Printer doing its own tech support

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@techsupporthatesyou
Printer doing its own tech support

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Typical End User
Customer: I'm trying to put a new router on the internet.
Me: I'd be happy to help with that! What's the router we're hooking up?
Customer: My old Linksys was a wireless N, this new one I got is a Linksys wireless G.
Me: I'm sorry, what?!
I confirmed the customer literally just took a pristine WRT-54G out of a cellophane shrink-wrapped box. I'm hoping they got a full refund and apology.
I advised them to pursue an AC router from a reputable source instead.
Being that it is my job to help people with online backup, I'm used to seeing people use the term "backuping." But today, for the first time, someone said "backupsed."
Who put you in charge?
Talking to someone who manages backups for someone else:
Customer: We are getting "file not found" errors for these files
Me: Are you able to open these files in Windows?
Customer: This is over my head, I would like you to help me look at her computer and see if the backup is configured properly
Me: Ok, are you on her computer now, or do you have remote access to it?
Customer: I am sure the computer is turned off now

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If you think it's ok to start ranting about politics to your tech support rep: you're holding me captive against my will, you're taking advantage of the fact that it's not professional for me to argue with you, you are a piece of shit, the worst kind of person, and I hate you.
Home users are so dramatic as opposed to business/enterprise users.
An IT professional would usually say “last time this happened I had to ___.”
A home user would usually say “last time this happened I was forced to ___.”
Little differences in language like that make home users so much more unpleasant. They will always let you know exactly how frustrated they are and exactly how much of an inconvenience it is, and they are usually personally insulted by something like a bug.
I love when I'm on a remote session with someone and they just start Googling things in the middle of it, like "light bulbs near me".... Can that not wait until we're done here? Give me back the damn mouse.
Check out @Creative_Rants's Tweet:
I love you're blog. I work sale and tech at frys so I get double the fun.
Oh man, I've been there. I used to work sales at Best Buy and it was a nightmare.

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If you're an IT professional and you say "No, I don't have access to the machine, it's in a different state," I have no sympathy for you, because you should know how to access a machine remotely.
You know what's worse than waiting for a slow computer to do something? Waiting for a slow computer to do something while an aggressive man is complaining in your ear the whole time.
Confession Time
Every day I come in to work and check my tickets for replies. Sometimes I’ll get a reply and just stare at the ticket for a moment. I’ll leave it open on my screen because I just can’t deal with it yet. It might be a difficult case. It might be a difficult person. It might just be something tedious. But sometimes that one ticket will stay open on my screen all day, staring me in the face the whole time, asking to be dealt with. Sometimes it takes several hours for me to muster up enough fucks to give, so I can deal with that case. I’m in that boat right now. I just keep coming back to the same ticket and glaring at it like it’s my opponent.
I’m gonna getcha.
Reading comprehension
Me: Our developers would like a remote session with you. They are available from 5am to 1pm EDT. Are you available during that time?
Customer: Can we do it right now?
Me: Unfortunately, they are not available right now.
Customer: When then?
A customer asked if I could call him at 6am. I told him I would be unavailable, but I put him in touch with a colleague who works at that time. He replied, "Oh, I was totally kidding about the 6am thing!" How am I supposed to know? I've gotten more demanding requests than that.

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Best chat ever
Agent: Hello, my name is -----, How might I be of assistance today?
Someone came into chat just to ask me if they should double-click the file they downloaded, in order to install the program.