write that shit out

I tried. I pushed, pulled, prayed and pleased.

It’s no way you saw the kind of woman I am and what I bring to the table and thought I deserved what you gave.

It was safe here and I know you could feel that. Instead of running to comfort, you ran back to survival.

The abandonment is triggering me and taking me to a place that I don’t want to be in. EVER again.

hey, tomorrow is the 22nd.

I thought about you today but not on a sad tip. More of a “thank you” kind of thing.

the past two weeks, I’ve been missing you so much.

I wanna reach out so bad.

I just want to make sure you’re okay.

I want to tell you my good news about my shop.

I wanna tell you how you inspired me— we always talked about this. It’s here.

Deep down I’m praying that you’ll come to my grand opening.

Someday, I want to love again like how hard and long we loved each other.

1. Why do you feel you tend to choose men who have mommy issues? What characteristics do they have that attract you to them?

Men with mommy issues, usually have a problem with committing. After my second heartbreak, I admit to becoming emotionally unavailable. So on the back end of things, it became understood, okay I’m not really all into this, and I don’t want you to be either, but try a little. Flowers & dates here & there but not too much.

2. As you are seeking to prove yourself to men, what are 3 words that come to mind that you are searching for?

1.) ability to lead

2.) covenant—- trust

today I’m tired

today, tomorrow I just want to turn my phone off

thankful nevertheless, just feeling defeated

all I have a desire to do is love a man strong enough, sure enough and made for me, hustle, birth and raise our children

I don’t desire to starve anyone of my love because of their actions

I don’t desire to live in toxicity

I don’t desire not cooking for my love

I don’t desire not being taken care of mentally, emotionally, and physically

I don’t desire not having fresh flowers

i failed the test. i feel like when you arrived

But it’s like riding a bike right?

I don’t want to see anymore signs about this

connection….I want to heal in peace.

or maybe my pen is getting tired of me repeating the same words, in regards to the same emotions dealing with the same person, who won’t get this shit right to literally save his life.

Where ironically I’ve saved it a couple of times with my heart, words, and nurturing actions alone.

I want a new subject to write about

A new song to sing

A new reason to live

Mic

1:44 am

lately all I’ve been wanting to do is explain how

therapeutic writing is but i can't. I can only keep

writing so that you can understand that way

that it's my safe place. where i feel

like my words don't go unnoticed…..

in almost every season of my life, you’ve been

my muse.

you taught me how to grow, let go, love, what to

accept, how to fight, how to care, how to look at

perspectives, how to provide, how to be soft,

when to be hard, how to listen to my body,

how to keep going, how to speak to myself.

you know how some people just feel like home…

for me that’s you.

thank you for allowing me to be able to see you

in every light, in every stage.

one time we were praying and you said “thank

you God for keeping Mica sane.” & I never told

you this but your safety is what keeps me sane.

it’s why I tell you be safe or stay safe all the time.

because no matter, life is a journey and your

safety means so much to me because were

the first male to make me feel safe, seen & heard.

i love you.

here, now, then, forever.

if you’ve ever the movie “The Time Traveler’s

Wife” you’ll see how the wife grew accustomed to

her husband time traveling….

how he would visit from different times of their

lives & she would always be prepared for him.

that’s how i feel…that’s how this has been.

I feel like we’ve been apart longer than we should

have been. longer than we’re supposed to.

further than we were supposed to be in distance

1 year ago today you & I were playing around and laughing like kids & today……nothing.