#zone runner 2

I have to start today’s entry with an apology. See, I don’t know if this game is supposed to be blisteringly hard, but I sucked at it. I mean, I really sucked at it. So, with an unhealthy amount of shame and sorrow, I bring you a review for two games that I couldn’t even get past the first zone of. I’m the worst, I know.

Here’s Zone Runner, a cute little collect-em-up platformer from 2002, which I can’t goddamn believe was over fifteen years ago. If this game were a person, they could carry a handgun in Vermont by now. #scathingpoliticalcomment

Zone Runner is basic as heck, and that’s what I like about it. It doesn’t try to break the mould of platforming games, it just does it particularly well. Jump around, avoid the obstacles and the enemies, collect all of the gold coins and do it all again in the next level. It’s also worth noting that the soundtrack is excellent, which seems to be a running theme through these little reviews. I like soundtracks, okay?

Moshboy was also kind enough to include Zone Runner 2 in this bundle, which is about the same as the first with some graphical improvements and an all-round tighter experience. I really enjoyed both of them, despite totally sucking ass at them, and I’ve already reached the point where I’m struggling to come up with more things to say about them from my limited experience.

I’m not against hard games. I loved Cuphead and Hotline Miami, despite not being terribly good at either of them, and I don’t want anyone to think that “this game is hard and I’m terrible at it” to read as “this game is bad.” This game rocks, and I’m the problem here.