#zephspeaks

- F: Zephyr (ae/he/they) + Xero (ze/he)

Zeph Colombatto Discover the insightful works of Zeph Colombatto, a master in his craft, and let his creations take you on a captivating journey.

me at 20yo: OMG SANTA :D !!!

Content to come.

I'm out at my friend's party. A mutual acquaintance of ours shows up, talks a bit but ultimately gets involved in a game of beer pong. Long after we've both left the party, he sends me a text message later that night. Guy: "Question for you" Me: "Yes?" Guy: "Are you single? Or are you spoken for?" ((I'm sorting things out with my life/past relationships/and there's something going on between me and my last boyfriend--things that are ultimately none of his business)) Me: "Just consider me unavailable. I'm at a place that's somewhere in between so until I figure it out, I'm not available." ((An answer that says I ain't interested in nobody right now, just leave me alone and let me figure out my business)) Him: "What does that somewhere in between mean?" ((It ain't none-o'-your-damn-business is what it means)) Me: "It means it's not really your business so I'm not talking to you about it. I'm unavailable." Him: "Lol ok. Not trying to intrude on personal business but im asking for a friend" ((😒)) I just feel like a my "no," a black woman's "no," should be enough. I feel like if a woman says to a man (especially one who's inquiring about their relationship status) "I'm unavailable," it should mean they've decided "no" is their fucking answer. Men don't need a back story to back off--they just need to back off and carry the fuck on. He made the attempt to gather information that would lead him to an answer (not mine), instead of simply asking about my interest: requesting to know if I'm in a relationship as opposed to inquiring about whether I was looking to date. There's a really important difference in those questions: "Are you single or nah" is a question that asks for information to figure out whether or not their (male) attention is viable--it's a way to find it if there's any other man in the picture that would make their pleas for attention/time/intimacy that much less desirable. The question doesn't request to know whether or not I want the attention. It's an assumption that their attention is warranted as long as I don't have a significant other. However, the question "do you want to date anyone," would inquire very directly if I even wanted their (male) attention. That's a big difference.