Lost Star

The first few months of 2015 were the months where I can say I was reckless and miserable. I was in need of loving and caring from people. Yes I know I have my family and friends and I was just okay with that. But then I know I wasn’t happy because I was longing for someone who’d make me see things differently. There was one guy who would always make an effort to talk and listen to me but then he wasn’t my type. He was annoying me. I constantly ignored his texts and phone calls because I wanted someone who didn’t want me back.

I was used and I denied the fact that I was being used. I did all kinds of things to forget what I was feeling. I was trying to fill what was empty, but nothing could ever fill it. I almost gave up my friends, my values and self-respect. I almost destroyed a relationship. I almost destroyed someone. I was a horrible person. Then one day I just stopped being so stupid and moved on with life. I was still sad but at least I wasn’t hurting anyone but myself. I tried to be strong.

Weeks later I saw him again and we finally spoke to each other. He was different. He was not my type at all. He was cute and nice. But not what I usually like. Then one day he admitted that he likes me all this time. Since the start of the year until that day. But then he was not my type. My friend told me that I should give him a chance to prove himself. I had this fear again, the fear of giving chances. Still, I gave it a shot.

We were still awkward and I didn’t feel anything for him at all. I was just forcing myself to feel something for him but then again, forcing things would only hurt. So I decided to give myself some time and space away from him and every guy who dares to do some shitty cute stuff for me. I got my time and space. But after a while, I realized I missed him. The constant chats, phone calls and texts. 

So let’s skip those parts now..

We are now sort-of-together for almost 5 months now and it’s the longest one I’ve had since I got here. We’re happy. We’re not perfect but I’m happy with him. I finally see what has always been there for me all along. The guy who never gave up on me, who was always there to listen and to make me feel that I wasn’t alone. I’m happy that I wasn’t too late to give him a chance. If I didn’t, it would be the biggest mistake I would ever commit.