do no harm / take no shit

“I don’t want to be a walking cliche,” started Ted, knowing far well he was one and sounding uncharacteristically grumpy. “But I’m going to complain about the weather anyway.” A glance outside, where it was pouring. “Because I’m bloody tired of the endless rain in this bloody country. It seemed like it was going to be a lovely day, but nope — not here in Great Britain. Never here.”

“sounds good to me, yeah, i’m sure he could be of great use.” at the mention of sirius black, however, ted’s mind jumped to andromeda -- as it did so very often and so very quickly. “ah, the more the merrier, aye? i’ll call me ma, too, she probably knows of a few here and there too.” ted enjoyed talking to fellow muggleborns, when speaking of phonecalls and car boots didn’t result in raised eyebrows or confusion. “uh, yeah, i’ll have to mentally prep myself for that. am used to getting up late and staying up late, with my work and all. but i’ll manage!”

“Damn, I should talk to you more often, you give stellar life advice,” said Ted, only half-joking as his lips curled in a smile. “Fair, fair; to each their own an’ all. But it’s damned cheap, that’s for sure, and it doesn’t give you the headache wine gives you. Nothin’ worse than that, if you ask me.” He laughed at that, shaking his head. “I need to know, can’t just go off your word. So, c’mon, try to sell me somethin’ useless. Shouldn’t be hard, considering my ... track record with buying useless stuff.”

“Ah, well, I’ve been told they’ve got spells for that. Am kinda shit at cleaning spells, but still, that’s a fixable problem,” he said, chuckling lightly. “I honestly don’t drink that much wine; I prefer beer, really. Loads of it. And cheap beer is good, so y’know, no trouble there.” Ted considered that option for a moment, eyebrows pulled in a frown. “Hmm, that could work. Are you a good sales-woman, though? I need to know it’ll be a success.”

“sometimes material things can just be ... nice, ya know? no shame in that,” said ted, shrugging slightly. he wasn’t necessarily too materialistic, but he did have a tendency to buy things just for the heck of it. “agh, satisfaction is just an impossible ideal. who knows if i’ll ever get it.” thoughts went to andromeda for a moment -- as they often did -- but he shook her brown eyes out of his mind quickly. “oh, i mostly work in the kitchen, so when i’m working i don’t see a lot of folks. but yeah, i s’pose it’s kinda that there’s all kinds of people there. there’s folks from all sides of the war and you never really know who fits where ‘n stuff. s’pose it grants a bit of perspective? they all eat, all get drunk in a bar ... dunno if i like that perspective, though. better to imagine the villain as some unhuman ... thing.” a pause. “am i rambling again?”

“Those I do know! You can sit on ‘em, right? Even take naps if they’re comfortable enough, I believe,” said Ted, laughing slightly at his own ( rather shit ) joke. “Depends on what you consider a good bottle of wine. If it’s more than a few sickles, I’ll have to disappoint ya. Thank Merlin I’m getting paid in a week.” Ted clutched his heart, shaking his head in disbelief. “And here I thought I was on my way to become a door-to-door salesman. I guess I’ll just have to use it to clean now. Ugh.”

“hmm, i don’t doubt that,” said ted, grinning at the other. “yeah, let’s do it! it’d be a good thing, to not do it alone and stuff. i have no clue what kinda money i should ask for most things, so it’d be good to bounce of ideas for prices off of each other. we should get more people included, too, i’m sure there’s plenty who are in need of some extra cash.”

ted tonks + social media : instagram.

he’d expected a dismissal and could only be amused by it; if she’d said yes, he would’ve been at a loss as to what he should say. while he had some feelings on the topic of sales, he doubted that he could talk about for much longer. “oh, i try not to shop too much. bad impulse control, y’know,” said ted, shrugging slightly. “but it seems that there’s more, which is never a good sign, right? kinda makes sense, i s’pose. don’t think many people feel like going shopping these days.” a bit confused at her next question, he eyed the other for a moment before answering. “i cook. at the three broomsticks, that is.”

“Yeah, yeah, heard ‘bout it once or twice. Should look into it, perhaps,” muttered Ted, frowning slightly. He was mad at himself plenty already and wasn’t looking for a lecture ( although he’d kind of asked for it with that rant ). Ted, too, lived on a rather basic salary, and lived pretty much from paycheck to paycheck. “I dunno if you’d want it, there’s not that much left,” he replied, giving the other a bit of a grin. “But if you want a vaccuum cleaner, I’ve got one for you.”

“That’s actually a rather brilliant idea,” Ted said, thinking the suggestion over for a while. “Could lend my da’s car, sell some other things lyin’ around back at home-home ... God knows I could use the extra cash.”

It happened from time to time, Ted getting too wrapped up in his own thoughts and thus rambling for minutes on end about the stupidest things. It was a habit he had trouble shaking, and when the other called him out on it in the subtlest ways, he cursed himself ever so slightly in his head. “Well, would you like me to explain?,” he wondered in return, smirk on his lips, hiding the shame he’d felt moments before. “I could give you all the details on my views on sales and how dangerous they are, if you’d like.”