#yzs

Doctor’s eyes widen incredulously, “Why not? We just did it five times in a row! I’m sore all over.” His eyes narrow suspiciously and he clutches his trouser string. “Don’t tell me you want to go again?”

“No.”

“Then what is it?”

“You seemed eager to get up.”

This time, Doctor frowned. “I’m hungry.”

Pang Xi doesn’t reply. He lets his state of undress and Doctor’s more conservative attire speak for itself.

Doctor follows his gaze and quickly catches on. “You want me to be passionate? To hang all over you? That’s impossible, I can’t, I won’t do something like that.”

“You don’t seem to care-”

“What do you want me to do? Say ‘I love you’?”

Pang Xi feels that is a pretty good start. “Yes!”

“Okay, I love you. I love you. I love you.” He lets the words sit between them. “Happy?” Pang Xi is happy but Doctor is not. “Is that enough? Don’t you think it feels meaningless?”

“You think love is meaningless?”

“I think it’s fine not to say it. Words are pretty but-”

“But they carry a lot of weight,” Pang Xi points out. “Don’t you always say that?”

“Words that promise action,” Doctor says. He exits the bedroom, pulling aside the curtains to let Pang Xi through. He lights the lanterns in the house so they’re not stumbling about in the dark. “Action means things like “let’s go eat” or “where do you want to go later?” or “sure, we can do that”. What does ‘love’ promise? It’s a word to describe an otherwise nameless feeling. An abstract inclination that drags you to someone, and how is that different to a rumour?”

They enter the kitchen where Doctor puts a pot of water on the boil and he and Pang Xi fall into a rhythm of passing the ingredients to be cooked.

“How should I know!” Pang Xi snorts, taking a plate and two bowls out from the shelves. He doesn’t like to be accused of philosophical abstracts post-coitus. Who would. “You are supposed to be the human!”

Doctor removes the dried meat and dunks two eggs in the hot water. “You’ve been a human for at least three years!”

“And you’ve been human for longer! Haven’t you ever experienced love?”

Doctor arranges the food on a tray along with some hardboiled eggs and tea. Pang Xi carries the tray out into the sitting room. “No,” he says quietly. “You’re the first.”

Pang Xi stops suddenly and Doctor almost bumps into him. “Hey, careful.”

“What?” Pang Xi says. Doctor takes the tray from him.

“You’re the first. Love is for lovers. Not for princes or doctors.”

“We are lovers now.”

Doctor sits down at the table, gesturing for Pang Xi to do the same. His face might be red, for whatever reason. “If it means that much to you, I’ll say it more often.”

They eat dried meats, fruit and nuts. It’s summer so there’s plenty of food. Maybe wine would have suited the weather better but the way the tea, just shy of scalding, warms his belly. Doctor takes decisive bites of food, savouring the taste. His fingers gleam with saliva from where he’s licked off a tasty morsel and Pang Xi takes his hand. He takes Doctor’s fingers into his mouth, trying to taste more than the food he’s eaten. He tries to taste his saliva, his sweat, the taste of his skin. “Had enough?” Doctor asks, but he doesn’t try to pull his hand away.

Pang Xi is the one who lowers Doctor’s hand. He leans over the table and uses his other hand to tilt Doctor’s chin up so they can kiss. He tastes salty and sweet and his mouth is hot from the tea. He breaks the kiss first, an action that surprises Doctor who leans in to chase after Pang Xi’s lips and then catches himself. He coughs, embarrassed.

Pang Xi cups Doctor’s cheek and plants a kiss at the corner of his mouth. He’s already leaning way over the table but he still wants to push himself forward so he can be close to Doctor. But when he tries to use his other hand as leverage, he finds that his fingers are trapped, intertwined into Doctor’s own.

I didn’t do that, he thinks. Doctor is looking at him, his eyes heavy-lidded and waiting.

Pang Xi blinks. “I think love does promise something,” he says slowly.

“What?”

“It promises an answer.”

“To what?”

“Statements like “let’s go eat”, “where do you want to go later” and “sure we can do that”.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

Pang Xi grins, he makes sure to speak as close as he can to Doctor’s lips without them touching. Doctor sways into him and Pang Xi knows he didn’t do that. “I think love makes no sense at all.”

1.

In the early days, he grinds medicine and Pang Xi practises his words. He clutches the brush awkwardly, drawing crude pictures until his hand cramps. “Again,” Doctor says, swatting his head with a rolled up book.

“Again?” Pang Xi snarls.

Doctor flexes his fingers, his expression doesn’t change. “Again,” he says.

Pang Xi could fight, but he’s decided he likes Doctor better when he smiles than when he scowls. Even though when they do fight, he is close enough to tell that his skin smells like herbs and ink.

His skin smells like herbs and ink even after he emerges from the bath, his joints flushed pink, like blossoms. The promise of spring. The mole at the corner of his eye draws Pang Xi's gaze like some kind of spell. He catches Pang Xi looking one day and snorts. “Don’t think you can slack off,” he says. “The wood still needs chopping.”

“I’ll do it tomorrow.”

“You were the one who forgot to do it. We need wood now.” He shoots Pang Xi a glare. “Don’t use your powers.”

The wood splits easily with the use of his powers. Doctor is fast asleep by now, probably. Or so tipsy he doesn’t care. When Pang Xi is done, he peers into the room and marvels how even when doctor’s eyes are closed, the mole still stares at him.

--

2.

He sleeps through the winter, nursing his wounds. Some days he wakes with a start, panicking as the place in his chest throbs. Death flashes before his eyes, taking the shape of a wooden sword.

Eventually it reforms into Doctor standing above him. He’s talking in a low tone. “Pang Xi,” he says, piling more wood onto the fire. “Don’t you dare piss in my house.”

Pang Xi drags himself out of the room and when he returns, it is hot enough to feel like summer. There is food and water by the fire and he takes his time to eat it. Doctor comes to check on him just after the sun sets. He thinks Pang Xi’s asleep and he piles more wood onto the fire. He smells like ink and herbs and sweat and grass. Pang Xi dreams of Doctor climbing the mountains to gather more wood. He dreams of a calloused hand gently stroking his body.

---

The house is quiet in the winter. The footsteps of patients and guests are muffled by the snow. Pang Xi slinks from room to room, chasing the sun. He scares Doctor from time to time, looming in corners and behind doors.

During the months when even the sun feels cold, he chases Doctor about the house as he does his chores, wrapping around his body or simply watching him from a distance. It feels good to be around him.

That girl was right. There was something about him that made him handsome, attractive. But it was his essence, wasn’t it?

3.

Pang Xi still practises his words, Doctor still scolds him, pulling back his sleeve, to expose his pale wrist, the bone jutting through his tender skin. He points out the mistakes. “Look, it goes like this.” He swings his finger in the air and watches, hypnotised, until Doctor calls him.

“Pang Xi. Are you listening?”

Pang Xi blinks, trying to pretend he wasn’t for even a moment, charmed. “To what?”

Doctor scowls, “One more time.”

--

He wants something other than essence.

The quality of the lust is different. It doesn’t exist like a hunger in his belly that can be satisfied by a whore. It’s more specific than that.

Doctor’s arms, wet and slippery with sweat and water. His hands dirty with soil, rough from picking herbs, washing the clothes. His chest, rising and falling, a wedge of skin peeking through his clothes. The sweat on his brow, the smell of ink and herbs.

Then it bottoms out into something less hungry.

His smile - graceful in the presence of strangers; careless, when they are alone. His laugh, like he understands the bitterness of days, days where there is nothing to laugh about so he does not laugh; like he understands the winter of life and when it arrives the laughter slumbers in his chest, and yet thaws so easily in the spring and falls like a drizzle upon parched ground.

“Which one?”

“The one who was brought in yesterday.”

Doctor winces, “I sent her home, she’s incurable.”

Pang Xi turns his head to nuzzle his thigh. “What about that other old man? You cured him.”

“That’s a different case, I can’t apply that to a young girl, it’s too risky. What if she actually died?” He shakes his head, “She’s still alive now, though, maybe not for long.”

Pang Xi shifts so that he can slip one hand up Doctor’s trousers. He grumbles a little but doesn’t stop him since Pang Xi can’t do more than rub his ankle. “Stop turning, it’s ticklish.”

“Doctor, I’m hungry.”

“Hm? Dinner’s not for a while, but there’s some fruits in the pantry if you’re really hungry.”

Pang Xi pulls down his book, blinking pointedly at Doctor. “I want to eat you.”

Doctor swats him with the book. “Behave,” he scolds, but it’s without heat.

Pang Xi doesn’t miss a beat. “Can we do it?”

This time, Doctor stares at him incredulously, “It’s the middle of the day.”

“There’s a lot of time before dinner.” Pang Xi cajoles, stroking his front with his knuckles. “And you don’t have to see any more patients.”

Doctor considers the merits of ignoring him. He’ll want to do it tonight as well, but the day is hot and Doctor is bored. He feels the ache in his belly that rises every time Pang Xi touches him, every time he looks at him like that. He wonders, with increasing frequency, if he’s indulging in Pang Xi too much. But he’s got one hand still buried in his hair and when he tugs lightly, Pang Xi hisses but goes willingly. He meets him halfway in a kiss that’s a simple press of lips.

A drop of sweat trickles down from his temple and slots itself between their lips. He can taste his own sweat and Pang Xi licks up the rest. He ends up laughing a little against Pang Xi’s lips and when he’s met with a quizzical glance, he just says, “Okay, let’s do it.”

Pang Xi sits up, cups his face and kisses him properly, until he can’t taste his own sweat anymore. He drops the book, but it was boring anyway.

--

It might be because of the afternoon heat but when they head towards the bedroom, they’re not in the rush they usually are. Doctor has the sinking feeling he’s settling but as Pang Xi pushes him onto the bedding and bites the spot that causes a certain noise to escape from his throat, he finds he doesn’t care.

Pang Xi helps him strip. It’s hot so his clothes are a little sticky but once they’re off, it’s a great relief. Pang Xi presses his face to his chest and stomach, licking the sweat off his skin. “You have a good body,” he says, even though his hand is hovering over the swell of Doctor’s belly.

“I think I’m gaining weight, actually,” Doctor replies, trying not to moan or blush. Either would be mortifying and though Pang Xi’s seen him do both, he doesn’t want to do it in broad daylight.

“That's because I’m doing all the work nowadays,” Pang Xi says, gently sucking Doctor’s nipple.

“But you don’t want to come on long journeys with me,” Doctor says, tugging at Pang Xi’s clothes, “Off.”

Pang Xi acquiesces, kissing Doctor as he removes his own clothes. “You said I’d scare away the customers,” he says, his breath becoming heavier.

Doctor barely gets to catch his breath before Pang Xi grips his cock and gives it a firm stroke. “Ye-ahhh,” he’s finding it hard to string his thoughts together. “Rich people can get defensive.”

Pang Xi is still talking but Doctor isn’t really listening. “Rich people have a tendency to invite trouble, and you’ve been ambushed before. I want to come with you.”

He heard that though, ‘I want to come with you’. Sometimes the level of possessiveness Pang Xi can reach is dizzying but Doctor slides his hands over his shoulders, “Don’t talk about that when you’ve got your hand on my dick.” He kisses Pang Xi and then stops and inch from his lips. “I can take care of myself.” He kisses Pang Xi’s jaw and then finds himself being pushed down so his head hits the pillow and then rolls off.

Pang Xi falls upon him, still stroking him, kissing his neck. “I can stay outside,” he says breathily. “Keep an eye on you from a distance.”

Doctor throws an arm over his eyes so Pang Xi won’t see him blush, and tilts his head back. “People will think you’re a stalker.” He tries to keep his hips from bucking into Pang Xi’s grip and squirms. “Get off, I don’t wanna come so soon.”

Pang Xi stills his hand, but he doesn’t pull away. Instead he leans in so he’s inches away from Doctor’s face, “I don’t care if people call me a stalker.”

Any response he might give is swallowed by the kiss Pang Xi pulls him into. His tongue lazily sweeps around his mouth and Doctor melts a bit, sinking into the bedding. He makes a choked noise as Pang Xi tightens his grip, preventing him from coming, and then Pang Xi’s other hand dips low to knead Doctor’s buttocks.

“You’re so red.”

“Shut up,” Doctor mumbles. “Must be the heat.”

Pang Xi prods at his mouth with his fingers until Doctor takes them in and suckles them, looking contrite. “Get them wet,” he instructs. “I’m going to use my fingers.”

Doctor gives him a bewildered look but gets them as wet as he can anyway. Pang Xi withdraws from his mouth, trailing his fingers along Doctor’s tongue and scraping his teeth. He doesn’t break eye contact with Doctor as he skims down his chest and around to his back.

“Can I?” he asks, finger circling his entrance. Doctor gives a shaky nod, then twice more when Pang Xi doesn’t move.

“Go already,” he says and then throws his head back, face contorting as Pang Xi slips in one finger.

It feels uncomfortable at first, as always. There’s that odd tugging in his stomach whenever something enters him there and the ache only grows. But it gets more pleasurable over time, the rhythm of it sliding inside becomes bearable and his expression slowly melts into something more lax, eyes drifting half shut as Pang Xi fucks him with his finger.

He can’t help but let a moan escape as his stomach clenches up. “More,” he mumbles.The tension drains out of his shoulders until Pang Xi adds another finger and then works him open, stroking his insides.

The afternoon heat adds to their heated breathes. He feels it fill his head and his eyes start to drift shut from more than just arousal. “One more,” Pang Xi whispers and Doctor hisses out “yeaahhh.”

Pang Xi, that bastard, adds a third finger and starts talking. “You’re so tight. Is it because it’s daytime?” The stretch is doing things to his insides and Doctor grips the sheets with a sudden intensity when Pang Xi spreads them apart.

Pang Xi is watching Doctor’s expression intently as he prods at his insides, sending delicious sparkles of heat that shoot straight to his cock. Pang Xi’s other hand has loosened its grip on it but he’s still not moving. Doctor is torn between bucking up into his grip or grinding down against his fingers. “You’re not falling asleep, are you? You still have the energy?” Pang Xi asks.

“Can you please shut-AHHH!” His voice pitches up as Pang Xi crooks his fingers and presses down on that spot inside him, simultaneously gripping his cock so he doesn’t come. Doctor’s hands fly up to dig his fingers into Pang Xi’s shoulders and he shudders half in pleasure, half in pain.

Pang Xi watches him come apart like this. He takes his time as Doctor squirms against the bedding like a snake, watching his own fingers slide into and out of him, disappearing into that heat and making Doctor twitch with every miniscule movement. He tightens his grip every time he senses that Doctor is close to the edge, and stills. Doctor curses and sobs but Pang Xi isn’t done with him.

“St-stop looking,” Doctor pants open-mouthed. His eyes are so blurry with tears he can barely make out Pang Xi’s smirk.

“I don’t want to.”

“Are you that bored that seeing some bald guy writhe and pant is so entertaining?”

Pang Xi pauses, “It’s not that, you just look really good.”

Doctor flushes. “Hurry up,” he says, ducking his head and wriggling, trying to grind down on Pang Xi’s fingers so they’ll hit that spot they’ve been teasing all this time.

Pang Xi speeds up a little but it’s still a controlled pace. “Doctor looks good in the daylight too,” he says appreciatively.

They rarely do it in the day, when the sun is high and it’s difficult to hide from the light. Usually they’re both too overwhelmed but it looks like Pang Xi’s getting his share of looking.

Pang Xi looks good in daylight as well. By lamplight he looks dark and intense, but in the daylight it’s like the mystery is stripped away and all that’s left is a man vying for his attention. His hair flops over his eyes, matted with sweat and his eyes are narrowed to a pinpoint focus of which Doctor is on the other end. He blinks when he catches Doctor looking, “What is it?”

“Nothing,” Doctor hides his face by pulling Pang Xi in for a kiss. Then he feels Pang Xi shift inside him so he’s hammering that spot over and over again. Doctor’s eyes fly open and he pulls away. His back arches as the pressure increases until it’s much, too much and he’s finally, finally pushed over the edge. His mouth hangs open in a silent scream, vision whiting out for a few seconds. His nails leave red welts on Pang Xi’s shoulders.

As he recovers, he hisses, “You bastard.”

Pang Xi tries not to grin, “Doctor, it hurts. What if you leave a mark?”

“It’s not like anyone else will see it. Stop thrusting already, it hurts.”

Pang Xi pulls out his fingers and even though he’s already slick from the inside, Doctor still winces in pain. Pang Xi kisses him again. “Study.”

Doctor looks at him levelly, then breaks eye contact to look pointedly down at his straining erection. “Are you gonna come?”

He doesn’t wait for an answer, just reaches down to take Pang Xi in hand. He breathes heavily as Doctor tightens his grip and begins to jerk him off. Watching Doctor must’ve gotten him excited, he’s almost ready to come.

He’s still capable of thought though, which is annoying. “You’re getting very...good,” he sighs, shuddering his release over Doctor’s hand and stomach. “...At this.” He lets his head fall against Doctor’s shoulder and Doctor can hear him breathing right into his ear. In the next moment, Pang Xi has latched onto Doctor’s neck and it busy sucking a bruise.  

“People will see that mark,” he says.

“Let them,” Pang Xi says, but sucks a little lower anyway.

“Satisfied?” Doctor says, hand coming up to stroke Pang Xi’s hair.

Pang Xi pauses, then shuffles lower to lick the drying cum off of Doctor’s stomach. “I wouldn’t mind having more.”

Doctor flicks his forehead, “Cheeky.” He leans back and spreads his legs. “Let’s go again.”

--

Pang Xi is most affectionate post-coitus. He likes to wrap himself around Doctor, an inseparable part of his snake-nature, and just coil and uncoil his limbs with Doctor. The afternoon is slowly cooling into evening so it feels nice to be surrounded by Pang Xi’s warmth. Doctor’s eyelids droop as he traces circles on Pang Xi’s skin and lets himself be licked.

Pang Xi stops fidgeting and leans his head against Doctor’s. It seems like a thoughtless gesture but Doctor’s learned that Pang Xi is a restless creature by nature, and, in line with his animal instincts, he freezes and looking into the distance when he notices something or when a thought occurs to him. Now should be no different.

“What is it?” he asks.

“What if I was incurable, like that girl?”

“What if you were?”

“Well, what would you do?”

Doctor stops as well, he lets his hand drift from where its curled around Pang Xi and he sits up. He can feel his knuckles whitening as he plays out the scenario in his mind. Pang Xi feels him tense and wraps his arms around Doctor, “I was only asking.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Doctor says distantly, but he doesn’t relax his grip. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I would do.” He lets Pang Xi ease him against his chest. “I’d try to find a way to cure you, I guess,” Doctor says, but he even sounds uncertain.

Pang Xi raises Doctor’s hand to his lips and busses it gently. “Maybe, if I were that sick, it would be better if I left.”

“No,” Doctor says fiercely, craning his head to glare at Pang Xi. “You always run away. This time, I’ll look for you,” he warns.

“If I ran, I wouldn't want you to find me,” Pang Xi says lightly.

“Don’t say that,” Doctor snaps. “I don't want you to just disappear and I never find out what happens, I-!” He’s shouting and Pang Xi is looking at him in shock. Doctor ducks his head.

“Doctor...” he says, tilting Doctor’s chin up to look him in the eyes.

“You’re important to me,” Doctor says. “I don't want to lose you.” Pang Xi is stunned, as if he’s only now realised he’s not the only one who’s been tamed, who’s suddenly had high stakes to be lost.

“Doctor,” he says, gentler this time.

Doctor shakes his head. “What do you want to have for dinner?”

“I’m don’t need dinner, I could eat you all day,” Pang Xi says easily.

Doctor doesn’t take the bait. “I’m starving,” he says but he doesn't look hungry at all.

Pang Xi softens and kisses him chastely on his scalp. “I can cook.”

Doctor misses his second opportunity to take a jab at him but at least his expression looks less shuttered. “Not now though,” he says.

Pang Xi nods and doesn’t say anything. The sun begins to turn red as it reaches the end of its journey across the sky. The light spilling into the room paints them both a crimson red. “You want to come with me on long trips?” Doctor asks.

“Of course. You’re very important to me.”

“Ha ha. Put that away.”

“I wasn’t going to do anything.”

They should get up and make dinner but neither of them move. Pang Xi presses kisses to Doctor’s skin, trying to push the heat back into where he’s turned cold.