There's a minor D&D god by the name of Zarus, whom hasn't been seen since 3.5e, and he's got to be one of the hands-down funniest bits of D&D lore I've ever come across.
Zarus is one of, if not the only deity in all of D&D that claims the role of patron god of all humans, similar to how Moradin does for the Dwarves. He was introduced in the 2004 splatbook Races of Destiny, which focuses on humans and half-human species, urban settings, and gods connected to them, and his lore is so bad that it loops right back around and makes him actually pretty funny.
He's like the product of putting every single HFY writer in a blender and mixing them up, his story is that of the world itself creating him (because the gods are unworthy) to be the perfect being, hotter than the elves, tougher than the dwarves, and then creating him a wife who is also just better than everyone, and the other species and their gods get so jealous of his hotness that they poison him on his wedding day. He's smarter than all of those other idiots and knows it's poison, but he's just so darn honourable and good that he drank it anyway. And then the world got so darn sad that it elevated him to a god and he and his wife immaculately conceived the entire human species.
And then you scroll down a bit further and:
Yeah actually he's just the god of Being Racist. His lore is almost certainly propaganda that was made up to justify being racist (Certainly no other sources give humans this origin). He's not appeared since this one specific book, so is he even a real entity? Who the fuck knows.
Zarus' disappearance is likely a combination of a few factors. For one, 3.5 had a lot of published material that was only found within whatever book it released in. There's just no way it was all going to survive into 4e and 5e. He's also not particularly popular with D&D Human Enjoyers because, frankly, he's a fucking terrible guy whose primary tenet is bigotry, the only people who are going to want to use him as their PC's god are people who you don't want to play D&D with. Human Enjoyers aren't exactly down for being told "Yeah the only God Of Humans in the game is the God of Racism". And ultimately, Human is essentially treated as "Default" by the game, so gods without specific racial allegiances become the "human gods." If humans had their own specific pantheon, then Zarus could fit right in as the token evil one, but they usually don't, so there's not really any room for him.
Basically the only attention he's ever gotten is the "Pelor, the Burning Hate" meme, which uses some sloppy writing leading to Pelor-sponsored characters using Evil spells and abilities in published material, which shouldn't be possible unless their god is themselves evil to posit that Pelor is secretly evil. As Zarus' symbol, a human face in a sunburst, resembles Pelor's, but without the beard, a connection has been drawn between the two, suggesting that Zarus and Pelor are one and the same.
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Oh yeah also I have a DnD blog I occasionally use @soldtheirlivestoadream
Anyway time for some Zarus (my drow druid) questions
4. If they could learn one spell that isn’t available to them at present, which spell would it be?
Plane Shift would be the big one, tho it's also a much higher level than Zarus can currently cast. They'd just find it so convenient tho
8. What are three songs that suit them?
I'm still building his playlist but:
Wine Red - The Hush Sound, Made it Out Alive - Seb Adams, One Foot - WALK THE MOON
15. Do they trust their party? why or why not?
I mean in game they've been travelling together for less than a day now... so yes, absolutely :3 (it's possible that Zarus trusts far too easily - the polar opposite of Lark lol)
31. They’re given a blank piece of paper–what do they do with it?
They'd most likely sketch flowers and flora on it - or lacking a quill, fold it into some simple origami.
38. What do they smell like?
Zarus smells unmistakably of potpourri :3c (the specific petals, spices, or other dried plant materials vary, but it's a little overpowering if you're right up in their space. Which is often the case, because Zarus has no apparent sense of personal space)
41. What are they attracted to in other people?
This one could change in the future, but honestly I think what attracts them most often is receiving someone's undivided attention. They like feeling special and being praised - but it's not a good foundation for a healthy, balanced relationship.
50. Can they sing? can they dance?
Perhaps once upon a time they had a pleasant singing voice - I think they've lost their grip on tune and hitting the right notes, now. They are still a very good dancer, however.
69. How would they describe their party members?
At this point:
Grimshaw - Straight-forward, bold, protective, kind.
Caesin - Clever, stubborn, an abettor.
Maco - Young, naive, easygoing, plucky.
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Also I had no memory of this but apparently I already answered half of these for Zarus?? So I’m gonna answer all the even ones while my energy lasts lol. Also putting this under a readmore for obvious reasons :p (it's long)
2. before they met their party, what was their main goal?
To assist Cabal (tiefling necromancer FWB) in their studies, which mostly involved being a. researched themself or b. fetching things for them. He’s also been trying to find a way back to the Feywild, but is in no rush for that since elves live so long and time passes differently in the Feywild. There was a time decades ago where they wanted to find the person who first killed them, but over several deaths those memories have faded, and so has their thirst for revenge.
4. if they could learn one spell that isn’t available to them at present, which spell would it be?
Plane Shift is still a good option here, but honestly it would be Sending now. They’re gonna lose their access to their spell when they give up the jest and they’ll be sad they can’t message people at all hours anymore :p
6. which party member do they relate to the most?
This is a hard one cause there’s only two options lol and I find all three PCs to be fairly different! They vibe well with Grim, and there’s a shared love for the simpler things in life. But then energy wise they’re probably closer to Caesin, more energized and excitable about their respective areas of study. They’re all pretty blasé about their own deaths lol
8. what are three songs that suit them?
Wine Red – The Hush Sound ; Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea – Fall Out Boy ; Dressed in Violets – hometown & young
10. how often do they lie? what situations cause them to be dishonest?
Gonna preface this by saying the way Zarus lies is usually in a very casual way, almost habitual. They’ll do the mean girl, passive aggressive thing of being like “Oh I love your outfit, and you’re so great! Come sit with us, I’d just love to know more about you~” and “Oh yeah that guy we killed? We were great friends! <3” And in that way they’ll lie very often, like several times a day depending on the situation. But then he’ll be 100% upfront about things he maybe should hide, like having died before and about people they’ve killed
11. what skills are they proficient in? why?
Okay so I answered this before but the reasons Why are less spoilery now. History from their studies growing up, survival from their time travelling around the material plane. Persuasion and deception from their time in the Feywild as a member of the Seelie Court, because I imagine both those skills are very much required for such a position. Arcana is something they’re technically proficient in, but a lot of that knowledge has been lost to forgotten memories, so it’s more bits and pieces now. What they do know of arcana now is probably more tied to the what they’ve learned while helping Cabal. And finally perception, which is just something he’s picked up over years of travelling.
12. have they ever been in love?
Ooooh. Not in love per se, at least not that they remember. He’s definitely had relationships before and there are people he’s loved, and people he currently loves, but there’s no one in his memories who particularly stands out.
14. what is something they love about themself?
Oh so very much lol. Their love and joy for life, their dedication to their friends/loved ones, their fashion, their hair, magical prowess, ability to talk themselves out of (and into) things… They’re not very self-reflective and would be hard-pressed to recognize their own faults
16. what are their feelings on the people who raised them?
Zarus’ memories of their childhood are Vague. Like, very vague. If you asked them, they’d say they probably had a good childhood, so they probably had good parents?
17. what do they dream about, when their dreams are their own?
I’m not sure Zarus does dream, between being drow and being reborn. They don’t really… sleep. Which is probably a good thing, because I think if they did it would mostly be nightmares, traumatic recollections of the times they’ve died.
18. do they see themself as a leader or a follower?
Hmm this is a tough one. I think he’s the type to see himself as a leader, but a leader among the people. He’s a Prince of the Summer Court but doesn’t see himself as being above anyone else (well, not until they act like a dick, in which case they’re a dick and fuck ‘em). He’s just as happy to follow as he is to lead, if someone else has ideas for leading (especially if that person is someone he cares for and wants to support).
20. which of the five senses do they rely the most on?
Sight and hearing. Their sense of smell and taste are probably a bit changed from their time in the Feywild, and their sense of touch is shitty from multiple deaths and scars (burn scars and transplanted arm). That being said their sight isn’t great either, between dying and sunlight sensitivity, but as long as it isn’t too sunny out they’re still proficient.
22. what is a promise they’ve broken?
Probably little fleeting promises that they make without thinking about it or committing to it – “I’ll be more careful” “No of course I don’t dislike you!” “Oh yes, I’m fine! Great even~”
24. which of the four elements speaks to them the most?
(rip that plants isn’t one of them) Mmmm I suppose water? Fluid and adaptable, but can quickly turn to sharpened icicles
26. who do they miss?
If you asked them – no one, really! I mean, whoever they’re away from at that current moment, be it Cabal, Laura, or otherwise. But on a grander scale there’s no one :) (in reality there’s several important from their life they’d certainly miss, if only they properly remembered them)
28. who would they kill? who would they kill for?
Turns out this is anyone that is rude or stuck-up lol (despite being stuck-up himself). Death holds very little meaning to Zarus anymore, and killing is much the same. They’d kill without doubt or hesitation if it was for one of their loved ones.
30. what do they seek out from others?
That social, human connection. They love spending time with people, especially their friends and loved ones. Relationships in whatever form they might take, be it platonic, intimate, committed, or otherwise.
32. do they seek control, or do they want less of it?
They certainly don’t seek it out. The exception to this would be among enemies, as they prefer being able to control and manipulate douchebags they don’t like. Otherwise they’re fine to be in control or to not be, they kinda just go with the flow and whatever the situation calls for.
34. which party member do they go to in a crisis?
Definitely Grimshaw. They find him to be practical and realistic, and would also trust his interpretation/view/opinion when they can’t trust their own.
36. what’s a secret they’ve kept?
How much of his life he doesn’t remember. His chronic pain, his hidden fear of being maimed again.
38. what do they smell like?
Potpourri, because they legitimately carry some at all times. Partly because they like it, and if they smell of death, it covers that scent very well.
40. do they enjoy poetry?
Oh definitely! They have an appreciation for the artful weaving of words, and though they aren’t much of a poet themself, they’d certainly enjoy hearing or reading it.
42. what are three words they would use to describe themself?
Effervescent, magical, and an optimist.
44. what do they need to learn?
Self-reflection. He doesn’t really see his own flaws, or his fears, feel particularly guilty about any pain he’s caused. And to be less blindly trusting, because it will – and has – stab him in the back.
46. what do they deprive themself of?
Food, water, sleep/trance – all things they don’t actually Need anymore, but would probably be good for them nonetheless.
48. what do they see in their future?
Making more friends/close connections, and sometime in the future returning to the Feywild. Bringing said friends to the Feywild for a vacation and a good time. Beyond that, they don’t really have any solid plans or expectations, and certainly haven’t prepared for anything going wrong (the fact they’ll likely outlive their friends, the effects of their immortality curse, etc.)
50. can they sing? can they dance?
I think they could do both of these things better when they were still fully alive! They’ve lost their tone control/recognition a bit, as well as their coordination. Between the two, I’d say dancing is the one they’re better at.
52. from whom do they seek validation?
Zarus is actually very confident, and very self-validating (for better or worse). But if anyone it would be the people they’re closest to – Grimshaw, Caesin, Cabal, Laura.
54. what was their education like?
They don’t remember where they studied or whose tutelage it was under, but they had some form of good education! Most of their base knowledge of nature, the Feywild, and the arcane are from years of study. They were close with the mentor who taught them most of it, once.
56. what animal do they most relate to?
As a druid, Zarus can literally take the form of almost any animal. I think they’d relate more to plants, honestly – moss or fungi, colourful and odd and beautiful. If it had to be an animal, probably a deer or elk – majestic, and able to be strong and independent, but happier and safer as part of a herd/community.
58. what do they think their role in the party is? what is their role in actuality?
Social butterfly and communication (ex sending). And they are those things! But they’re also quick to put themself at risk, while trying to keep their companions healed up and safe. They’re also a good researcher/note-taker, but that’s more because of my note-taking habits lol.
60. do they whisper or yell more often?
Hmm I’d say this is a fairly even split. Their whisper is often (but not always) more of a stage whisper, but unless they’re calling out across a crowd they don’t yell much per se.
62. outside of otherworldly forces, what do they believe in?
Nothing particularly strongly. Luck, fate, and karma could all exist, but they could also not. Zarus puts more faith in the present, in themself and the people around them.
63. what fight has scared them the most?
This one’s less spoilerly now, so in terms of backstory definitely when they had their arm bitten off, hid in a narrow crevice, and died from bloodloss and trauma. In terms of fights during the campaign, probably the supernova fight in Domel – they weren’t sure what that was going to cause, and it could have gone Very Badly. They also feared for Cabal’s life during that fight, since they’re mortal and were present until Zarus dimension door’d them away.
64. do they value mercy or justice more?
Justice over mercy, but compassion more so. They respect people who care for and fight for others. They aren’t especially merciful, honestly, but the reasons they kill people isn’t for a particular moral code. At the end of the day, it’s more about helping people.
66. who makes them feel warm?
Certainly their fellow party members, especially Grimshaw. And then all their other companions, those they’re close to and those they’re not – Cabal, Laura, Lo Vin, Ophelia, the Chameleon, so on and so forth.
68. what was the best moment of their life?
Coming back to life. Nah lol, but much of their story would never have happened if they hadn’t. The day they stumbled across a portal to the Feywild is definitely up there, though it would’ve been rather harried and stressful too, but also incredibly exciting.
