(╯°□°）╯Hulking /(.□ . \)

“I wanted to fix it,” Billy said blandly. Useless, his hand slipped down to the bed, comforted by the fact that it couldn’t sink all the way down. “Loki said that was a way to fix it, a Plan B. I was an idiot for believing him, since he’s, y’know, a trickster god, and it turns out that wouldn’t have even worked…” Because apparently he couldn’t even kill himself properly. “I…didn’t know what else to do, I guess.” His shoulders slumped. “And then I just screwed up again.”

Looking up at Teddy, he gave him a shaky grimace, panic setting in at the back of his throat. “I’m still screwing up at making you happy too, so I guess…nothing’s changed, you’re right.” His voice broke towards the end, because Teddy was right. He was still stuck in the same place. Still wasting both of their lives.

He shook his head, reaching for Billy's hands slowly so that he could push him away if he wanted to, "That's not what I meant... That's not at all what I meant." He breathed in deeply, trying to focus his emotions so that he wouldn't explode on him again, "You do make me happy. That's why I'd be so upset if you were... gone. Do you understand what I mean?" 

Teddy sighed, looking down between them, "I was supposed to have a calm adult conversation with you. Not chew you out... But it's so hard to keep a calm head about this..." He wanted to just drop the topic, forget about what Kate had said, chalk it up to being a one time thing, even though he'd tried twice, and lounge on the bed with Billy, one arm around him and reading whatever comic he he had over his shoulder. 

“Maybe. You need to tell us exactly what you have planned. Instead of playing us like a chess game! Maybe we’d actually all survive then!” 

And it would be beneficial to them both if Teddy wasn't doubting everything he said and did. 

Teddy’s breath snapped his attention away from their hands, back to Teddy’s face. Billy furrowed his brows, opening his mouth twice before actually saying anything. “I don’t…” Clearing his throat, he started again. “Okay, just. I meant. Okay, let’s put it this way. I tried to make up for being a shitty boyfriend and wound up bringing back a parasite with your mom’s face instead. It was my fault, my responsibility, and that was just…I thought it was the only way to fix it. So…it was circumstantial. The mostly part is just me being an idiot. Plan A before Plan B, Billy…” He made a loose gesture with his free hand, sighing a bit.

"There are always other ways to solve it!" His resolve to stay calm and collected about the topic and conversation quickly melting. He breathed in quickly, feeling a flash of hurt, "How could you be so selfish? Why is it so easy for you take away the one thing that makes me happy? This is just like the conversation we had before and nothing's changed." 

“I don’t blame Kate,” Billy asserted, trying to at least establish fact without making a fool of himself. “She cares. I can’t blame anyone for caring, even if I want to. And that conversation must’ve been incredibly awkward for, well, both of you, actually, ouch. No one would do that unless they were really worried. Besides, she gave me plenty of chances to tell you myself.”  Which I kind of just ignored entirely. And why do I keep talking. Get to the point, Kaplan.

“I’m…really sorry that I worried you guys over nothing,” he continued. “I should’ve just explained it to her properly.” He pushed himself closer to Teddy, a bit tentative, and put a hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I love you too, Teddy. But I don’t think I’ll be summoning any interdimensional parasites anytime soon, and it was mostly just her…”

He held Billy's hand when he rested it on his shoulder, grateful for the contact, and started back into his eyes, "What does that mean? Mostly just her?" 

Holding his breath and then letting it out slowly so that he wouldn't suddenly explode on Billy, he squeezed his hand, "You were willing to... kill yourself... mostly because of her. But there were other reasons? Other factors? I need you to tell me. I need to know, Billy."

"I want to help." He added pleadingly.  

"Maybe. You need to tell us exactly what you have planned. Instead of playing us like a chess game! Maybe we'd actually all survive then!" 

He tried to jerk back instinctively when Loki pulled him forward but the mention of Billy kept him close. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion and he stared at Loki, “What is it?” Was it serious? 

Billy’s face fell before Teddy even finished clearing his throat. He gripped the corner of the top issue in a futile attempt to pull the whole stack back. Instead, his hand slipped and he ended up making an indent on the comforter. He didn’t look up.

“Ah, sure, what’s up?” he asked, inching back to his previous position.

He reached for Billy's foot, running his thumb over the heel comfortingly to get him to relax a little bit, "I was talking to Kate earlier... And she told me a few things that happened when I wasn't there..." His heart beat picked up again, apprehension swimming with his blood once more, "And pointed out a few things that did..." 

He wanted to face palm right then and there. He really should have stuck to his plan, but now he was just building and building up the conversation. Giving it more ammunition to blow up in their faces. 

"Don't blame her. I know it's tempting but she's just worried... Just like I am. Billy... can you- I just. I love you and I hate that I can't protect you. Not completely. Do you know what I mean?" 

"Whoa, hey, we’ll be alright, kid. Okay? First of all, are you hurt? …" Tony looked around, the armor’s lights illuminating the slightly-shifting walls of the mine shaft they were in. "Look, erm… I don’t trust the structural integrity of this place to just try blasting our way out, so we’ll have to find our way out." 

"How are we gonna find our way out? The whole thing is gonna cave in!" He added, the entire shaft creaking loudly. If Billy was here he would’ve been able to reinforce it somehow. 

He still felt an incredible amount of guilt for even considering it and his heart felt tight in his chest. David had suggested that leaving him for a little bit would be a sure fire way of finding out whether or not he really had a pull on Billy. But how much did he want to test that when he hated the idea of being away from him for that long? 

He tried to jerk back instinctively when Loki pulled him forward but the mention of Billy kept him close. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion and he stared at Loki, "What is it?" Was it serious? 

“I think you’re a lot more interesting than Batman, honestly,” Billy chided with a smirk. As he pushed the stack toward Teddy, inching closer, he asked, “Did you read yours yet? Dunno which ones you’re still following, but…”

His smile slipped and he looked down at the pile his boyfriend pushed over. He couldn't shelter Billy from himself. 

"Thanks... I'm not really in the mood to read now though..." Teddy cleared his throat, gathering the courage, and looked back up at Billy, "If you're not busy then... I was hoping we could talk..." 

"How much of your life is real? What does it matter? If it feels real?" He asked, trying to expel all the thoughts threatening to break down the foundation of their relationship. 

He sighed, “I love Billy. I… of course I’d wanna come on the trip.” 

He still felt an incredible amount of guilt for even considering it and his heart felt tight in his chest. David had suggested that leaving him for a little bit would be a sure fire way of finding out whether or not he really had a pull on Billy. But how much did he want to test that when he hated the idea of being away from him for that long? 

"How much of your life is real? What does it matter? If it feels real?" He asked, trying to expel all the thoughts threatening to break down the foundation of their relationship. 

He sighed, "I love Billy. I... of course I'd wanna come on the trip." 

Teddy’s voice just felt really…desperate. Knowing he was probably the cause of it made his heart sink about six feet. And Kate’s text… Billy really wanted it to be about anything else—like maybe Billy kept leaving his dirty socks everywhere, or Teddy wanted him to stop complaining about Batwoman’s wedding cancelation, or something.

Billy pressed more of his weight against the wall for some support and picked up the issue he had been reading, flipping through it at what he hoped was a steady, natural pace. Even as he tore one of the corners.

“Depends on if you consider me glaring at Batman ‘busy’,” Billy said, contorting his face into a smile. “By which I mean, no, I’m not busy.”

He sat at the edge of the bed, and took in the spread of comics Billy had around him, "I could come back later if you wanna finish." He offered. He didn't feel as desperate as before... and some apprehension about broaching the subject was starting to crawl into emotional state. 

Billy attempted to blow his bangs out of his eyes—he really needed to get a trim—as he flipped through the latest issue of Batman and Robin. The rest of his weekly pull lay in a pile next to him on the bed.

A gust of wind from the open window brushed the corners of the issue just as his phone vibrated in his pocket. Billy put the issue back on the stack and fished out his phone. It was Kate. <Is Teddy there?> Scowling, Billy sent a rapid-fire text back. <I didn’t hear him come in. I thought he was with you.>

Three days ago, she’d sent him a rather odd text, asking if he’d told Teddy about his “suicidal tendencies.” He’d seen no reason to do so—it wasn’t even relevant anymore, now that Mother was gone, so why bother? She seemed somewhat satisfied, if troubled, with the response, and reminded him for the tenth time that she was there if he needed to talk. They’d settled into their normal perpetual-texting routine shortly after, but for some reason, that last text sent a wave of dread crashing over him. He set down his phone and scowled.

He didn't usually plan things when it came to talking to his own boyfriend for God's sake. 

But his talk with Kate had shed light on a lot of things. Brought to the forefront a list of dark truths he hadn't realised the severity of before. He knew Billy was... sad. That he struggled with his own self worth on the best of days. He didn't realise how much or just how serious it all was.

So yes, he'd planned a whole scenario on the way back home of how to broach the subject, how to talk him through it... But once he'd reached his destination, he felt a desperateness fill his frame- And just pushed the door open, forcing the situation to happen faster. 

"Billy? You're not busy are you?"