TDU Tales

It was a cool and breezy autumn weekend. Snow Shiro, premier private investigator in the fourth grade, and her assistant, Janet Tor, were walking around the center of Greenwood Park. Balloon houses and stands were set up, and the noise of costumed kids running around and screaming permeated the atmosphere.

“Do you think there’s going to be trouble today?” Janet asked, twirling a stylus in her hand.

Snow surveyed the surrounding area. “Maybe,” she said, stroking her chin. “The Costume Day Carnival usually brings trouble.”

Janet thoughtfully nodded, jotting down that note in her tablet.

Snow narrowed her eyes. “I can… smell something. Follow me.”

Janet followed Snow past a swamp monster, a bank robber, and a superhero before stopping in front of a confectionary stand. There were cups of soda, candy bars, and even a cotton candy machine.

“There might be trouble afoot,” Snow said, picking up a plastic cone covered in cotton candy.

Janet stared at the cone. “Is this the ‘trouble’?”

“No, not yet,” Snow said, carefully inspecting her cone. 

“What ‘interesting thing’ did you smell?” Janet asked.

“Cotton candy,” Snow said, taking a massive chomp. “It’s very important for your brain to have sugar,” she said in between mouthfuls. “It lets you think better.”

“Oh,” Janet said, jotting down that note. “You’re right!”

“Look over there,” Snow said, pointing at a congregation of children dressed in a variety of loose white clothing. “There’s a group of ghosts. How… mysterious.”

“Aren’t they kids, not ghosts?” Janet asked.

Snow sighed. “I know that.”

An adult picked up a microphone which crackled to life. She tapped it before leaning in to speak.

“And the third place winner of the Best Ghost Costume is… Walter Graham from the Fifth Grade!”

“Only third place?” Walter huffed. He was sharply dressed in a white tuxedo. “Tell me how I’m dressed worse than any other child here!”

The judge nervously chuckled. “You won third place, isn’t that good enough?”

“I’m a ghost in a tuxedo!” Walter insisted. “A tuxedo ghost!”

“Just take your prize and go,” the judge muttered. Walter snatched the third-place-prize, twenty-five credits, before angrily storming off.

“And in second place we have… Lily Asnot from the Third Grade!”

Clapping followed, and Lily stepped up to the judge. She was wearing a costume of a video game ghost character. She received her gift, a fifty-credit-bill, and turned around to face the audience to bow. 

Janet whistled. “Are those wings?” “She looks more like a battle angel than a ghost,” Snow muttered.

“You’re right!” Janet wrote down a note.

The judge adjusted the microphone. “And in first place we have… Joey Jerikan from the First Grade!”

A small thin child eating a massive sandwich stood up. He somehow managed to stuff the entire length of food into his mouth before running up to the judge.

“The bedsheets, the special glitter - he even has waves that ripple down his costume! Don’t they all work together to make the perfect ghost?” The judge said. She gave Joey a hundred-credit-bill and a certificate.

“Actually,” Joey said, “it’s a tablecloth, baking powder, and those ripples are my stomach grumbling.” Joey took a big swig from a bottle of some kind of brown soda.

“Congratulations!” The judge said.

“See? Look.” Joey pressed his costume against his stomach.

“Food,” Joey whispered. “Food…” His abdomen started undulating.

“C-congratulations,” the judge repeated.

Joey took his prize and hopped off, and the crowd of ghosts started to disperse.

“This is rigged!” Someone shouted. It was a ghost with a large brown stain on his white shirt. “Joey stole that prize from me!”

Snow and Janet turned to the source.

“Jelli Belle,” Janet said, narrowing her eyes. “Wasn’t Jelli part of Jared’s Gang?”

“Hey, gangster,” Snow said. “Can you prove it?”

Jelli smirked. He pointed at his own shirt, and then he pointed at Joey’s bottle of soda.

“How else can you explain this, detective?” Jelli asked. 

Janet’s eyes widened. “It’s a mystery!”

Joey blinked. “What?”

“How about we settle this at the hideout,” Snow said.

🔎

Joey, Jelli, Snow, and Janet had walked a few ways to a nearby shed within the park. This was Snow’s hideout and base of operations - and there were no loud or noisy carnival events here.

Snow motioned for Joey and Jelli to sit on a few of the chairs. Snow kicked her legs up behind her desk and reclined. Janet stood behind her, tablet ready.

“So,” Snow said, “why don’t you start first, Jelli?” She took out a bubble pipe and started fiddling with it.

“It all started yesterday night,” Jelli said. “This was when the adults were preparing all the events all over Greenwood Park and I was minding my own business, you know, feeding the animals and such.”

“You wouldn’t do that,” Janet scoffed. “I saw you try to stomp a worm once!”

Jelli waved a hand dismissively. “I saw a few adults taking a break. They opened a soda bottle and poured out a few cups for themselves. Then they left it out overnight.”

Snow turned to Joey, who was eating from a bowl of noodles. “Is that true?” She asked him.

Joey shrugged. “I don’t know.” He gulped a forkful. “Maybe?”

“But this is where it gets weird,” Jelli said, narrowing his eyes at Joey. “Early in the morning I was minding my own business, you know, jogging outside and trying to get healthier and such.”

“You wouldn’t do that!” Janet insisted. “Don’t you skip all your gym classes? Like all of Jared’s Gangsters?”

Jelli shrugged. “I become healthier my own way, not the teacher’s way.”

“Maybe we should bring in one of the adults,” Janet said, turning to Snow. “Someone who helped set up the events. That way, there’s more witnesses, right?”

“Hmm,” Snow blew a bubble before thinking deeply. “Eh, that sounds like too much work.”

“Anyways,” Jelli said, “I saw Joey snooping around the cups of soda left out on the tables. He said, and I quote, ‘let me mix all these sodas together to create the super-soda! This is gonna kill me or taste super good!’ Then he took out a big bottle. Specifically, that bottle.” Jelli pointed a finger at Joey’s large two-liter bottle strapped to his backpack.

Janet turned to Joey. “Is that true?”

Joey’s face lit up. “Yes! It is! I was trying to make the super-soda from last month’s Foodie magazine. You know that, right guys?”

Everyone else in the shed shook their heads.

“Then,” Jelli said, “Joey started pouring those cups of super fizzy soda into his bottle. He put in a red soda, a blue soda, and a yellow soda, and he began mixing them into that disgusting brown foamy color.”

“Disgusting?” Joey glared at Jelli. Then he uncapped his bottle and downed the rest of the ‘super soda’ before burping. “It’s not disgusting, it’s super good!”

“And then,” Jelli said, “Joey asked me if I was entering the Best Ghost contest. Which of course, I was, because I had prepared all morning!” Jelli straightened out his white shirt, prominently displaying the brown stain. “And you know what Joey did? He said ‘good luck’, and then started SHAKING IT before uncapping the bottle and blasting me right in the shirt!”

“What?!” Joey asked. “I didn’t do that! After I said ‘good luck’ I started eating some cream puffs!”

“I can kind of see that,” Snow murmured.

“Cream puffs…” Janet wrote down a note on her tablet. “Do you have any proof for that, Joey?”

“I… I ate it,” Joey sadly shook his head.

Jelli cracked his knuckles and angrily glared at Joey. “Not only was it impossible for me to win, but because Joey won, I think he should give me the prize money, as consolation.”

“WHAT?!” Joey paused eating his granola bar. “So that’s what this is about?“

Jelli shrugged. “Or, you know, maybe just half, because your costume wasn’t that bad, according to the judge at least.”

“NO!” Joey said. “You- you made that up! You poured your own soda on your shirt, not mine!”

“Really?” Jelli grinned. He dabbed the stain with a napkin. “Why don’t you smell it then?”

Joey smelled it. Then he smelled his bottle.

“They’re… they’re the same…” Joey faltered.

“Really?” Janet asked. She followed suit and frowned. “You’re right.”

Janet chewed her lip before writing down another note.

“I don’t like this, Snow,” she muttered. “I feel like Jelli is lying, but he has all the proof. Also… Joey has none.” Janet grit her teeth. “I hate this situation…”

“Maybe it’s because you’re biased,” Jelli said. “Or maybe it’s because I’m right,” he grinned.

Joey looked at Snow for help. “Jelli is lying! He’s framing me!”

“No,” Jelli said. “You were the one who prevented me from winning!”

Snow tapped her bubble pipe on the desk, and a bit of soap fell out of it. Then she stood up.

“Someone’s alibi isn’t adding up,” she said. “And I know whose.”

🔎

“Joey,” Snow said.

Joey gulped. “What?!”

Jelli grinned.

“What did you see Jelli doing when you were eating the cream puffs?” Snow asked.

“He was… staring at the soda bottles next to the cups,” Joey said.

Jelli frowned.

“Exactly,” Snow said. “He was trying to recreate your brown ‘super soda’.”

“What?” Jelli slammed a hand down on Snow’s desk. “Why would I do that?”

“Maybe it’s because you noticed how good Joey’s costume was,” Snow said. “And you wanted to leech a bit of that prize money off him in case he won.”

“That- that makes no sense!” Jelli roared. “Why would I ruin a good shirt for no reason! I don’t even know who’s gonna win!”

“Why would you bring up the ruined shirt… after the prizes were announced?” Snow said. “Or maybe you ruined it right then?”

Jelli moved back. “N-no, you don’t have any proof! Are you making things up?”

Snow walked around her desk and took a step towards Jelli. “Are you making things up?”

Jelli stumbled backwards. “What do you mean?”

“You say the soda was left out overnight,” Snow said. “Wouldn’t that have made the soda… flat?”

Jelli opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out.

“You say the soda was extremely fizzy… but after many hours, in a cup where all the carbonation can escape? I don’t think so.” Snow said. She blew a bubble into Jelli’s face, which popped on his nose.

“I- I just misremembered!” Jelli said.

“That stain on your shirt seems to rely on that ‘wrong’ memory,” Snow continued.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Jelli flung open the shed door and ran out.

After a few moments Janet picked up her tablet and looked through it.

“Wow,” Janet muttered. “I didn’t even bother to write that detail down..”

“Thank you, Snow!” Joey said. “Here, take some of this.” He pulled out a candy bar. “For payment!”

“Sugar makes you think better,” Snow grinned. “Payment accepted.”

It is said that pre-kindergarten is where babies become fully-fledged kids.

It is said that first grade is where dreams come to die; it is where one’s grade is labeled with a number which only increases for an amount of time insignificantly different from eternity.

It is said that only in kindergarten one can maximize their responsibilities and freedoms to their fullest extent.

It was during this time where two five-year-olds, Sammy Leumas and Emily Nitrator, had realized where they stood in life and how much they truly meant to each other.

This kind of relationship was extremely rare - it was not only more powerful than friendship, but best-friendship and even super-best-friendship. 

Sammy was the kind of young gentleman to offer his place in the lunch line for Emily. Emily was the kind of young lady to eat Sammy’s vegetables for him during said lunch. They were inseparable. They were a power team.

On the evening Sammy shielded his (at the time) super-best-friend Emily from the water guns of the terrifyingly large second- and third-graders, Emily realized that she had to declare her love to Sammy.

“Sammy, I don’t think we should be super-best-friends anymore,” Emily had said.

“WHAT!?” Sammy had eloquently verbalized.

“We should be husband and wife!” Emily declared. Her cheeks blushed, and she felt a certain kind of excitement course through her chest.

“Oh,” Sammy responded thoughtfully. “Say what again?”

Of course, this event had happened quite a long, long time ago. Almost a full week, in fact.

SAMMY

Sammy and Emily were walking through the massive hallways of the prison-complex where they were forced to labor though for half their waking hours every day. It was known as “Primary School 54”, and they carefully eyed the prison wardens watching them from in front of their classroom doors.

Sammy gulped, passing by the cell marked “K-2”. It was supposedly the second dedicated kindergarten classroom, but that information came directly out of their principal’s mouth. Only a pre-kindergartener would be so naive.

“We’re here!” Emily brightly declared, grabbing his hand and leading him through. “Where’s Teacher Nalia?”

Diamond Ruby, a fellow kindergartener, just grinned. “She’s gone to the bathroom. Well, I hope you know that means she put me in charge.”

Sammy narrowed his eyes. “The hall monitor.” Diamond already wielded significant influence within the classroom, but apparently that wasn’t enough power for her. She had gone out of her way to volunteer as the hall monitor during the first month of school. She was a comprador for the teacher, and an agent of the school system by extension. She was not to be trusted.

Emily looked at Sammy with concern. “What’s wrong?”

Sammy opened his mouth to vent his frustrations but quickly shut it. Emily wouldn’t understand. She had volunteered, too, but she was different. Emily wasn’t the hall monitor.

A boy sitting across the round shot up at the scene, rubbing his hands together gleefully. An escape groaned Sammy as he mentally prepared for the barrage.

“Sammy and Emily, sitting in a tree~” Cross Terrel started.

“K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” His twin brother, Brownie Terrel, finished. They cackled, and Sammy desperately tried mentally figuring out who their financial backers were. Was it Diamond? Or was it Teacher Nalia? Or… or was it even Principal Ted himself?!”

“Emily,” Sammy muttered under his breath. “How much candy do you think it took to break them?” He turned to his partner-in-crime for confirmation, but for some reason, she was only smiling with a slightly embarrassed expression.

EMILY

Sammy was holding Emily’s hand. He looked so determined, like he always was when blocking the water balloons or when he was trying to eat soibean sprouts or when he was trying really hard to sleep during nap time.

And now he was holding her hand!!!

“First comes the love~” Cross said,

“Then comes the marriage,” Brownie continued,

“Then comes the baby in the baby carriage!” They exclaimed in unison.

Emily put her other hand on her mouth. She hadn’t even thought that far ahead. A baby?! That was… that was much too soon. Where could they even buy baby carriages?!

“I don’t think that can happen right away,” Emily said shyly.

“OOOOH!” The twins exclaimed. “EMILY ADMITTED IT!”

Giggling erupted through the classroom, but Sammy held an arm out as if to protect her.

“You can’t force Emily to admit anything!” He shouted. “These dirty mind tricks of yours are no doubt some sort of psychological torture!”

Emily wasn’t so sure what Sammy said, but once again he was trying to protect her. Emily could only blush in response.

“That’s enough,” said Carina Kendrine, a tall girl with a long, pointy, hat. She was part of the Occult Club, and she dealt with the supernatural. “If you really want to prove your vows to one another, then meet me during… recess.”

Emily brightened up at that. The more people she could play with, the better. One of her favorite memories was playing freeze-tag with over half the class, but that was set up by Emerald Ruby - the prettiest girl in the class and the sister of Diamond herself - almost a full month ago. She didn’t have as many friends as Emerald, but maybe she could play with more than just Sammy this time! She looked over at Sammy, but instead of feeling happy like she was, he was pale and shaking.

SAMMY

Recess: it was the only slot of time where the unalienable rights given to Sammy’s demographic - “students” - were able to be freely exercised. And Carina just wanted him and Emily to give that up? She was taking advantage of their relationship. She was unforgivable.

Sammy had thought about how much of a monster Carina was for all of his morning classes until, finally, the bell rang.

“Aren’t you excited?” Emily clenched her hands together. “Finally, we get to play with more people!”

Sammy could only watch in awe. He wanted to protect her bright and optimistic smile - her innocence. He, too, clenched his fists - but his fingers were wrapped around feelings of revenge instead.

The pair arrived at a table set up at the far corner of the courtyard where not even the teachers cared - this was no doubt going to be some kind of trap or another. Others ran around screaming in joy, playing hoppers, freeze-tag, and even hide-and-seek. Sammy could avert his eyes, but could not close his ears.

“Sit,” Carina said. She motioned to a cup placed on the table draped with some sort of star-patterned blanket, and pulled out a stick-like-implement. “As a member of the Occult Club, I will demonstrate to you the power of the supernatural.”

Emily leaned forwards in excitement. She turned to Sammy. “Isn’t this so cool! They’re gonna show us a magic trick!”

Sammy narrowed his eyes, searching Carina. This was all too suspicious. “And… Why exactly are you showing us?” Sammy asked. “Why do you care so much about me and Emily, huh?”

Carina looked momentarily flustered, but quickly regained her composure. “Emily’s… Emily’s a good friend, okay? She said she wants to get married, so I just need to make sure that you’re the right one for her!”

Sammy turned to Emily, whose expression was surprisingly concerned.

“Wait, what?!” Emily said. “Carina, does this mean you’re still not gonna play with me after all?! Come on…!”

Carina cleared her throat. “The Occult Club needs me. Well, we’ll see after I decide how truly compatible you two are with each other, after all.”

“Like you can even determine that?” Sammy challenged, raising an eyebrow. “What gives you the authority?”

Carina flourished her stick-like implement - a strange wooden handle which tapered and terminated in a mysterious, clear bead. “With my wand, of course!” She pointed it at the cup. “Ama beo ceta de’lear - make the cup disappear!”

Carina blinked, then coughed.

“I said, make the cup disappear!”

A moment passed, but nothing happened.

Carina kicked the table. “Cup - disappeario!”

A sudden invisible force wrought the cup with such violence that the drinking implement tumbled backwards and got swallowed by the drapes of the table. Sammy’s mouth was agape at such mysticism that he almost fell onto the floor. Luckily, Emily had grabbed the scruff of his shirt before that happened.

EMILY

“Um,” Emily said. “That was a very… magic trick!” She had missed playing with Carina in the beginning of the year, but now she wasn’t so sure anymore.

“H-how?!” Sammy yelped. He was slowly moving to and fro, and if Emily hadn’t caught him he might’ve fallen down. Emily wasn’t so sure how that was possible to begin with, as they were both sitting down on chairs.

“See?” Carina clasped her hands together. “Convinced now?”

Emily knew Carina had someone under the table yanking the cup backwards with a string. It was extremely obvious. Even then, she knew it probably wasn’t a string but a clear plastic wire. Two days ago Carina had found it and was talking about how great of a magic trick she could set up by placing someone underneath a table and yanking a cup backwards. In fact, Sammy was there too.

But before Emily could say anything, Carina started, waving around a wooden stick which Emily quickly realized was one of the school band’s drum sticks.

“Now, I shall test your compatibilities.”

Carina pointed her “wand” at Emily, and a pleasant expression washed over her face.

Then, she pointed it at Sammy, and she looked like she wanted to murder him.

“Incompatible,” Carina murmured. “How disappointing…”

“WHAT?!” Sammy leapt to his feet. “HOW?! No, do that again!”

“As you wish,” Carina said. Once again, she pointed her drum stick at Emily, and she smiled even brighter than before. Then, she looked at Sammy with an expression not too unsimilar to finding a rotting corpse.

“Unfortunately…. Incompatible, once again.” Carina shook her head slowly. “I cannot sense the willpower or commitment of Mr. Samuel Leumas here that will help Ms. Emily Nitrator through thick and thicker.”

“Thick and thin,” Emily commented, but neither of them seemed to notice.

Sammy slammed a fist down on the table. “I can most definitely help Emily! I’ll sacrifice anything - be it my homework, my chores, or even my annoying older brother - to help her!”

Carina tilted her head, looking unconvinced. “Is that so?”

“Yes!”

“Even your free time? Like… recess?”

Sammy choked. “So, things like that are up in the air, too, huh?” He looked away angrily.

Emily blinked in confusion. Wasn’t Sammy… already doing that? But before she could speak, Sammy held up his hand to interrupt Emily.

“Don’t tell me… I don’t want to admit it, but…”

A smile spread across Carina’s face. “As I expected.”

Sammy gulped, but his eyes shone with determination. “You’re wrong, Carina. I think… I think I can do that too. I can sacrifice recess, too.”

Emily felt strange. Sammy was saying something really cool, but why was she feeling so annoyed?

Carina leaned in, narrowing her eyes. “And how exactly can I trust your word for that?” She held up a hexagonal tube holding some white powder. “Would you even care if I bind your word to a powdered curse of mine? It is called ‘love-creepus’, and it will bind your love to just one person! If you fall out of love or even love someone else, you will die!”

SAMMY

Death was a complex and weighty topic. Some have said death was like many years full of recess; others, many years without recess. But it was full of years, nonetheless. A single year had dozens of weeks, and Sammy had no idea what kind of insanity that would drive someone to. Looking at his mother and father, for example, gave him a decent idea of the madness that would follow several dozen years of mental and physical degradation. Imagine assigning chores to those who you supposedly love? Imagine voluntarily sending them to the industrial school-prison complex?

Sammy straightened his back to hide his nerves, but Sammy must have not hidden it well enough. He stole a glance at Emily, who looked back at him, looking somewhat disappointed.

“It’s uh… not very high stakes, Sammy.” Emily tried to reassure him. Sammy’s heart wavered. Emily’s heart contained a far stronger soul than he originally credited her for. “Um,” Emily continued, “shouldn’t the answer be kind of obvious?” she cautiously asked.

Sammy gulped, not expecting his faith in the relationship to be tested to such extents. But here he was, having to choose freedom or Emily. Sammy tightly squeezed his eyes. Deep down he knew the answer was obviously Emily, but he just needed the resolve to accept being bound by such powerful contract magic.

Moments passed, and Sammy finally opened his eyes. His vision was clear. Even if Emily became like his mom, then he’d become like his dad. He’d stick with her, both through thick and thicker. If she supported sending her offspring to the hard labor of room-cleaning and the like, well, he’d be her implement. It was idealistic to believe Emily would agree with Sammy on all manner of things, but it was then that Sammy decided to live with Emily first and ideals second.

He turned to Emily, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He had finally steeled his resolve. But for some reason, Emily was staring at her watch, looking completely disillusioned.

“Um, actually…” Emily said, “I don’t think you should do it, Sammy. Your life and your freedom to like other people is worth more.”

Sammy was struck with two conflicting emotions: one which admired Emily’s ability to consistently empathize through his darkest moments and another which struck terror into his heart. Emily had lost faith in him?

“No it’s not,” Sammy shot back, slightly miffed. “If it is, I can just play with someone else during recess then!”

“You know what?” Emily started angrily, “if you play with someone else, then you dying to some curse is worth it!”

Carina looked slightly confused. “Wait, what’s going on? Do you guys want the curse or not?”

“YES!” They both glared at each other in unison.

“Sammy willus dieus if he doesn’t love Emily-io,” Carina chanted. “For realus, curse, activate!” She whipped out the mysterious container and flung some of the powdered curse at them. Emily coughed and batted it away, but Sammy inhaled slowly while leaning back, almost as if to absorb its essence.

“The essence of love and death,” Sammy whispered. “Magic is quite a powerful construct.”

Emily’s face, on the other hand, was scrunched up strangely. “Magic tastes like salt.”