queen of noise

send in “ i had to do that… just once. “ for the sender, having learned that the receiver might no longer be in their life (due to a pending deadly mission, moving to another country, etc.), to suddenly approach the receiver and pull them in for a passionate kiss, revealing their unspoken feelings for the receiver in the process.  

orange  lights  spilled  through  glass and  painted them  in  gold  strokes.  maybe if it had been  another  day,  tammy would have felt differently  about  it.  she’d  take  pictures  and  laugh,  maybe  in another  universe  they’re  all  hanging  out.  she quietly imagines  one  where  she  gets  to  be  with  someone  ― particularly  the  guy  driving,  who’s  been  glancing  her  way  every  so  often.  they  keep  missing  eachother .  sometimes it looks  like  he  has  something  to  say  to  her  (  something  big  )  but then,  he just doesn’t.. 

 tammy  was  supposed  to  go  with  erica ,  max and  lucas. they  haven’t  seen  jason and  his  friends  since  the  store  but  they  weren’t  taking  any chances.

so  maybe  it  was  just  her. she  does a good job at burying  the  fact, or any  other  feeling  of  disappointment  by  focusing  at  the  task  at  hand. everyone seemed  so  prepared  and  ready  for  it.  tammy ?  she  felt  overwhelmed.  scared, even.  the gold  light  was  beautiful, but  everyone  was  either  looking  outside  of  the  window, or looking  at  eachother  like  it  was  the  last  time. last  time  she’d  see eddie,  and  she  just  made  amends. last time she’d feel  like a part  of  something bigger.  her  eyes  meet  with  steve’s  in  the  rearview  mirror.  oddly  enough,  she  has no regrets how it played out. in fact, tammy  would  do  it  all over again. 

so maybe  she  imagined  summer.  when  she  realized  she  was  speaking  in a  manner  as  if  they  already  lost  she  tries  to shove  it  out  of  her  mind. they stop   good.  everything’s  going  good.  tammy  carded  out  of  the  bus and she  thought  she  heard a ‘ wait ! ‘ and a door slamming.   before she  knew  it,  steve had wrapped  his  arm  around  her hastily.  there  was  a  pause too, he was looking at her face  in  search  of  something  and  when  her fingers bunched up the fabric at his shirt, that was enough for him to kiss her. like he found what  he  was  looking  for.  it  was impatient and  frantic  ― like  they  were  gonna  miss their  station ; or  like  they  might  not  be able  to  do  this  again.  her hand  moved through  his hair  to  keep  him  there,  allowing  the  kiss to elongate.  

 HOW’S MY PORTRAYAL?

a  bat  comes  spiraling  in  her  direction and she  braces  for a  hit  (  that  never  comes. )  instead,  eddie’s  back  was  pushed  into  her and  there  weren’t  enough  words  to  describe  the dismay  she  felt  once she  realized  what  had  happened. tammy  shot  him  a  look  that  read ‘  are  you  fucking  serious ?? ‘  as she swung her makeshift shield  into  another creature.  of  course  he’s  serious,  it’s eddie.

  “  stop  taking  my  points man, “ her voice  comes  out  playful enough  but it’s  coarse. somehow she couldn’t stomach the fact that  even  though  they  hadn’t  properly  spoken  about  things  yet  and  even  after  how  she  treated  him,  he was  still that  lanky kid with too  much  hair  that  was  looking  out  for  her.  like  she  deserved  it.  “ eddie ! watch  your  six ! “ she yelped, moving quickly to fend off another heading his way. 

season 4 had  a lot of  things in it dealing with bodily trauma  and it wasn’t until the last episode that I sat back and realized, this was really triggering. I’m physically disabled and what happened to max and seeing it Like That got too real for me I’ve spent most of the day in a horrible space. I don’t mean to be a downer ... but I would just like to share that topics such as spinal chord injuries , traumatic accidents, physical disability does bother me, because im directly affected.

       “  yeah  .. but  not.  “   like this. tammy sighs,   her arms  tighten  around  him as  she  stresses the word.  when  she  saw  that  surfer  boy pizza  van  roll  up  she  thought  maybe  she’d  been  seeing things.  but  as  minutes passed,  she  held onto  him  and  had  no  plans  of  letting  go .. because  that  seemed  too hard  right  now.  sunny  day,  friends; yet  tammy  felt  a  dead weight  sinking  into  the  pit  of  her stomach that had  no  interest  in  letting  up.  and  she  knows  what it  is,  she’s  not a  kid.  but  tam  felt  dry.  like  she  was  refusing  to  believe  it. or she  didn’t  know  how. sunny day. 

“ are  you  okay ? look at  me  please. “  her hands were  framing his face and turning every millisecond  to  look at a different part of him.   he  probably hated  this,  she  knows  it. it’s okay.

mun  vs  muse. 

why did the creel clock only show up on my dash for tammy ?? does that mean vecna’s coming after her next pls idek what her song is