Moments

have my kris dreemurr character playlist i have been curating for a couple years. yes im a filthy kinnie. no im not well. enjoy.

So much life drips from my eyes,

I must be living more than others

with how it cries out of me.

Life splashes on tile floor and

soaks into sleeves, giving

sentience for the moment

they hold it, if only

to understand.

Others do not understand my

overflow of existence, just

tell me to hold it in for when its needed.

Life is not needed, but it simply is,

as it overflows and runs

down front step gardens to

mouth at the river that re-

consumes.

There is no place to put my life,

it is inconvenient and it is messy,

and it bothers both you and i.

So you must let it be

as I let it run free,

for what must build up

must come crashing right

Listen on shuffle for the intended listening experience

On Tidal:

On Spotify (extra tracks here, but supports I.C.E. and pays artists less):

acid eel unfurls from my stomach

wriggle and writhe, unending esophagus

have to grab the head and pull

whipping skull and throat at whim

scrape film layers under tooth and nail

on acrid animal, vile and viscous

foam dripping pooled bloody lips

wet as jewel and rare as flesh

burning like the yank of a rope

soul chaffed, raw and shining

its poison clouds sense, my senses

must consume it, swallow down

i pray to the plants in the sidewalk cracks,

to the worms dying in the summer sun.

they are more gods than i,

remanents of something more beautiful.

how far would i need to go back,

to see the time when they ruled the earth?

where the plants in the sidewalk cracks

grew wild and free,

and the worms dying on the pavement

find earth wherever they move?

i wish to find myself there, but until then

i pray to the plants in the sidewalk cracks,

Scream out my name,

This, my carrion call.

No holy thing,

Death keeps out of its thrall.

Your voice is horse,

Scratched deep from the sinning,

Please understand

These poor underpinnings

Were not first form'd

By love, need, or malice

But by a God

Who thought me a palace.

Pariah's form,

Flesh form perfect vision,

Good intention

Yet made a strong prison.

Crystal cocoon

For vision and voyeur

Still magnifies

Deep sacrelige power.

Relish in it,

Become something God loathes,

Imbibe in sick,

take off skin as clothes,

Partake of filth,

New life call clarion,

And let shine in

I ask you what's wrong

and you look at me like a dead dog

I ignore the flies

trace the point of origin,

feel it string from gut to chest

under sternum

tied tautly to spine,

and always more than i can handle

but keep it there where i can see it,

sorry stick up,

abysmal felon

it cannot stay as it was,

i hold it there in dismal cells

as tried is true,

i am not guiltless

as it pulls me deep inside.

a place i find just out of reach,

so quick and neat

does nothing compose

only become more wide and deep

Every time I come home

I am faced with the reflection

Of the people I used to be.

I can barely recognize them anymore,

And yet they live within me,

Polaroid snapshots faded with time.

I know they still exist somewhere,

Though i can't tell where

Because I still house their pain;

feed their favorite foods,

brush back their hair,

I overflow with poetry,

flowery words come

through conscious flow.

petals circle drain,

flush out of sight

and down, away they go.

some i pluck from water,

soon press on page or

waiting tongue.

the rest are not

but pretty thoughts,

next moment they are gone.

Rue the thought

i will not find

bouquet to understand.

the flowers lost,

with careless toss

Oh mother, you loved me so hard,

you became a cage.

You held me within you

As i was once in your womb,

Trying to recreate

The warmth, comfort, and safety

Of the home you once were.

Oh mother, I love you dearly.

I see myself within you

The same way you

Once saw yourself in me.

I still see the practical art

That motherhood stole,

That I took from you

Upon my birth, as

The rib Eve stole from Adam.

Oh mother, the pain it is

To hold you within me.

You peak through my cracks

In the smallest mannerisms,

And when i catch myself,

I feel the way we held each other,

Desperately consuming the other

Yet still purging everything after.

Oh mother, how we hurt each other,

The shell of what used to be

My bedroom still haunts

The corners of my mind,

Everything that happened there.

I don't regret what I've done,

But I wish that your pain

Mirror facing mirror,

the infinite abyss of an empty mind.

Mist at the edge of thought,

never to see the end.

there is no comfort,

a bleak wasteland of ruin

taking over consciousness,

never perceiving, never knowing.

Experience and forget,

a never ending process

on a delicate line, a balance

of life and death.

Remember too much

and forget who you are,

or forget all you have, and