Shout out to that time we went to Warped Tour in 2008 and saw BMTH for the first time and thought Oli was really cute. And then later that day we realized we could actually meet him so we waiting in line for over an hour to get our pictures taken with this guy we knew absolutely nothing about, just that he was gorgeous. And while waiting in that line my manipulative and emotionally abusive ex walked by, and for the rest of the day you held my hand so tightly so I would stay strong. And you stayed up with me until neither of us could stay awake anymore making me laugh over and over again until I forgot about what happened. And two years after that when we tried to go to Warped Tour again and we got lost and I got pulled over and you held my hand while we waited for the police officer to get out of his car while I shook like crazy because I was so scared. And all of those times I was too scared to do something, and you eased my anxiety and pushed me to do it and helped me the whole way through. And all of those sleepovers on those bad days or bad nights for either one of us. All of the rescue missions to get you or me out of the house when we just needed to be anywhere but home. All those Falling Over Failure concerts in Lowell because you thought DJ was the coolest and I thought Clay was amazing. All of those late night conversations about life and boys and struggles. All the stupid inside jokes about beats and giraffes. The night your mom had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance while we were in New Hampshire and we stayed up all night until she came back and held each other while we both cried because we were so worried about her. The endless sleepovers, the group driving lesson, the birthday parties, the trips to your family house in New Hampshire, all of those pointless trips to the mall. The time we waited outside our school for over an hour for someone who ended up not even existing to come pick us up and hang out for a while. When I threw away your razors in the middle of the woods so you couldn’t hurt yourself anymore, and then held you for what was probably hours until you stopped crying. When you graduated from high school and I still had a year left, so I helped you pack up your car when you moved to college and then cried the whole drive home. But I never told you that. I never told you how much I missed you that first year you were gone and I was stuck at school having to make new friends because all of mine had graduated with you. I never told you how much I continued to miss you and having you help me through all the hard times after that. We stopped talking after you had been there for about a semester, we both moved on from something that didn’t really need to be moved on from. We went our separate ways and we both seemed okay, only talking every once and a while but staying relatively caught up with each other’s lives, and always there to listen if they other person needed it. And now you’re gone completely, and I can’t get you back. I can’t be there to listen anymore, I can’t go to you if I need you. I wanted to catch up with you after graduation and be best friends again and now that will never happen. I’ll never get a chance to get to know the amazing person that you’ve become. I’ll never get to tell you how proud I am for how far you’ve gotten and how strong you’ve been through all of the battles that you’ve had to fight. I’ll never get to tell you how much you’ve influenced my life, even when you weren’t really in it anymore. I’ll never get to show you how strong I’ve gotten. We can’t get together and talk about that one stupid mistake we both made in the summer of 2010 and how you got out quickly but I continued to make that mistake for two years because I realized he was scum. We’ll never be able to get together and laugh about how stupid we were and how ridiculous our inside jokes were and our hair and our fashion choices. We’ll never get to talk again and I can’t even try to describe how much I’ll miss that, how much I’ll miss you. You were the best friend I could’ve asked for during the years that I had you. You’re the only reason I got through high school okay. You were such a big part of my life and now it feels like a big part of me is gone. You were an amazing, beautiful person who showed kindness to everyone that needed it. I love you so much, Emily. You don’t have to fight anymore, you don’t have to fight to stay strong. You don’t have to be in and out of the hospital hooked up to IVs and monitors anymore. You can just rest. Rest in peace, love.