littlethoughts&bigdreams

             Right now, I'm probably the last person you want to hear from. I'm the last name you want to pop up on your screen, that is, if you still have my number, if you still remember it. As I struggle to type these words, wiping the tears from my eyes, listening to Just Like Heaven, remembering when I used to sing it in the car, facing you while you drove us off to nowhere, as I deeply meant the words as they flourished out of my mouth and realized I was the happiest girl in the world, [show me how you do that trick] I want to tell you how I feel. I write it down, put it away and try to forget it [the one that makes me scream], because I know it's not fair for me to tell you how I feel now after fucking everything up like I always do. [the one that makes me laugh] It's not fair after you going through what I did to you. After you spent hours thinking about me [threw her arms around my neck] when I thought none about you, not because I didn't care, [I promise you] but because I spaced out into my own little world, five-thousand miles away from you and had no time to think. [I promise you] It was like a dream and I didn't wake up. [I'll run away with you, I'll run away with you] Now, I know you are trying your hardest to forget me because I did you too much damage. Therefore it's not fair for me to jump back into your life especially when I am away and will be away for a long time. ["Why are you so far away?" she said] I would die to know what you are doing right now at this very second. ["Why won't you ever know..] To lie in bed like I used to and hearing you tell me about your day and what you did and what you thought about, [..that I'm in love with you?"] you telling me about our future plans and our happily ever after. [I'm in love with you.] So despite whether you will ever read this, I still want to put it out there. That I regret what I did and I wish things had ended differently. [you, soft and only] I don't know if you were just a person meant to be in my life for a short time to get me through a year of bliss before departing or a person that i will reunite in the future with just like we planned [you, lost and lonely] and just the timing was not on our side the first time. [You're just like a dream] I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, not even talk to me again but just forgive me, because I feel horrible for what I did [I must have been asleep for days] and I never wished for things to happen the way they did. [And moving lips to breathe her name] I am holding myself from messaging everyone asking about you, [I opened up my eyes] if they have seen you around school, at get-togethers, parties, classes... [I found myself alone, alone, alone..] just to hear that they saw you would be enough to ease my mind. And I love the way the pieces look with you in the picture.