venting
So I found out today that the reason that Teej left all of the rooms on Skype and is mad at Darnel was because they vented about Zeph somewhere Darnel could see, and so Darn - naturally, since heâs full of good decisions - shared what Teej said w/them and they got mad at Teej together. Teej got wind of this, got mad at Darn (and probably rightfully hurt) for sharing what was confided privately, then as far as I know left Skype and wonât come back until Darn apologizes, and apparently Darn wonât because he âdoesnât respect Teejâ or something.
And for the first time in my life, I actually feel bad for Teej, as I sympathize with him because I still canât trust Darn ever since he did the same thing to me and funnily enough, it was actually related to Teej.
See, what happened was Teej was RPing Bookworm and... IDR I think it was his Pirate Dash or something, I forget, in #Oat and I... Donât really like Teej, I donât like his characters, I donât like how he plays, I donât like his style. Something about that day royally irked me the fuck off, but instead of saying something in there, I went to the Beanbag Room, a room made up of Woon and her friends. There, I complained for a bit to get it off my chest so I wouldnât simmer all day being mad. Unbeknownst to me, Darn read that and shared my bitchings w/Teej who got down because he now knew that some people didnât really like him, or his characters, and I wasnât really holding back because I thought heâd never read this; after all, I specifically put that in another so he wouldnât. Darn gets upset w/me because I got Teej upset and because I said mean things about him, so suddenly my expressing of my feelings in what I thought was a safe spot suddenly made me a bad guy. Long story short, I apoligized to Teej after reiterating why I said that somewhere else to begin with: It was because I didnât want to hurt his feelings, that while I donât like him, I donât want to make him sad and I didnât want to come off as this âFun Policeâ, trampling in on his good time. I also got cross with Darn when I found out and later had to apologize for what I said when I did get cross; Darn, to this day, still hasnât returned it.
The reasons why Iâm still more-or-less harboring a grudge over it, isnât just because of his not apologizing though that does sting quite a lot. Itâs a few things: I tried to express my feelings in what I thought was a safe space to do so, and among friends, and he took that safety away from me when I found out that he shared what was supposed to be uttered once in private, then never again; In doing so he took away my trust of him, making me feel like I canât share anything around him, which is why I rarely talk in the Beanbag Room anymore, simply because heâs there; I was made a villain, not because I had negative views, but because I expressed them; During this, Woon actually briefly removed me from the room and was cold towards my feelings because I was understandably outraged and hurt at what Darn did, leaving me feeling betrayed - to this day, Iâm still finding it tough to talk to them, which sucks because I still love them, but that feeling of betrayal cut me deep; And then, after all is said and done, I have to apologize to everyone, and while the one whose crime was expressing his feelings on something had to make amends, the ones who broke my trust and broke my heart did nothing in return.
Some time after that, Darn overheard me express an interest in âCrypt of the Necrodancerâ and gifted me a copy on Steam. I accepted it but the coupon... Thing, is still sitting in my Steam inventory, unredeemed, because I projected onto it the feeling that, if I fully accept this, and redeem it, and install this onto my machine, I feel like thatâs me forgiving him for breaking my trust and breaking my heart like he did. I mean I know itâs not, it just struck me how even that close to the whole... âEventâ he was still acting like nothing happened, like he didnât do anything wrong. And if he canât see what he did to me for doing that, I donât think I can ever forgive him.
And even though I still donât like Teej, I havenât expressed much relief at him being gone, and at the least I sympathize with him, because it fucking sucks for someone you thought you could trust to break it like that seemingly at the drop of a hat.
