SYDNEY + LUCAS.
-
âYeah, maybeâŚâ Lucas said quietly, if only because it still felt like something he was having a difficult time navigating on his own. Usually he could go to his dad or the guys in the club, or even Sydney, but this issue seemed so personal and uncertain that he couldnât be sure if he was even making the right decision. As much as he appreciated Sydneyâs opinion on things, her obvious bias prevented him from actually asking her what she thought. He understood why she was so protective and he couldnât fault her for it, but that didnât mean he thought she should write his mother off completely either.Â
âI only know what she did to you. Thatâs what I donât like.â At her words, Lucas couldnât help the faint, off-the-cuff chuckle that escaped. There wasnât nothing particularly funny about her words other than the fact that it sounded like a very similar conversation he had previously with his mother, âItâs weird, thatâs what she said about you.â While they had both abandoned him when he needed them most at one point in his life, Lucas could say with certainty that neither Sydney or his mother deserved to have their mistakes held over their head for this long. âIâll be okay, Syd. Whatever happens, itâll be okayâ He said, almost to reassure himself since the last thing he wanted was to have his heartbroken another time by his mother, but that was the risk he was willing to take.
When the issue of Maine came up, Lucas knew right off the bat that Sydney would need time to get used to the idea. Averting his eyes downward, Lucas shrugged his shoulders as he tried to come up with some sort of explanation that made sense, âI know Maineâs far away and I donât know anyone up there but⌠I donât know, a fresh start could be good for meâ Leaving the club was something Lucas had been battling for years now, perhaps this would give him the extra push to actually follow through this time. âI havenât made any decisions yet, no. All I know is that if I stay here nothinâs gonna changeâ Heâs ride his bike, work at the shop, and devote his entire life to the club. There would be no growth, no chance at something more to define himself other than a ragged old vest. At this point in his life, Lucas wanted more. It was selfish, but after consistently putting everyone and everything else above himself, Lucas decided he deserved to be a little selfish. âDo you think I should stay?â He finally said, eyes looking up towards her for any sign that he was making a bad decision. After all, what was he even staying for? His relationship with Sydney hadnât gone anywhere the last few months and it was clear the club was taking its toll on him already.Â
-
The dark slash of Sydneyâs brow arched in time with an undignified snort. âIf she approved of my fuck-ups I think weâd have an even bigger problem on our hands, donât you?â Though she didnât love the idea of someone out there passing judgement on her past without knowing all the factors, it wasnât lost on Syd that sheâd done that very thing when it came to Josephine. Pot meet kettle, or some shit like that. Tucking her lower lip behind her teeth, she let the comparison in her head marinate for a moment.
If anything, re-evaluating her stance on his mother kept her mind from drifting to the newest elephant in the room.
The way she saw it, Sydney had three options. Lie, and tell Lucas heâd be making the biggest mistake of his life if he left with her now. Lie, and tell Lucas she thought he should go and wouldn't be bothered either way. Orâ- pulling the hangnail clean off her thumb with a wince, Syd inhaled for courage and chose door number three. "I think if the roles were reversed and I suddenly had the chance to have my mom around again... I'd be insane not to consider the offer." The truth already tasted foul on her tongue, and she hadn't even gotten to the hard parts yet.
"I think--- I think even if you don't admit it you've spent a really long time hopinâ for a sign that your life could be different. That you had another choice." Hadn't she preached that to him innumerous times over the years? Hadn't she urged him to look forward and imagine himself a new path? Now he might have one ripe for the taking. A piece of Sydney's soul cleaved in two just thinking about a real goodbye, but if she couldn't give it to him straight then she had no right claiming she ever truly loved him in the first place.
Under no circumstances did she expect to find herself in tears that day, but Syd wiped a wet track off her cheek, anyway. âI think you probably owe it to yourself to at least see what might happen. I think it could be good for you--- but I want you to stay.â It was probably the closest she'd come to revealing how she actually felt since their conversation on Colleen's porch swing. "Unfortunately for me,â she let loose some odd combination of a cough, laugh, and clearing of her throat, âthose are kinda two entirely different things. Guess I never have been that great and gettin' my heart and my head on the same page."
















