I will be graduating in a few months and got a full time job offer close to home, so I will be living at home. My parents have done SO MUCH for us, so I obviously want to give back to them. They’ve asked me to take over some financial responsibilities etc since I’m gonna be making a pretty decent amount of money. I have no idea how I’m going to live in this house after having lived away from home for the last 1.5 years.

I was hoping that my new form of ‘independence’ aka my job would give me some leniency in regards to my parents, but it hasn’t. I realize parents will always see their children as being little/young, but when will they realize that I am/will be fine? I want to respect my parents rules, since I am living in their house (I’m even scared to break some rules compared to my younger sister, who lives at home). But they have absolutely the narrowest mindset and I don’t know how to help them understand/change.

I was telling my mom I want to eventually move out - which she was completely opposed to bc “why would you move to your own apartment when your job is so close to home?” ...(okay makes sense, but I didn’t even apply to any jobs away from home bc they were giving me so much pressure to stay home, so that I could help them financially. my mom always says she would’ve “let me” go away if I got a better/well paying job, but I know she wouldn’t have been okay with it). She made a comment which upset me, she said “okay wait till you get married and we’ll let you move” (again with the “let you” - as in they control what I can/can’t do). I was pretty angry about this comment at first and snapped at her (which is my fault), but then I was trying to explain to her why that comment made me upset.

I was telling her that as a mother and a woman, she should be telling me to go be independent and make a lot of money, travel here, do this, do that and pushing me to do great things for myself. Especially as a woman who has gone through so much. Our household is very patriarchal, my mother would never do anything without my dad’s permission etc. But she was not understanding it, I was really really trying to be calm and explain to her. This was her response: