Zutara Month Day 15: Meeting the Parents
The woman who sat straight-backed by the fire had eyes to match its flames. The eyes were the only things that moved in that rigid frame. They reminded Katara of a polar hare, as if the slightest movement might cause her to run.
Just like she did before, Katara thought.
She watched as Zuko sat down next to her. The small woman startled a bit at his arrival, until she turned to see who it was, relaxing as her son embraced her in a warm hug.
At this distance, Katara could not hear what they were saying, but she could see the expression of warmth, relief, and happiness on Zuko's face. It was rare that he looked so open, but it happened more and more these days, when he was among friends. Or family, she thought, reminding herself that this woman was his family, the reason for his current happiness. Still, she watched them closely from across the bonfire, looking for any sign of the pain she knew Zuko carried in the glow of his eyes from the firelight.
They laughed together, mother and son, and finally Zuko lay his head on Ursa's shoulder, his eyes closed. The woman was dwarfed by her son, making the sight almost comical, and yet it was sweet, and long overdue.
"You've watched him very closer since he's arrived with her," Gran-Gran observed. There was a question in the way she said it, one which Katara chose to ignore in the moment.
"You don't know how many times I've held him while he cried," Katara said, "told me that he didn't know if either of his parents had ever wanted him. I can't imagine that. The not knowing. I don't know if it's better this way, or worse."
Gran-Gran took her gloved hand in her own. "Even a boy who is almost a man needs his mother's arms," she said, her eyes meeting Katara's. "But he will return to yours when the time is right."
Katara felt her face color. "That isn't what I meant," she said, loudly enough to draw attention from a few people sitting around the fire near them.
"His father hurt him so deeply," she continued, quieter. "But she hurt him, too. She didn't mean to, but she did."
Gran-Gran nodded sagely. "Memory is a terrible burden," she said, and Katara couldn't help be reminded of how she had thought the same of Zuko, once. He had hurt her, once, and she hadn't known whether that meant he would do it again. She had made the choice to trust him, then, but it had been a long, hard road. For both of them.
And then, after the war, the first time he had returned to the Southern Water Tribe, she had watched as he'd stripped himself of his outer firelord's regalia, fallen to his knees in the snow before her Gran-Gran, the tears marking freezing tracks on his cheeks as he'd recited some old rite of expressing remorse and asking for council from an elder. She'd had no idea where he'd learned it. Some book, perhaps.
All Gran-Gran had said in response was "You will have to stand up to take my hand, boy. These old knees do not bend as easily as yours."
Now, Gran-Gran spoke quietly to her. "I have not told you all of the story of my own past, and for that I apologize."
"Oh, you don't - " Katara began, but Gran-Gran silenced her with a hand.
"These memories I have carried for so long," she said. "My mother's face on the day before I chose to leave my village. I had not told her, you see. The last words we spoke were about preparing seal-jerky. I did not learn until years later that my father had been killed in the fighting, and she followed him not a year later. A chill, they said, but I knew that it was grief that had settled in her bones. A grief that I had caused."
"But," Katara started to protest, "you left because they were forcing you to get married!"
"Yes," Gran-Gran nodded, "And I betrayed them, my family. At the time it was the only choice, the price I was willing to pay for my freedom."
"But that didn't mean it wasn't hard," Katara said, sadly.
Gran-Gran nodded again. "Every choice we make has the power to hurt, and to heal. And sometimes the choice is made for us. Sometimes we can only follow the path shown to us. This world is not easy for a young woman." Gran-Gran took both Katara's hands, and smiled. "This I know you know, my proud, strong granddaughter."
Katara's fingers went to the necklace at her throat, thumb rubbing against the smooth stone. She looked back at Zuko, holding out a hand to Ursa, helping her stand. The woman wobbled on her feet a bit, not used to the feel of boots in heavy snow.
"I will always regret that my mother never met the man who gave me my son, nor her own grandchild. But I made my choice, and I know you will make yours when the time comes. As will he," Gran-Gran said, nodding toward where Zuko and Ursa stood.
Katara felt the heat return to her face again at the thought that she had really been this transparent, and she looked away from the sight of Zuko and his mother.
Gran-Gran still looked behind her in their direction, though, and not a few minutes later, Katara heard the call from across the snow-covered ground as they approached.
"Katara!" He called. "Grandmother Kanna. I want you to meet my mother..."