Well, after a very long break from just about anything creative at all, really, I've been wanting to return to art. Something psychological holds me back from drawing and painting, still, though. Lately I get frustrated and angry too easily in my life, and that extends to art.
In the few attempts I've made to get something on paper, I find myself worrying too much about whether what I am creating is objectively good, whether it would impress other people. Realistically, what I want out of art is the enjoyment simply of making something, and of the process of learning itself.
There have been times in my life where I loved learning, where I loved the act of practicing something new without worrying whether I was good at it. If I thought it was cool, that's all that mattered. Lately, though, I am so quick to frustration, to imaging an audience where there is none. In daily life, dissatisfaction is around every corner.
With all that said, I actually didn't mean to make this post so depressing. What I really set out to communicate is simply that, while returning to drawing after all these years still intimidates me much more than I would like, I have been enjoying processing old photos.
It's like painting-lite in a way. I still get the enjoyment of having a chance to play with light and color, without the frightening struggle of having to draw a three-dimensional scene first.
I do still want to return to drawing and painting, but I guess I still need to be patient with myself and work on my mindset. At the same time, I don't necessarily want to be too patient either; I've already spent years procrastinating.
(This sunset is actually the first true raw file I've ever edited. It was really fun to figure out, and I definitely understand why photographers prefer it to jpeg. Unfortunately the only camera I use right now is a cell phone. I love how it turned out though.)
