,   thumbs   rubbing   circles   into   his   temples,   david’s   heart   is   in   his   stomach   and   his   stomach’s   in   his   throat,   fighting   the   word  -  bile .       everything   the   agent   says   is   a   prod—     like   a   trick .       aware   of   it !       but   it   all   just   wants   to   spill—     to   be   heard—     to   be   understood,         “   you’re   right .       it   wasn’t   me .       not   really .       i—   ” then,   like   a   runny   egg         (   that’s   what   lenny’s   eyes   looked   like,   in   the   wall   ) ,         “   i   was   in   her   body,   syd—     my   girlfriend,   and   she   was   in   mine .       that—     that’s   her   power,   i   guess—   and   mine—   she   wasn’t   used   to   them,   which   is   why   everything   got   out   of   control .       but—     but   you   can’t   blame   her—     just—     i—   ”         his   words   catching   up   with   him   all   at   once .       a   frisson   of   tension   wanting   to   physically   release,   violently   lurching   from   his   seat ,         “   you—     you   asked,   okay ?       i—   ”         back,   back,   back,   until   he   felt   the   wall   behind   him,   pressing   to   it,         “   i   can’t   do   this—   ”

𝚃𝙷𝙴  𝙳𝙰𝚁𝙺  𝙷𝙾𝚁𝚂𝙴.

❝  YOU  WILL  NO  LONGER  BE  THE  PERSON  YOU  BELIEVED  YOU  ONCE  WERE.  YOU’LL  DETECT  SLOW  &  SUBTLE  SHIFTS—  IN  YOU.⠀;⠀who  would’ve  guessed  it’d  be  you?  after  all  this  time,  it’s  really  you?  when  you  were  little,  nobody  knew  your  name.  for  so  long,  you’ve  lived  as  a  shade  amongst  shades.  written  off,  cast  aside,  overlooked.  you  did  your  best  work  in  the  shadows.  it  took  you  so  long  to  bloom,  some  thought  you  would  never  emerge  at  all.  but  now’s  your  time  in  the  spotlight.  all  the  heroes  have  failed,  but  you’re  still  standing.  in  the  darkest  hour,  you  came  in  to  save  the  day  ( ? )  you’re  our  last  hope,  dark  horse! personality:⠀clever,  determined,  quiet. counterpart:⠀the  killer.

tagged by:⠀@caspers  :’) tagging:⠀steal it !

[ sms => David ]: Next time, let me know if yur feeling overwhelmed like that.

[ sms ]: Part of my powers r to help people relax their minds.

[ sms ]: So all yu had to do was walk by my room and it reminded yu of the memory work huh? Guess we need to construct some alternate routes.

[   ➟   ptonomy   ]:     right   yeah . [   ➟   ptonomy   ]:     i   know . [   ➟   ptonomy   ]:     not   exactly   used   to   this   kind   of   thing .       at   all .

‘i’m just sayin’ …’ adam starts, a lopsided smile playing upon his lips, as though there’s a hint of a laugh waiting to follow. ‘someone kills you, right. UNLESS YOU’RE ABLE TO HAUNT THE FUCKER, as like. a ghost. i dunno — doesn’t sit right with me just letting them live their life all chill.’ apparently, optimism, for one, does NOT escape adam.

david’s   head   bobs,   slow   &   unsure .       not   quite   a   nod,   nor   shake .       a   neutral  -  in  -  between,   unable   to   discern   the   exact   what   or   why   for   adam’s   rambling .       his   facial   expression   is   a   lost   cause   &   connecting   tone   of   voice   to   meaning   isn’t   currently   david’s   forte ,          “   right .       so.  .  .        the   choices   are   either   be   a   ghost   or,   uh.  .  .     commit   murder ?       i—     i   think   i’d   rather   just   avoid   both . ”

PTONOMY  WALLACE⠀  ▬▬⠀  @bruisedconscience ; “  accident ?  how  is  that  an  accident ?  ”   ( sms )

[   ➟   ptonomy   ]:     because   i   didn’t   mean   to ? [   ➟   ptonomy   ]:     isn’t   that   what   ‘ accident ’   means ??? [   ➟   ptonomy   ]:     i’ll   tell   melanie   it   was   my   fault .

𝙲𝙾𝚁𝚁𝙴𝚂𝙿𝙾𝙽𝙳𝙴𝙽𝙲𝙴 𝙵𝚁𝙾𝙼: HALLER, DAVID. —— @teletropic​ ▼ ❛❛ mitski —— cop car. ❜❜ 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚃𝚄𝚂: ANSWERED.

❛❛ i don’t think about the past, but it’s always there anyway. ❜❜

david   doesn’t   want   to   think   about   it   anymore   :   them .       setting   his   phone   down   after   snapping   it   shut—     an   old   flip   phone,   THE   OLDEST   HOUSE   unfriendly   to   anything   more     —shoving   dr.   darling’s   message   to   the   back   of   his   mind .       back,   back,   back,   in   the   deep   recesses .       david   wants   to   be   somewhere   else;     a   breath   of   fresh   air       ──────       the   atrium   is   the   freshest   he’s   allowed .

the   thought   can’t   be   helped !       blame   him,   or   blame   haywire   paranatural   abilities,   but   ZIP !   and   he’s   there,   in   the   atrium,   instantaneously .       sat   on   the   bench   at   the   base   of   the   only   two   trees,   shaded   by   their   brush   above .       is   he   supposed   to   be   out   of   his   room ?       without   supervision ?       nope !       that   bit   doesn’t   much   cross   his   mind—     at   all          (   overwritten   by   unwanted   flashes   behind   closed   eyes   )          nor   do   the   stares   of   research   sector   agents . but   david’s   hands   are   soon   gripping   the   edge   of   the   bench,   eyes   screwed   tightly   shut   despite—     bludgeoned   by   thoughts   not   his   own,   knock  -  knock  -  knocking   on   his   mind’s   door !       all   of   them,   weaseling   through   the   wide  -  open   cracks   of   his   psyche .       some   are   afraid,   others   merely   wonder   about   what   the   cafeteria   menu   is . doesn’t   matter   what   the   thoughts   are—     they’re   loud .       always   are,   but   somehow   worse   than   in   the   panopticon .       unfiltered   &   up  -  close .       a   messy   hodgepodge,   unable   to   hear   anything   but   what’s   inside   his   head,   and   a   tenuous   tremor   beginning   to   vibrate   the   surrounding   concrete .

𝙿𝙰𝚃𝚁𝙾𝙽  𝙾𝙵  𝙰𝙼𝙴𝙽𝙳𝚂.

❝  NOTHING  INSPIRES  FORGIVENESS  QUITE  LIKE  REVENGE⠀;⠀it  is  not  the  most  gratifying  of  works,  but  someone  must  oversee  it.  making  amends  is  a  tricky,  slippery  thing:  they  require  sincerity  &  devotion,  open  ears  &  naked  hearts.  you  cannot  guarantee  acceptance,  only  the  sliver  of  time  in  which  they  can  be  seen  and  heard  and  attempt  repentance.  think  of  a  festering  wound  and  the  healer  that  must  clean  and  close  it,  plagued  by  the  thought  of  underlying  infection,  amputation,  certain  death.  consider  the  likelihood  of  those  terrors,  but  also:  think  of  the  injured  at  rest,  then  nursed  back  to  full  health  and  continuing  to  live  a  fruitful  life.  you  are  the  god  of  tenderness  &  volatility,  of  intimate  vulnerability  &  deep  breaths,  of  searching  for  a  safe  place  to  land.  god  of  misty  eyes,  god  of  the  strength  to  still  shaking  hands,  god  of  realizing  wrongdoings  and  personal  failures.  defender  of  the  prideful  who  are  working  towards  humbleness,  of  sinners  that  will  never  again  be  entirely  righteous.  THE  ONE  WHO  BLESSES  THOSE  FIGHTING  TO  MAKE  THINGS  RIGHT—  falling  onto  swords  and  walking  through  fire  if  it  can  afford  even  just  the  smallest  chance  at  forgiveness:  the  planter  of  the  seed  of  closure,  that  will  grow  only  when  nurtured.

tagged by:⠀@caspers  :’) tagging:⠀@rightly,  @wantslife,  @freakfink,  @westchstr,  @dominaelumine,  @shinedied  &  you !

𝐝𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐝   𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫   &   𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐚   𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐬   ╱   @pattyurs⠀  ▬⠀  send   a   ♡ .

i.   FRIENDS   :   childhood friends  /  work friends  /  family friends  /  recently friends  /  turning antagonistic  /   turning into something romantic  /  stable  /  falling apart  /   friendship of need  /  friendship of circumstance  /  pen - pals or internet friends  /  coworkers  /  partners ( allies )  /  other . ii.   ROMANCE   :   childhood sweethearts  /  newly entered  /  soulmates  /  skinny love  /  unrequited from my muses side  /  unrequited from your muses side  /  friends with benefits  /  awkward  /  fading  /  turning toxic  /  toxic & destructive  /  other . iii.   FAMILIAL BOND   :   sibling bond  /  older sibling figure to your muse  /  younger sibling figure to your muse  /  parental figure to your muse  /  child figure to your muse  /  guardian figure  /  legal guardian  /  other . iv.   ENEMIES   :   dangerous to themselves  /  dangerous to others  /  unpredictable  /  passionate  /  rivals  /  petty  /  developing into a sexual tension  /  developing into a romantic tension  /  based off family matters  /  based off circumstance  /  based off professional matters  /  based off misunderstandings or lies  /  other .

listen,   i   am   all   over   the   place,   too .       &   right   now ?       that’s   because   i   have   been   struck   in   my   heartstrings   by   you   being   an   absolute   gem,   making   my   night   just   as   i’m   starting   to   lay   down .       thank   you   so   much   for   this .       i   mean   it .       text   can   seem   insincere   sometimes,   but   trust   that   you   really   lifted   my   spirits   from   being   kinda   low   today .   i   admire   you   from   afar,   &.  .  .     i’m   so   slow   for   no   reason,   but   i   have   that   pre  -  established   relationship   meme   still   in   my   inbox   from   you .       you   best   believe   i’m   gonna   get   that   done   for   you   tomorrow .       not   only   that,   but   you   better   brace   yourself—     i’m   invading   your   im’s   in   t  -  one   minute .