I am waiting for something to go wrong

I wish I could think of something else when I can't sleep at night, but whenever I wake up at 2 or 3 am and can't get back to sleep I can only think about the times I was raped. I wish I could just send out into the world the names of my rapists and let the world know who they are and what they did so I can get some peace of mind, but for some reason I feel like I just can't do that. I think about the repercussions of posting something like this on my other social media and what would happen if I did so. I never came forward about what happened to law enforcement because I knew they would do nothing for my case. And I blame myself for never saying anything about it. I can't keep doing that, but I can't keep thinking about these men who did me wrong and stole my virginity. I'm even hesitant about posting this, but I think something needs to be said about what happened to me. I think every person who has been assaulted should be able to identify their attackers publicly without feeling shamed. Years later, I still lay awake at night crying and thinking about what you did to me, Collin David and Parker Stroud.