#ytt2017

I think this essay topic has come at the perfect time, as I currently have a few major decisions to make regarding my career. As most people know, I currently work as a paramedic for Jackson Community Ambulance, and have been employed there for over 3 years now. During that time, the company has been good to me for the most part, and I am grateful for all the people I have met, and the job experience I have gained. However, the last 6 months there have been a lot of changes with the company and how things are being run, and I no longer feel like a valued employee. I work three, 24 hour shifts every week, and usually run between 10 and 15 calls each of those shifts. That typically translates to about 18 hours spent in the ambulance driving to a call, spending time with a patient, and then driving back to the station. Break down the remaining 6 hours of my shift with eating, going to the bathroom, cleaning/stocking the ambulance, and writing reports...this leaves very little time to actually sleep, and what time there is does not occur all at once; it’s broken up in 15-20 minute increments throughout the entire shift. See a problem?

Our ambulance is not the only one that stays this busy. In fact, it is slowly becoming quite normal for the majority of Jackson ambulances, creating a lot of discourse among our employees. The response of our management? “We will look into it, but thank you for doing what you do.” No pay increase, no scheduled breaks, no time off increase, and no additional ambulances. A statistic was brought up recently that our company had run 1,200 more calls this year compared to last year. So what is being done with the additional revenue? Time and again we have asked for additional ambulances to operate in the county. Instead, our company is creating a “tap-out” policy for when a crew reaches a point of exhaustion, and no longer feels that they can do their job effectively. They are then to be allowed one hour back at their station to rest. Just one hour! And by the way, every other ambulance will then have to work harder, to make up for the difference of not having that ambulance in service.

While I make fairly decent money for a 22 year old, our company is not the highest paying in Michigan, and there are several in the area that are fairly competitive when it comes to wages. Here lies my dilemma: one of those companies (Livingston County EMS) has been trying to recruit me for several months to leave JCA. Their pay would be about the same, with an initial pay cut during their training program, but their benefits are far better than my current company’s. I would run less calls per shift, work less hours per week, and they would be willing to pay for me to obtain my Critical Care certification, as well as my instructor license, which JCA will not pay for. So why do I feel so conflicted?

For one thing, I have appreciated my time with JCA thus far, and my loyalty says I should stay if I have already been there for 3 years, despite currently feeling hopelessness and anger towards them. I also don’t know that I want to take a pay cut for the first year, when I could simply stay at JCA and potentially get a raise here. The problem is, Livingston will cap out at more money than I would at JCA. I could potentially have a longer commute working at Livingston, but I do have a Prius that is made for commuting. Livingston shifts start later in the morning, at a more normal time (not 5am as I do currently), which would also help me to have a more normal sleep schedule. They also have a union, which could help protect me from being taken advantage of by management.

The hardest part of this decision? I simply don’t know what I want to be when I grow up! I love being a paramedic, but I currently hate where I work and how hard I work. So would simply changing companies improve my outlook, and make me love my job again? Or do I not enjoy being a paramedic like I think I do? If not, what should I do…? I’ve considered dispatch, nursing, flight medic, massage therapy, opening a yoga studio/health center, even moving somewhere to study naturopathy and holistic medicine. But do I do that now, while I’m young and single and have the means to move? Or do I commit to rooting down somewhere I may not enjoy, and simply hope for the best?

My first reaction to this question is to say, “No, I have not yet achieved my dream job. I’m not living where I want to be, and I have not yet completed this teacher training.” But then I give pause, I take a breath, and I think deeper. Am I who I want to be? What does that question even mean to me? Do I have the material things I want? The social ideal of a husband, house, and kids? Do I have the nice house, nice car, ability to travel often, and be able to provide for my family? Or does it mean something deeper, something more spiritual, more about my personality? And I take a breath...

I have a short temper, and people who are ignorant frustrate me. I get irritated by people who do not think of others first, and those who are careless make me angry. But I enjoy taking care of people. I love random acts of kindness, and paying it forward when it happens to me. I want to protect the innocent, make people happy, and take away pain. I want to love others, and be loved, and raise children who will be better than me and accomplish more than I could ever hope to. So which is more prominent? Do my faults outweigh my positive qualities? Is this who I want to be? And I breathe...

Let’s be honest, at 22 years old, I have accomplished more than most my age. I finished high school, I’ve seen 12 of the 50 states, and even been to Canada. In high school, I traveled around doing public speaking events, promoting community service, leadership, and caring for others. I have almost completed my first degree, and I have started two careers. I have my own car, apartment, cat, and enough money to not have to worry about where my next meal may come from. But do these accomplishments define me? Am I who I want to be? And so, I breathe…

I donate money to charity every month. I volunteer when I can, and I donate my time and medical training to a first aid tent at Relay for Life. I go out of my way to do the best I can to provide for my patients at work, and I defend those that cannot defend themselves. In my interpreting jobs, I help give a voice to those that may not otherwise be heard or understood. I care for my family as best I can, and I support my friends and roommate in whatever they do. I try to be a positive influence to others, and I am against animal cruelty. I recycle, and I try not to be wasteful or over indulgent. But is this who I want to be? Breathe…

I want to travel. I want to get married and have kids. I want to teach yoga and share my journey with others. I want to continue to help others, and prolong death in as many patients as I can. I want to be more positive, and more hopeful for the future. I want to love someone, protect animals, and leave the Earth a better place than I entered it. Remember to breathe…