#youcaughtme

It happened again. F*CK. I’m too hopeful. You caught me at my vulnerability and I saw a glimpse of hope and in a blink of an eye

 it disappeared. Completely laid out all my cards and turns out I’m the joker. 

I’m a fool to think I could’ve been your queen. 

Idk. I hate guys who crave unnecessary attention but who am I to talk, I like to be the queen of attention in my own disconnected way. I was the queen of cravings but I was never the queen of your heart. I wanted to be the queen of hearts. That’s the thing that’s wrong with me. I stand out too much. And it’s not cause I’m trying to. REALLY. It’s just how I was born. I could cover my face with ski scarfs and coverings and someone will still point at me no matter how hard I try to stay covered. I absorb so much yet I don’t distribute it properly. I’m a cynical hypocritical fool but maybe I”ll find that glimpse of hope again? Why do I allow myself to do that.

 I crave so much, I’m greedy, I”m selfish, I’m also outdated in some senses. I just want to be smothered in love, bathe in it, brush my teeth in it, comb my hair, embrace it. This is not an episode of continuation that I want to endure. I hate when people see me vulnerable. Absolutely hate it. But yet every now and then, I let it creep, sneakily slithering out. I can’t help it. It’s who I am. I’m the queen of wanting attention in the utmost discreet way and I’m the queen who wants to give her heart away That’s the thing about me. I’m not a half hearted fool or would try to lie to someone. When I actually wake up and tell you good morning in any kind of outlet. That’s just me with my own glimpse of hope. I rarely say that to people. I hate when I do this.