through the fire

closed starter for @tannerkohli

Despite the afternoon hour, Tanner looked like she was just dragging herself out of bed for the day when she walked through the door of the pub. She was wearing last night's clothes and looked an absolute mess, head pounding from her drinking from the previous night. "Peachy," she said in greeting as Mari came her way. "Any chance I left my phone here last night? I couldn't find it this morning at...whatever his name's apartment." After not finding it anywhere at the stranger's apartment she'd spent the night at, Tanner was hoping it was safe at the bar.

"I keep waiting for them to kick me out, but they keep letting me come back. I guess sometimes...people are just good," she mused, head shaking gently. Tanner didn't think herself a part of that group, nor did she think she ever would be, but she was glad to at least have a few people around her that were just decent to the core. "I mean, I wasn't going to be the one to say it, but you do need some fucking fun in your life. Pick a date on the schedule, I'll make it happen. Monaco would be a fun one. I'm busy most of the week, but I'll make what time I can. Plus, there's always hot, rich people at these things, so world's your oyster there. Plenty of fun to be had."

This wasn't the type of person he normally was. The cheerful, joking around Erik felt like it had been dead and buried along with his sister. It felt like the loss combine with his immobility and the loss of his life as he knew it had torn him down to the ground completely and the only way to cope with it was to shut people out. Tanner wasn't the first person he'd lashed out towards, his brother had already gotten an earful from him. But she was the first person he was casting out completely. Though he had doubts she had been as serious about him as he was about her, he made himself believe anything good was undeserving right now. "Sounds about right." His answer sounded, looking at her. @erikxnystrom

The complete lack of warmth in Erik's voice hurt more than the words themselves did. Tanner had lived in a world where she expected people to leave and in most cases she made it a point to leave first. Yet, this time, it had been different. She'd let her guard down, found reasons to continue to stay, and now it was biting her in the ass. Gathering her things back to her bag in a moment of silence, she let the words settle between them before getting back up out of the chair. "You're going to feel like a real fuckhead about this whenever you get around to pulling your head out of your ass." The words were said in an indifferent monotone, the tone that she held with most people until they broke through her walls. Walls that were now quickly closing off to Erik as she slung her bag over her shoulder to leave.

Tanner had always been the type of person to put herself first. Self-preservation ruled the day far more often than she ever stepped out of her way to help people. Somehow, though, she had found herself surrounded by some of the kindest people she could have imagined. "No, for real, they thrive on it. Whole damn family. Ian's parents too. They're just as fucking nice," she said with a hint of wonder to her voice. Whether it was the family here in Kismet or the family members out in New York, they'd only ever taken her in and helped her every step of the way in life. "Never, though. Never is the answer. I offered to take them to one of the races coming up on the calendar. You're invited too, if you want to come. I'll cover flights and everything, just. You know. As a thank you." A small gesture that only touched the surface of how much the family had done for her, but it was something. "I'll probably be spending more time at the factory, so. Try to get you guys out there on the road with me."

She wasn't acting differently, he just thought differently. Whereas before he saw her behaviour as a challenge, something to banter about. He never dared to think they were serious, she never gave him a reason to but that didn't mean he didn't like to try and push her buttons. Call it depression, but he just couldn't find himself to care about anything anymore. He didn't have any jobs lined up, couldn't do any of his hobbies as he required both legs for those. His family was just a breathing reminder of what they had lost, of what he had failed upon. Perhaps he was just being destructive and she was about to take the brunt of it. "You should go." He said, ignoring the things she had said in the last couple of seconds. "I don't need your pity." @tannerkohli

The words hit with a wave of cool energy, Tanner's posture shifting to a defensive one the moment Erik spoke. It wasn't a surprise to hear it, not at all, but it still stung. She'd seen the change in Erik over the last few weeks, seen him withdraw further and further from not just her, but everything. And she got it. She'd been there herself in the deep darkness as she'd gone through her own recovery and so she understood it. It didn't make it sting any less, though. Sitting back in the chair she'd taken up, Tanner folded her arms across her, letting the words settle between them for a moment. "I walk out the door, I'm not coming back, Erik," she said simply. There was a lot she could have said otherwise, more fight that she could have put up about it, but she didn't. She couldn't. Tanner rarely opened up to people, rarely let them in. The fact that she'd done so with Erik and was now in a position of being hurt had her closing off quickly, protecting herself from being any more vulnerable than she already had been.

"You know, I always suspected, but never knew for certain until now," she batted back with another quick laugh. It had always just been weird twists of fate that had kept bringing them back to the same cities at the same times, as seemed to be the case again here. Given their history, Tanner had no illusions that either of them would choose to live in the same space again, even if their dramas were long past and all but a memory. "Sounds fancier than it is. Sort of. I work with a new team, so I'm at the factory in Italy most of the time or on the road traveling for race weekends. I just pop back here when I've got off time to visit," she explained a bit further, resisting the urge to puff up with pride as she talked about her job. Even with all the other shit going on in her life, she at least had her now flourishing career to cling to as a win. "And what the fuck brought you to live in a shit little town like this?"

"Half the battle is starting something? Dana, we haven't had enough tequila to start spouting off quotes from Chicken Soup for the Soul," she snorted, quickly reaching to pour another round for them. The liquid courage was much more her style and odds were she'd be at least a shot or two deep before any time she stepped foot into the hospital. "Smart girl. Hospitals are the fucking worst. But, I guarantee there's some sick fucks out there that love that shit. They probably feed on all the fucking sad shit and emotional spiraling." Her hand curled into an anxious fist, the thought hitting her of just how much she would be walking into when she went to see Erik. "I guess I should expect him to be...pretty fucked up?"

Blue eyes shifted momentarily, at the ruckus the woman made when she entered, looking at her belongings she tossed on the table. He ignored her first sentence, his fingertip tapping against his temple. It was hard to be the Erik he was before he lost his sister. His time at the hospital had been less traumatic than that one night that would forever be seared into his brain. "Sure. Let me put my shoes on and go for a run. Maybe take the bike out." He sarcastically answered, dropping his hand from against his head and sat up straighter. "Thought you'd be jumping at the chance not to be seen with me." @tannerkohli

"You know, that wasn't going to be my suggested activity, but if that's what you want to do, by all means," she replied back with just as sarcastic a tone, matching his energy where he was at. Even with everything that Erik had been through, Tanner had more or less been treating him the same as she always had, her usual sarcastic attitude not fading in the face of tragedy. She never knew how to handle true grief like this and had opted to do the only thing she knew how to do, be herself. "And, lucky me, I wasn't planning on going out in public with you either. There's a drive-in theatre a few towns over. Figured we could pick up some shitty takeout and go watch a stupid movie. But, if you prefer to stay here and be miserable, I can also just sit here in silence and work on some work shit."

It probably shouldn't have been as surprising to hear that Monet was living in Kismet as it felt. They'd been bouncing around in the same spaces for so long that it almost felt like the universe was trying to shove them in the same city. "I think the obvious answer is that you've been stalking me my entire life. I'm just here visiting, though. I still live in New York. Sort of. Italy mostly right now, for work, but I visit here," she explained. Despite the fact that she had been firmly planted there in Kismet since she'd arrived almost two years ago, Tanner had still yet to commit to the idea of being there with any permanency. It had been months now since she'd stepped foot in New York, her trips back from work always landing her back in Kismet. As the bartender came about, Tanner motioned for a refill on her beer, head turning back to Monet with a glimmer of amusement. "Maybe just strictly a you thing. Everyone else says I'm delightful. I'm no trouble at all."

"When I walk in there, say hi, and have nothing else to say, I'm giving you full blame," she half-joked back, head giving an approving nod as Dana took her own shot. It was what they both needed. Something to dull all the craziness of what had been going on and in this case Dana far more than herself. "But, no, no. I can go on my own, just have to...fucking go do it." Her nose wrinkled, a deep sigh leaving her body before she reached for the bottle to fill up another shot in her glass. "I'm not really a hospital person. After living in one for a few months, they kind of lose their charm."

Despite the sinking feeling that she'd had the last day and a half, it did nothing to temper the now intense levels of concern that were bubbling up as Solana explained what she was reading. "De - what..." she could barely stomach getting the word out of her mouth to repeat Solana, the possibility something she wasn't prepared to consider sitting there alone in her hotel room. Biting down at her lower lip, Tanner gave herself a second to breathe before she nodded, the task of getting home now something that she could cling to. It was something else to think about and worry about to keep her mind focused on a task instead of on her crumbling emotions. "I can...yeah. I can um. I'll see if I can get uh - yeah. I'll work on it. Keep me updated if you hear anything?" A hint of desperation bled into her voice, hoping that Solana would text her before she could even get a flight home to let her know that it was all just a misunderstanding.