#ziwangye

        “  no,  that’s too far removed from my realm of knowledge;  airs as i may put on,  my scope is actually quite  narrow.  i might know how to speak the language,  but the culture is another beast i’ve yet to tackle...  so i can rely on you to cover for yourself as well as  my  behalf,  right?  ”

❛               SO     YOU               [     ...     ]               WHAT     ?               meditate     to     level     up     ?               ❜

jiang cheng sweeps into the clearing like a storm, & haku’s lips part to taste electricity in the air. the clan leader is irritable today. anyone else would cower, scampering off on the flimsiest excuse. haku sinks in their perch, kicking their feet. may as well get comfortable.

❛  No, they would not,   ❜  haku says easily, lifting a brow. their voice is smooth water whispering with current.   ❛  You requested a killer, not a canary.  Would you have made me a courtesan to sing at your feet? You do not strike me as the type.   ❜  haku’s eyes twinkle, voice lilting with song.    ❛  Does it bother you, knowing nothing about me?   ❜  I know much about you, haku thinks.

when haku smiles, tricky & untouched, it is like the moon was stolen from the sky.  killer’s fingers artfully peel slices free to pop into their mouth as they shift back on their perch & hum noncommittally, watching jiang cheng, their gaze amused & curious.

 jiang cheng is a cactus amid peach trees, needling and harsh, haku thinks. the clan leader is powerful & opinionated, & clearly dedicated to his people, but there is a distance to him. like he does not know how to hold something without crushing it. 

        “  what a sour little thing you are:  unhappy and whining with the need to let everyone else know,  right?  ”

━━  ❀ “A-Cheng,” The smile on her face doesn’t tremble - she wears OLD GRIEFS with the grace she carries in everything else, and incense curls into the air, clinging to her clothes. She isn’t weighed down by the gazes of their parents from the beyond and her hands fall lightly on his shoulders. He’s taller now - older, weathered, and Yanli can no longer protect her little brother by pushing him behind her. “ - Father and Mother would be SO PROUD of you.” 

              AUTUMNTIDE BLOOM IN THE AIR  .              such is this joyous season of celebration  .     the bustling of   common folk   living day to day  ,    merchants loudly peddling their wares to   whomever   may cross their path    ——    existing with a   liveliness   that he has found himself missing with   far more intensity   as of late  .    what could have been  ,    no longer  .    and yet  :    to him   /    for him  ,    the taste of nostalgia has   long since been tainted   beyond reconciliation  ,    bittersweet memories   that continue to dog     (     ha  !     )     his heels with   every step forward  .

it is the   height of irony   then  ,    that he would be sharing this table with the   pinnacle source   of this sentiment    ——    but so he will   continue to  ,    until their time   exhausts itself of patience   and leaves them with only the   what ifs  .    the smudge of a smile sits upon his lips as he stretches  ,    luxuriating   in the motion with as much   obnoxious ease   as he is able to muster  .              ❛     would it kill you to   smile   once in a while  ?    if you frown any harder you’ll be stuck with   permanent   wrinkles  !    and then   who will all the lovely ladies of the world pine after  ?     ❜

@ziwangye​ snarked: ‘ a mouth sounds idiotic when it blathers on about joy ’

@ziwangye​ sighed:   ‘ i wanted to give you something more. ’

they’ve heard this sentiment from jiang cheng time and time again: I want to take care of you. I want to provide for you. I want to give you everything.

everything except what they actually wanted: him, wholly and utterly him.

❛    ...I know.    ❜

the first few times haku and jiang cheng had this argument, haku had been confused. the next, upset. then angry. then resigned. now they just sound tired.

so much arguing. so much fighting. and for what? a break-up that feels less like heartbreak and more like burying something long-dead.

haku purses their lips, unable to say something kind, but unwilling to be angry or cruel; they no longer have the energy for reactions. they take the last box of their stuff from jiang cheng, careful not to touch him, and carries the last of their life together past jiang cheng, down the stairwell, and into their car. 

the trunk clicks shut under their palms like a nail in a coffin. a sudden wave of sadness and nausea washes over them. haku closes their eyes and leans against the car, resting their hot forehead against the cool glass of the back window. they can feel jiang cheng standing a few feet away. his eyes are a burning heat on the back of their neck.  they don’t need to turn to know how he looks: intense brows drawn tight over smoldering eyes, spine ramrod straight and intense even in silence, in that fierce, confrontational, proud way that once made haku’s heart race. 

now it just makes haku feel stupid. how could they have thought they could soften him? jiang cheng is a fighter. what did haku expect other than to get their heart bruised?

haku exhales, then shifts until they’re facing him, their back still against their car. they need something to lean on. it can’t be jiang cheng any more.

he looks so sharp, standing on the curve. his brow creased with sadness, with frustration, with anger, with things too complicated for either of them to voice. despite it all, they still want to hold his hand, one last time.

haku reaches for jiang cheng’s hand. after a moment he unfurls it, wary like he expects to be burned. haku doesn’t blame him; they’ve lashed out their fair share over the last several months. their relationship was a mutual breakdown.

haku takes his hand with a soft squeeze, rubbing their thumbs across the top it before they turn it over.

❛    I never wanted more. I only wanted you to see me when you looked at me.    ❜   slender fingers fight the urge to tremble as they slip the apartment key into jiang cheng’s palm. haku curls his fingers over it; they can’t bear to look at the last vestige of their life together disappear so easily.

❛    This is all I have left to give you. ...Take care of yourself.    ❜

they can feel his eyes on them as they drive away.