fabricated world

They had never been apart and while they thought to be too different to get along at first, they became friends in the end. Not just friends, they realized they were a set, one not working without the other and they decided to swear an oath. That they would be together forever. That they would always follow each other, without falter. The moon overheard the promise and grew jealous - taking the shadow away from the sun and turning it into a light at the night sky; a star shining down on the Sun Child even in the darkest night.

Years later, Kageyama can’t recall how the story ends but he does remember that whenever he felt lonely, he thought of that story. And that was not seldom. Loneliness had followed Kageyama as if it had been the Shadow Child itself following the Sun Child. No matter how much he tried, no matter how often he reached out, it only resulted in him growing more frustrated. What was it that he did differently than others? What was it that made him so repulsive that others wouldn’t even bother listening to him? Why had no one grasped the hand he stretched out so desperately?

Nights and nights over, pillows full of tears, lower lip bitten so hard it never properly healed up, Kageyama wondered what he did wrong. Night after night, he decided to try harder the next day. Day after day, he was being rejected. Every day more than the one before.

Kageyama hates giving up; so he wonders at what point ‘we’ turned into ‘I’, when ‘our’ became ‘mine’, when ‘we can do it together’ came as ‘I will manage alone’ over his lips. He can’t remember anymore. Like the end of that story, he has forgotten. Until he meets Hinata.

The first time is at a tournament in middle school. The times in which Kageyama tried to bond with his teammates is long past by the time he faces Hinata in the corridors of the gym. Only “I will move on” is stuck in Kageyama’s mind when he speaks to Hinata but there is a certain reflex within him, something about Hinata’s way of speaking and presenting himself that reminds him of a story - one he heard as a young boy. About two friends, about a promise and a forever that never actually happened. Or did it? The ending never seems to come to his mind.

He feels like he almost has it together when the match against Hinata’s team is over but his mind is too full of this person he has never seen before in his entire life. Someone he would have liked to be in team with, would have liked to form and tweak but his thoughts are not entirely related to volleyball. Perhaps he would have liked to call them a teammate, perhaps even a friend. But how when he can’t even call his teammates the same? When he can’t even say they are a team in the first place? Though, and he can tell when the others walk far in front of him, he is the only one not fitting in. They are a team - but he is not part of it. It’s fine, he has told himself so for some time now, he can do it alone. He doesn’t need to click with them to make things work.

Kageyama’s heart doesn’t skip a beat at the prospect of having found a rival in Hinata rather than a friend; it doesn’t stop when he is told he will be defeated by a face full of tears and snot and it most definitely doesn’t start beating again when he turns his back on Hinata, hoping and praying to see him again. In a twisted way, he figures years later, he might have been so desperate for a bond that he reached out for an adversary rather than a friend. At that point, any bond was enough for him.

Enough to drive him on even when his teammates abandon him and leave him standing. He watches the game from the bench and frustration builds up in his chest, it feels like bursting, like cracking through his bones. It makes him want to scream, to yell but he has done that to no avail, too often to still keep count of it. How much louder does his voice have to be until someone hears? How much more does he have to give to be understood?

Fate has never been good to him. He might have messed up something in another life. He heard that on TV before albeit in a drama his mother had fallen asleep to by the time he came home from training. That fate is only good to you if you have been good in a previous life. That it will punish you for something another self might have done wrong. It’s unfair is what Kageyama decides along with the choice not to believe in something stupid like that.

He can’t explain how, out of all persons that could have possibly stepped into his new high school’s gym, it is Hinata to storm in. And suddenly he remembers that story again, and he remembers something like forever and something like fate. Something like his past self hoping to see him again, to reach out properly the next time, to fight with all he has and be worthy of being called a rival. And for a split second, it brings the feeling back of wanting to be in the same team as Hinata. Fate had never had a more defined shape than in that very moment to Kageyama.

It’s still a vivid memory in Kageyama’s mind years later. He steps into the bedroom, the lights are on and there is music playing as he closes the door. It is the violin part of a song he knows far too well, a song that plays in his mind even when it is nowhere to be heard, one that has always felt like home to him ever since he first heard it.

Hinata discovered it when he forcefully ripped one of Kageyama’s earbuds out during their second year on their way to Tokyo for another training camp. ‘Oh, Kageyama-kun,’ he said back then, ‘who would have thought you like classical music,’ stuffed the bud in his ear and shut up immediately, deflating next to Kageyama. Hinata leant against him and kept quiet for the rest of the way, listening closely while Kageyama’s embarrassment faded. It became a sort of ritual for them to listen to the same song over and over again, in a loop whenever they were on their way somewhere else. ‘It sounds like home,’ Hinata said shortly after they moved together, turning up the volume and flopping face front onto his bed. ‘It always has.’

The piano starts to accompany the violin when Kageyama slides the door to the small balcony open, Hinata’s back pressed onto the second part of the door. He is hunched up under a terrifyingly ugly quilt made by his mother who found her passion in stitching after Kageyama left the house, his phone next to him blaring the classical song called Forever in a volume that their neighbours are probably going to complain in the nearest future but Hinata doesn’t seem to care. His eyes are cast down on a book spread out right in front of him, not looking up as Kageyama steps outside and crouches next to him.

“What are you doing outside?” Hinata flinches when he hears Kageyama’s voice so close to him, nearly jumping out of the quilt. He is still as easy to scare as ever, Kageyama can barely suppress a grin.

“Since when have you been there!?” he asks out of breath and pulls the blanket closer around him. “Like… at least knock or something.”

Kageyama lifts his hand and knocks on Hinata’s forehead with a blank expression. “Well, yeah, hello, I am back home. So, what are you doing outside?”

Hinata’s eyebrows furrow and he huffs. “Jackass.”

“You said I should knock.”

“At the balcony door.”

“You said I should knock,” Kageyama repeats and leans forward slightly to be able to see what Hinata has been looking at. It looks like a picture book but he can barely recognize what it is about as the sun has already gone down and the only source of light is the dim bedroom light from inside. Why would Hinata sit outside to read when he could do it inside just as well, even better? What an idiot. “You wouldn’t have heard if I knocked anyway.”

“Ah.” Hinata looks over to his phone and stretches to grab it. “I forgot about this,” he murmurs as he turns the volume down for the music to quietly play in the background, blending in perfectly with the soft but cold breeze that sends shivers down Kageyama’s spine. He breathes in sharply, Hinata glancing at him with one eyebrow lifted.

“You cold?”

Hinata doesn’t wait for a reply but holds one end of the quilt into Kageyama’s face. He grabs it without a word and crawls next to Hinata, shuffling closer to him and closing the blanket over both of them again. At least it is big enough for that, it’s the only thing they use this ugly thing for. On the balcony and last winter even in the living room as their kotatsu broke and they had to warm up by huddling against each other.

“I can’t believe it’s already this cold, it’s just September,” Kageyama says and he feels Hinata sliding even closer to him, barely giving him space to move yet the warmth the other emits is making up for it. It feels comfortable like this, despite the little room they both have.

Hinata’s eyes return to the pages of the book again, turning a page. “What are you reading?” Kageyama asks after Hinata shows to be unresponsive to his earlier statement.

Over the time he has known Hinata, Kageyama noticed that he is rarely able to focus on more things than one to do. Except for when he eats. He can eat, read and speak all at the same time but aside from that, Hinata rarely does two things at a time.

“Mmmm.” The music stops playing for a second but it starts again. On loop, as always. “I found this book in one of the unpacked boxes in the closet. We’ve been living here for, like, 4 years or what but we still haven’t looked through those.”

“Huh.” Kageyama leans his head onto Hinata’s, soft hair tickling his cheek as he scans the page. The light is better from this position so he actually sees what picture book it is Hinata has found. It used to be one of his old ones, the story about the Sun Child and the Shadow Child. “I didn’t know I took this with me.”

“I know this story,” Hinata says and flips another page, apparently not interested in what is written on them. Kageyama still wonders why he would sit outside for that. The bed would have been more comfortable - hell, anywhere would have been. “Mum read it to me when I was younger.”

Kageyama’s eyes are fixed on the page, dark with white spots and two small silhouettes in the middle. It is the part where they promise to each other to be together forever at night. He hasn’t thought about this story in a long, long time. He isn’t lonely anymore nor is he yearning as he used to be. He feels the heat rising in his chest at the mere thought of it but keeps quiet as he feels Hinata shifting his position.

“The ending of it is really nice.” Another page flipped. The part where the Shadow Child is turned into a star. Hinata leans back, his cheek rubbing on Kageyama’s sleeve.

“How is that a good ending? The Sun Child ends up alone after the moon takes his friend away.”

“Ah, but that’s not how it ends. Or at least not in the version Mum always told me.” Hinata’s breath is calm, it goes in unison with the faint sounds of a violin and a piano in perfect harmony and the gust of wind rushing over them, closing the book with a thump. “In mine, the Sun Child walks the Earth for as long as it can, adventure after adventure, knowing that its friends look over it even when it can’t see them. In the end, the Sun Child, too, turns into a star right next to the Shadow Child’s star and they are all reunited.”

“Oh.” Kageyama doesn’t remember this sort of ending; but it can’t have possibly ended badly if he used to think of it as a soothing story. Perhaps he was too afraid of never having a good ending so he simply forgot it. It would be too embarrassing to admit, in hindsight. “It does sound nice.”

Hinata giggles and his whole body shakes with him, as always. “Right? It’s a really nice ending. In the end, they are together forever.”

“But stars don’t live forever either, do they?”

“Nah, Dad said the same. But he also told me that the constellation the two stars are supposed to be in still exists. And it’s a pretty big thing in mythology or something like this. Have you ever been to Kyoto, Kageyama?”

“We’ve been there on tournaments together, you idiot,” Kageyama breathes and looks up to the sky. The stars shine bright now that the sun has gone entirely and the sky is tinted black almost.

“Oh,” Hinata exclaims and buries his face in the fabric of Kageyama’s shirt. “I kinda forgot. We’ve been to so many places already... “

Kageyama exhales. It’s true. They have travelled a lot together, not just across the country. They have been to championships overseas, even; those journeys are ingrained in Kageyama’s memory if only for the reason that Hinata had been so excited to sit in a plane that he threw up twice right onto Kageyama. Not the most pleasant of all things to recall but at least it was followed by memories to make up for it. Food they have never tasted before, beds that were much harder than their own, landscapes that were so different from what they have ever seen before - and they experienced it together, all of it. They had never once been alone.

“Kyoto, huh. I actually only remember because I slept through the entire time when we weren’t on court. I haven’t seen any of the city.”

“Me neither,” Hinata buzzes. “Probably why I don’t remember having been there. That was harsh, we had match after match and training in our free time. I barely slept at all…” As if to illustrate, Hinata yawns and nuzzles his cheek onto Kageyama’s shoulder. It’s warm. Hinata always is. “Well, there is this Genbu Shrine in Kyoto, y’know? Dad said the constellation the stars are in shows Genbu.”

“Genbu? What’s that?” Kageyama clutches onto the corner of the duvet covering them and snuggles closer to Hinata after another gust of wind has made him shiver slightly.

“I don’t know,” Hinata mumbles and shrugs. “I know he told me but I kinda forgot, I guess. I only remember something about a turtle entwined with a snake or something like that.”

“Wasn’t that a chimera?”

“No, that’s the thing in Egypt. Lion body and human head. Seriously, Kageyama, you don’t even know the easiest things. Even my sister knows this.”

Kageyama is close to smack his elbow right into Hinata’s ribs when he hears Hinata snickering but in that very moment, he nestles closer to Kageyama, lifting his head and grinning. “Don’t be mad, Kageyama-kun. I will tell Natsu to teach you next time she is here.”

“Shut the fuck up, I bet you don’t even know how chimera is spelt,” Kageyama hisses, trying to hide the embarrassment that Hinata actually bested him at something like this.

“I bet neither do you, don’t try to act all cool!”

Kageyama keeps quiet, raising an eyebrow and squinting at Hinata from the corner of his eyes. Over the years, a lot of things between them has changed - but the part about them nagging each other never did. He doesn’t know whether to be relieved or annoyed. It’s probably both and none at the same time. He imagines how things would be if they would always agree, and he decides that he likes how they are right now.

And so does Hinata as Kageyama sees him smiling contentedly. Warm. He’s warm, his presence is warm and it has been ever since they met for the first time. A lot different from what Kageyama had experienced before. They haven’t always gotten along, even nowadays Hinata and him fight so hard that at times there are broken belongings and vile words spit into the other’s face and Kageyama has often feared that perhaps, it isn’t Hinata who is supposed to be his forever but loneliness again. Until now, that hasn’t proved to be true.

“Next year, right? Next year are the Olympics, Kageyama.” Hinata’s voice sounds distant all of a sudden, as if he was speaking from inside of their apartment. Partially because Kageyama is still deep in his thoughts, partially because he talks in a lower voice than before, almost whispering. The music is audible in the background again, the violin solo part playing again.

“I know.”

“I’m so excited. I want to play there.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Well, we will. We said we would.”

Hinata weighs heavily against his arm, Kageyama can feel it falling asleep and his fingers going somewhat numb from it. He should probably tell Hinata but he hates the cold. He prefers to keep quiet for now.

“We promised so. I don’t break promises. ...Okay, that was the first time I ever gave someone else a promise but whatever.”

“That’s cute, Kageyama-kun,” Hinata hums next to him and he feels like moving after all but then the other exhales deeply and looks up. Up to the sky where a billion tiny specks of light illuminate their dark, dark background. Kageyama has never seen such a clear sky in his entire life. “But I know you don’t break a promise when you give one. It’s kind of like with that promise the Sun Child and the Shadow Child gave to each other. It might only happen years later but it is still kept. Sort of, at least. I mean as forever as stars can be, probably.”

“Forever, huh. What’s that even mean? Like how long is forever?” Kageyama feels Hinata fidgeting but he calms quickly, returning to his prior position and pressing his cheek against Kageyama’s shoulder.

“A life time, maybe? As long as you live? But then people believe you can be reborn so maybe two life times. Or three. Or ten? Maybe every life time? I don’t really know. Isn’t that a bit too deep for you to think about, Kageyama?”

“Look who’s talking. Don’t give me that crap.”

Another snicker, piano adding to the sound of the violin in the background, making it sound full and complete and Kageyama wonders still. About forever. And always. Forever seems like a long time. Eternal, maybe. Spending eternity by someone else’s side, it doesn’t sound bad. Kageyama never wants to be alone again, not after he has been overly spoilt with Hinata’s company. He would like Hinata to be his forever, to ban the thought that loneliness might be from his mind. Forever.

He is startled when Hinata excitedly starts vibrating next to him, tugging at his sleeve. “Kageyama, look! Quick!”

He points at a shooting star and it is gone as fast as it came. Except there is another star falling just as fast, and another.

“Sugawara-san mailed me and told me today was going to be a meteor shower! I wanted to see it so badly, so I stayed outside the entire time even though the sun hadn’t even gone down yet! Come on, come on, quick! You gotta close your eyes and wish for something!” Hinata’s voice cracks in between from excitement and the last thing Kageyama sees before he closes his eyes is Hinata doing the same, lids pressed together tightly.

He can feel Hinata’s fingers burying into his sleeve as he starts wishing upon a shooting star. Or maybe two. Or three. Ridiculous. This is just some superstition. And still, it makes him feel at ease as he thinks about his wish.

He repeats it three times in his head and opens his eyes slowly. There are still stars falling, Hinata watching them intently. He has calmed down completely, fingers loosely holding onto Kageyama’s shirt anymore, seemingly too fascinated by the phenomenon right before his eyes.

It is sudden, like a burst, like an explosion almost, of a variety of emotions Kageyama has but cannot explain; it feels like a train has hit him with memories he is sure having never experienced. There has never been a pinky promise in his life, nor poppies to surround him, never a burnt hand nor a letter on a crumbling piece of paper with a feather attached to it, never a little sister of his own with a doll she has always carried with her. It is a second, maybe even less but he feels his insides clenching and his heart beating faster.

I want Hinata to be my forever. I want Hinata to be my forever. I want Hinata to be my forever.

His own wish keeps replaying over and over again in his head and when Hinata turns to him, looking at him with big eyes, he doesn’t know what he could possibly answer him.

“Kageyama, are you crying?”

He wants to say no but the words get stuck in his throat, lips shut tightly, tears burning on his cheeks. He prays for Hinata not to ask him why because he wouldn’t be able to explain why he started crying. There is no sadness in him, no frustration, no anger, none of the reasons he usually sheds tears for. All there is is the yearning to feel complete. Forever.

Kageyama lifts a hand to his face in an attempt to rub the tears away but Hinata is faster. He wipes over Kageyama’s face with the end of the quilt he squeezes in hands with quick motions and it hurts more than it helps. He mumbles ahead but Kageyama can’t understand what he is saying. His own voice still keeps replaying in his ears.

Forever isn’t a time. It isn’t measured in years or life times. Forever is a person to Kageyama, and that person is Hinata.

“Don’t cry, you big baby! Your face looks gross when you are snotty,” he exclaims suddenly and Kageyama is inclined to fire back at him but his voice cracks the second he opens his mouth, leaving him breathless. He presses his lips together, tighter than before and Hinata lets his hand sink slowly despite tears still falling, his eyes fixed on Kageyama.

“Hey, Kageyama.”

The shift in tones isn’t unusual for Hinata. Kageyama is used to Hinata switching from exuberant to serious, from nervous to focused, from awake to sleepy. Hinata is a double-edged sword; and Kageyama is sure Hinata is not remotely aware of it.

“What was your wish?”

Kageyama’s eyes lock on Hinata’s and the meteor shower seems long forgotten at this point. He has rarely seen anything more expressive about Hinata than his eyes yet right now they are filled with something Kageyama doesn’t recognize. Much like the feelings flowing through him like a current breaking past its dam.

“A wish won’t be fulfilled if you say it,” Kageyama says, voice still shaking.

“That’s just superstition.”

“So is wishing upon a shooting star.”

“Did you wish for forever?”

Hinata stretches out his pinky finger and pokes the tip of Kageyama’s nose with it.

“Do you want to promise? You said you don’t break promises, right?”

A pinky promise. There it is again, he feels like he has seen this before. On a night with a starry sky just as today. The feeling from before threatens to overwhelm him again but this time, he manages to gulp it down, no more tears adding to the ones slowly drying.

“I don’t.”

How much louder does his voice have to be until someone hears? How much more does he have to give to be understood? Kageyama remembers asking himself these questions before. He found his voice not even needing to sound with Hinata.

“Then let’s,” Hinata says and grabs Kageyama’s hand with the one he hasn’t stretched out to him, dropping the quilt. The wind has gone colder but Kageyama barely notices when he curls his pinky finger around Hinata’s. Warm. Of course. Despite the cold, Hinata’s hands are still warm.

He takes a deep breath before talking, pinky squeezing Kageyama’s.

“Back in high school, I always wanted us to be in different teams so we would have a chance at playing against each other. But the closer graduation was, the more anxious I became when I figured we might be scouted by different teams. I realized I really wanted to play alongside you rather than against you. Rather your teammate than your rival. ….Though rival sounds a lot cooler,” he giggles. It’s true; rival does sound a lot cooler but Kageyama prefers calling Hinata teammate any day.

“Ever since we met, we have always been together. And I only really figured this out when there was the chance of us not hanging out anymore. Maybe even living in different cities. Or countries, even. I didn’t want that. None of it. In order to get scouted by the same team as you, I worked even harder than before. I meant to catch up to you anyway but that was even more of a reason, you see.”

Kageyama knows that. He remembers it. Hinata has always tried to keep up with him and with the time, they weren’t much apart any longer. He can still taste the pride of that realization on his tongue. Especially when they were both approached and asked to play in the same team. Perhaps it was more than just pride, he sees now. It was him desperately clinging to the one person who fully understood him even when he didn’t. Even when others thought Hinata didn’t but he always knew how Kageyama processed even the smallest things. So he followed.

“So I’m glad this is how it is now. I know we fight a lot. I know we bicker a lot. Sometimes I really want to punch you,” and it is odd how much Kageyama shares this sentiment, his hand twitching so hard sometimes to smack Hinata a good one for one or two or ten dumb comments of his. “But that doesn’t change the fact that there is no place I’d rather be. If I were given the choice, I would always want to have a place by your side.”

Hinata averts his eyes and Kageyama can only guess he is blushing from the faint light from the bedroom. Along with Hinata’s breathing, quietly and softly, a song called Forever is still playing in the background but Kageyama doesn’t pay attention which part of it it is.

“My wish upon that shooting star was to be with you forever. The two of us. I used to hate being called a set with you but now…” Hinata looks back up again, and he wears a smile as warm as his hands always, always are, “...I really like the sound of that. So I promise I will be by your side, forever. ….That’s… so cheesy,” he breathes, his pinky fingers almost strangling Kageyama’s and hiding his face in his free hand. “I really really want that…”

Kageyama guesses there are no shooting stars anymore but it doesn’t matter any longer. A promise weighs more than a wish does and he feels like he remembers why the Sun Child’s story influenced him as much. He wanted this. A promise of forever. Ever since he was younger, he never felt complete. Like there was a piece missing. To that missing piece, he remembers, he wanted to promise forever. He almost lost hope for it but the piece found him.

“Yeah,” Kageyama replies, voice soft, “I want that too… So I’ll promise to stick with you too. For as long as forever is, I don’t really care. You’ll be my forever and I’ll be yours.”

“That’s even worse than what I said and you managed that in not even a quarter of my words. That’s amazing,” Hinata says, honest awe in his voice.

“Shut up, you dumbass. Yours were a thousand times more embarrassing than mine.” Kageyama isn’t flustered in the least, he doesn’t feel his cheeks growing hot nor his hands going sweaty. In any other occasion, he might have felt taken aback but this is Hinata. The same Hinata who teases him for not being a morning person and tripping over his words when he is nervous. That has most definitely never changed.

Hinata leans back, laughing and nestles against Kageyama’s arm again without ever letting go of Kageyama’s pinky finger. “No way, you were totally more cornier than me. I bet that was from one of those dramas you always watch secretly. Don’t think you are the only one recording things.”

“That’s just because my mum keeps pestering me about it, okay? She is watching it and just because I happened to see one episode, she thinks I am following it and asks me every week about it. Would be rude to tell her off.” Kageyama sniffs, tears still sticking to his face. He feels overwhelmed, his heart is so full of emotions that he can barely contain them - but it is infinitely a better feeling than what it used to be like.

“Oh, come on! Just admit it already, you do kind of enjoy that! You’re a sap at heart, Kageyama-kun.”

“...I might be,” he replies and glances over to Hinata whose laugh stops right when he meets Kageyama’s eyes, only to be replaced by a mild smile.

“Tobio, the sap. I like the sound of that.”

“If I’m a sap, what are you? A dumbass?”

“Rude, sap at least sounds cute! We could write a story about us, Tobio the sap and Shouyou the super cool hero!”

Kageyama clicks his tongue. “Honestly? It could just be Tobio and Shouyou.”

“Hmmm,” Hinata hums as he contemplates. He seems discontent at first but squeezes Kageyama’s pinky. “That sounds nice, actually. And since you’re so sappy, it will probably have an ending like ‘And they all lived happily ever after.’”

Hinata chuckles but Kageyama chooses not reply. Happily ever after - Kageyama would like that type of ending by Hinata’s side, in this life and maybe even in another. He listens to Hinata ramble for a little longer until he slowly falls asleep, pressed against Kageyama. Trying not to move too much, Kageyama throws the quilt over the two of them and snuggles closer to Hinata. He listens to Hinata breathing faintly, still in harmony with a violin and a piano, still emitting a warmth that fills Kageyama up, that makes him feel complete and like home more than anything else has ever done so.

The sixth time they meet, they are Tobio Kageyama and Shouyou Hinata, they are teammates after years still; have been in high school, are still after graduation. They live together and fight with each other, they sleep together but don’t cook together as it turns out a disaster. They laugh together and cry, rarely, they say but it happens even while watching a bad drama on TV. They travel together and see the world, never apart from each other.

“Well, it’s summer, I think people eat lots of fruity and fresh cake in summer. Maybe something with lemon, too?” Hinata leans back into his chair and meets Lev’s eyes who nods slowly. They first met in high school but those days are long past, almost 10 years have passed ever since - yet Lev, oddly enough, still looks the same as back then, not a day older. Only perhaps three or four centimetres taller, much to Hinata’s dismay.

“Good idea. Do you have any ideas for what exactly? I thought maybe some sort of lemon or lime tart. Or what about cupcakes? They are light and easy to make, I am sure people would like those!” His eyes lighten up as he talks and Hinata is struck by his enthusiasm. They always end up firing each other up with ideas, staying up until midnight in the small bakery they own but none of them minds. In fact, it is probably the reason why the bakery turned out to be their best idea to date. Lately, it has gained a popularity none of them expected but both welcome it.

“Yeah, that’s great! I think we could make the dough with lemon zest and the icing with lime juice, how does that sound? I would also probably… hm. Perhaps a fluffy and light frosting wouldn’t be bad. You know, the type we used for the strawberry cupcakes last month.”

“Yes, except we’d have to watch how many we make per day because a lot of those had gone bad before they were eaten.” Lev wrinkles his nose and taps the tip of the pen on the list, leaving black dots over the entire sheet of paper. His eyes are focused on the small letters he has written on there previously, obviously pondering. “Oh,” he exclaims suddenly and looks up to Hinata again, “what if we make some sort of special limited offer? Let’s say we make 20 each day and if the demand is high, we can always do more?”

“Sounds good. Oh yeah, Lev, do you have any ideas for coffee and stuff? You used to be barista, you have more experience there than me with that. We probably should offer some cool drinks to go along with the cakes,” he says and Lev exhales, grimacing and leaning back while stretching his arms and legs. He brushes Hinata’s legs who flinches but reciprocates the touch. He rubs his leg against Lev’s and grins.

Lev smirks and leans onto Hinata’s forehead, pressing lightly though met with pleasant resistance by Hinata. “I think we should maybe offer some iced tea. Remember how you used edible flowers in spring to decorate those butterfly cakes? We could freeze edible flowers in ice cubes so it will look prettier,” he says as he rubs the tip of his nose against Hinata’s.

Lev is a romantic, Hinata has found out somewhen after they agreed to run a bakery together. Fresh flowers, bought by Lev every morning before the shop open, cover every corner, every table, even the counter. The furniture is white, delicate chairs in curlicues with matching tables, walls in a faint but warm apricot. “I like the idea. We should order some more of those flowers, I think our customers will totally love it,” Hinata breathes and a giggle escapes his mouth involuntarily. He is used to this by now, smiling and chuckling the entire time he spends with Lev. How couldn’t he?

For a little more than a year, this bakery exists; this open scenery of Lev’s heart, showing his innermost feelings and personality. For a little more than a year, Hinata has felt like flying, on Lev’s wings no less, carrying the same emotions as him. He would be lying if he said that this bakery hasn’t been his dream.

Hinata doesn’t quite remember everything from that night they celebrated his graduation from culinary school together - they were drunk and tired, humming the tune of Dancing Queen because they have forgotten the lines - but he recalls being the one to bring up the idea first. ‘Y’know, I always wanted to be a cake baker since I was young, with a shop and all’ was what he said and a morning later, Lev and him had started planning, thinking about where and how.

Lev had been the one financing it all and Hinata is still grateful to him to date; he would have never been able to fulfill his dream without Lev’s help. To think that Lev gave up on his job as a barista in a rather luxurious establishment, secure and well-paid, simply to open up a small shop that might have never succeeded makes Hinata’s stomach twist and turn. Back then, he didn’t see, he didn’t know of Lev’s feelings yet. In retrospect, he must have been blind.

“Hey Lev,” Hinata whispers and Lev is surprised at the low tone of his voice, resounding of the walls covered in small pictures drawn by an artist called Keiji Akaashi. He is a regular in the small café, often coming around in the evening to draw but almost always leaving his works behind. Hinata originally collected them to give them back to Akaashi who always refused. Ever since, both Hinata and Lev decided to hang them on the walls in small frames and ignore Akaashi’s self-deprecating comments about his sketches.

“Is this a secret?” Lev replies, whispering like Hinata with confusion in his eyes. Hinata can’t quite believe how pleasant things are when he is with Lev. He loves being happy and no one until now has managed to make him happier than Lev did. Not for what he has done but simply for existing. For having been born and existing. “I love secrets.”

It’s not much of a secret, Hinata thinks as he chuckles, curling his fingers around Lev’s, tip of his nose growing hot though he is not sure whether it is his own body heat rising or Lev’s seeping over. “I love you.”