#zero talking 2012

How come when I do something ridiculous, I almost always have an audience…

But when I do something awesome, there are never any witnesses to my awesomeness… Even in a crowded gym.

Kick flipping that yoga ball onto the rack just now was awesome.

Audience = 0.

Literally.

I believe there has to be some kind of universal law dictating that the size of your viewing audience is inversely proportional to the degree to which your action was awesome.

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Zero Talking comics

Originally published on: Sep 28, 2012 @ 09:46

Dear Facebook Ads,

Thank you for pointing out my singleness and suggesting that I:

“Meet local women that love to disc golf.”

I’m not saying that wouldn’t be awesome, but seriously — I’ve got much sexier “likes” than THAT.

For example…

Crap.

OK FINE.

You win this round.

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Themes:

Dear (somebody)

Zero Talking comics

Originally published on: Feb 7, 2012 @ 12:20

I like to add an exclamation point to the end of all my google searches — like I’m really SUPER EXCITED about it!

I sense that the search engine understands how important the search results will be and takes my search more seriously.

See the comments on Facebook.

Themes:

Weird thoughts and genius ideas

Zero Talking comics

Originally published on: Oct 13, 2012 @ 18:55

So a girl writes to me on match and all she says is “meow”. So that’s good, right?

I penned a very eloquent response, “meow, meow, meow.”

I think we’re really going places.

See the comments on Facebook.

Themes:

Online dating

Zero Talking comics

Originally published on: Aug 10, 2012 @ 12:54

I probably could have guessed that I could eat a whole box of ice cream sandwiches… But I had to be sure.

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Themes:

Weird thoughts and genius ideas

Zero Talking comics

Related:

Hungry? Not anymore.

Well that’s different

Inner dialogue

To eat or not to eat the ice-cream.

Originally published on: Jul 4, 2012 @ 19:03

What I always see immediately after I read the warning label at the checkout that tells me not to look at the laser…

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Zero Talking comics

Originally published on: Nov 21, 2012 @ 09:00

All day I’ve been like…

“Hey, why aren’t people paying attention to me!?”

Then I realized, THIS is the one day of the year that you can wear your underwear on the outside and no one cares.

#Halloween

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Zero Talking comics

Related:

Mild, medium, or hot?

Like a moment from the movies, I step out of my car just as a pretty girl with short shorts and a tank top is about to walk by.

Momentarily disoriented, I proceed to miss putting my phone in my pocket and instead drop it straight to the pavement with a thud.

The girl notices — and without missing a beat kind of laughs and says, “I hate when that happens”.

And then we *kissed.

*Okay, we only kissed in my imagination, but still. Instead, she kept walking while I picked up my phone and checked for damage (none — saved by the case).

In any case, whoever wrote this script sucks! ;)

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Themes:

Encounters

Zero Talking comics