#youllgetthroughthis

December as a whole is a hard month for me. It brings back both heartbreak and success. But I’m going to start on a positive note, I will be 3 years clean from self harm this month.

3 years ago I relapsed and couldn’t get out of the hole I was in. I was depressed, I self harmed on the daily. But with the support of my friends I picked myself out of the pit I was in, I got on a steady road to recovery.

Depression is NOT a choice. BUT recovery is!

Over the last 3 years I’ve had enough thrown at me to relapse again! Especially last year, which leads me onto heartbreak. If true strength was shown, it would have been last December, when I fell back into my pit. When I didn’t eat for 3 weeks, was sick everyday and couldn’t even say your name without falling apart.

BUT I showed great strength. I, and I along picked myself back up on my road to recovery. Don’t get me wrong, so many times I fell. It was 2 steps forward one step back.

Learning to be your own sunshine is hard. Fuck it’s differcult. But I do not regret it at all! I so wanted to be everyone’s happiness, love others more than I had ever been loved...

But in the end, you just burn out. There’s only so long you can fuel others, without feeding yourself.

I burned out. I hit rock bottom for the first time in 2 years and I didn’t know what to do. I was back in that pit. I knew I didn’t wanna be there and if I didn’t do something to get myself out, I don’t think I’d be here today.

I’m so thankful, so grateful that I shown great strength. Strength I didn’t even know I had.