#~headcanons

She gives you so much special treatment for NO reason

For loved ones, it's very complicated. He loved Vogelbaum and tried to earn his love in return, but never got it. He loved Madelyn, then found out she was using their relationship to control him and killed her. He loved Maeve, but she eventually saw him for what he was and left him. He loved Klara, but she loved what he represented more than she loved him. He mourns the loss of these relationships some, but he's more so bitter about the betrayal and the lack of reciprocation. There's the voice in the back of his mind that tells him it's something to do with him, but he's doing his best to ignore that and tell himself that they just weren't good enough for him.

He wants to be remembered as the strongest man in the world mainly, but he'd also like to be remembered fondly by the populous. It's possible that may happen when he dies, due to Vought spinning things and trying to cover up the truth, but I could also see the Boys making sure the world knows the full truth.

He's well aware of his cruelty. His brutality and manipulation. Not only is it justified in his mind because of what he's been through, what he was forced to sacrifice to get to where he is, the feeling of everyone being against him that is constantly in the back of his mind, but he wants to be above human morality. He wants to not have that pang of guilt later when he remembers the fear he caused. He wants to be perfect, above it all.

He, of course, thinks he has the best intuition and is always right, despite frequently being proven wrong. Instead of fearing it's paranoia, he mistakes his paranoia for intuition.

John has a very good memory. Anything he sees or hears, it's like a steel trap, and he's not one to forget a grudge. He does, however, sometimes get overconfident and forget to do some common sense things. Like, say, checking for anyone holding a cellphone before he murders a super terrorist.

peony: A family. In his mind, it would need to be the standard nuclear family. A wife, a couple kids, a dog, the picket fence, the whole deal. He handily ignores that sometimes he doesn't want it to be a wife, because that wouldn't be perfect and he needs to be perfect.