Lily's Eyes

today papa john’s called my starbucks and they were like “are u guys interested in a trade” and five frappuccinos later they gave us two large pizzas and a large order of cheesy bread

I think a bird fell in the snow and then walked away. I think.

IM LAUGHING

that girl you just called fat? who cares about her backstory, you just shouldn’t be a dick to people like do we really need a tragic story to get people to stop being mean to each other wtf

how did you get in there.

how did you get out of there

who cares PROFESSIONAL MERMAID

There’s a bar in Great Falls, Montana that has a water tank behind the bar where women in mermaid tails and shell bikinis swim around and I assume they pay them. So…if you want that job…it does exist.

Duuude

nothing feels better than winning monopoly. not love. not sex. not free pizza. nothing

I’m sorry, have you tried pizza…?

yes and it doesn’t compare to owning half the board and watching the light die from your friends eyes as you take their money and feel your friendship slowly deteriorate

i like you