Ukhti 🩷

Life has a way of changing us. Every year, every trial, every unanswered du'a, every blessing we never expected—they all leave something behind. Some experiences harden our hearts, while others soften them until we realize just how desperately we need Allah.

As I grow older, I find myself praying less for the things I used to obsess over and more for a heart that remains firm upon His religion.

Because what is success if it distances me from my Creator?

What is wealth if it fills my hands but empties my heart?

What is recognition if Allah is not pleased with me?

This dunya has a way of decorating itself so beautifully that we begin to mistake it for home. We chase achievements, careers, relationships, possessions, and dreams—as though they are permanent. Yet every funeral reminds us that we leave with none of them. The only things that accompany us are our deeds, our sincerity, and the mercy of Allah.

Sometimes I catch myself becoming too attached to this world. Too distracted. Too busy. Too comfortable. And in those moments, I ask Allah to gently pull my heart back to Him before it wanders too far.

Ya Rabb, never allow this dunya to settle so deeply in my heart that I begin to love it more than I long for meeting You.

Grant me a heart that finds comfort in the Qur'an before it seeks comfort anywhere else. A heart that turns to You before turning to people. A heart that finds peace in sujood when everything else feels overwhelming.

I want to be among those who remember You in moments of ease, not only in hardship. Among those whose private worship is more beautiful than what people see. Among those who continue returning to You no matter how many times they fall.

The journey of a believer isn't about never making mistakes. It's about never becoming too proud to say, Astaghfirullah. It's about believing that Allah's mercy is greater than our sins, and that every sincere return to Him is met with doors of mercy that never truly close.

I don't know what my future holds. I don't know which du'as will be answered tomorrow, which dreams will take years, or whether I'll live to see old age. But I know this: if my heart remains attached to Allah, then no matter where life takes me, I will never truly be lost.

So today, and every day after, my greatest du'a is not simply for worldly success or ease. It is for a heart that remembers Allah when the world is loud, a soul that remains humble when blessings increase, patience when tests arrive, gratitude in every season, and a beautiful ending when my time finally comes.

Ya Rabb, make me the woman You created me to be. Purify my intentions, forgive my shortcomings, strengthen my iman, and let every step I take be one that brings me closer to You.

If You are pleased with me, then I have everything.

If my heart is anchored to You, then I have found my way home.

اللهم يا مقلب القلوب ثبت قلبي على دينك

I pray Allah never allows this dunya to settle so comfortably in my heart that I begin to forget my journey is to Him.

When I thought I couldn’t do it anymore — when I felt like I had failed, when it seemed my prayers weren’t being answered, when my heart grew unbearably heavy and the words “I give up” almost escaped my tongue…

In those nights, I would sit for hours on my prayer mat in the last third of the night, whispering my hopes to my Creator, expecting to wake up the next morning with everything granted.

But I soon realized… that’s not how His mercy works.

My Lord never gave up on me.

Every time I reach my lowest, my Rabb sends me a sign.

Sometimes it comes as a person, a verse, a hadith, a tweet, even a short Instagram reel — gentle reminders that He is still near, calling me back to Him.

“And when My servants ask you concerning Me, indeed I am near. I respond to the call of the caller when he calls upon Me.”

(Qur’an 2:186)

I would randomly come across a post telling me to read the Qur’an — and every time I open it, there is a healing that only my Lord can bestow with such immediacy and tenderness.

“We send down in the Qur’an that which is a healing and a mercy for the believers.”

(Qur’an 17:82)

And then I remember the Prophets — how they never gave up.

How they faced trials far greater than mine, yet remained steadfast and hopeful.

“So be patient, as were those of determination among the Messengers…”

(Qur’an 46:35)

Who am I, compared to them?

What I am facing is not even a fraction of their hardship… yet they stood firm.

So I made a decision.

Even if I don’t see the results of my Tahajjud right now, I trust that Allah is preparing something better — something only He knows, something worth the wait.

“Perhaps you dislike something while Allah has placed in it much good.”

(Qur’an 4:19)

My Rabb hears.

My Rabb remembers.

My Rabb never abandons.

And so I will keep going.