#youarenotbroken

despite how crowded life gets, how our days feel jam‑packed with people, plans, and noise

there’s still this tiny pocket of emptiness inside us

like an unanswered message or a chair that’s always empty at the table

and it’s okay if you feel it too you’re not broken you’re just human

sometimes the heart needs a little extra room to figure itself out in the middle of all this everything

To the ones who wake up every day carrying way more than most people will ever see—yeah, I mean you.

You’re not weak. You’re not “too much.” You’re not broken beyond repair. You’re a walking, breathing miracle, even on the days you feel like a glitch in the system instead of a person.

You’ve lived through things that would’ve completely flattened a lot of people. Maybe you’re tired down to your bones. Maybe your heart feels like it’s been stitched together with shaky hands and thin thread. Maybe some days just dragging yourself out of bed feels like climbing Mount Everest in flip-flops.

And still—you’re here. That alone is massive.

The Two Muscles Most Men Never Train That Control Erection Strength

Most conversations about erectile dysfunction focus on blood flow. Circulation. Nitric oxide. Vascular health. All of which matter enormously.

But there is a second part of erectile function that most men never address.

The muscular side.

Two specific muscles in the pelvic floor are responsible for maintaining an erection once blood has entered the erectile tissue. The Bulbocavernosus compresses the base of the penis increasing rigidity and pressure. The Ischiocavernosus maintains the erection by preventing blood from leaving.

Together they are the muscular engine behind every strong erection.

And almost no man has ever intentionally trained them.

When they are strong you have a firm and sustained erection. When they are weak you don't. It really is that simple.

Here is the starting practice.

Start like you are trying to stop the flow of urine. Try to go a little deeper. Concentrate on the muscle going all the way back to your tailbone. When you feel a subtle lift at your tailbone you have engaged the muscles that matter most. Hold for five seconds. Release completely for five seconds. That is one repetition. Start with twenty repetitions every other day and build gradually.

These muscles were always there. The capacity for stronger erections was always there. It was simply waiting to be trained.

Full explanation and complete training guidance in the video linked below.

I want to talk today about something most men notice privately and almost nobody discusses openly.

Morning erections. Specifically, what they mean when they are there, and what it means when they stop showing up.

This is one of the clearest health indicators your body delivers every single morning. And most men have no framework for reading it.

Here is the honest explanation.

Morning erections are not random occurrences or embarrassing biological glitches. They are the last in a series of natural erections your body produces every night during a specific phase of sleep called REM sleep. Healthy men experience between three and five of these erections per night, each lasting between twenty and forty minutes. They have a specific biological purpose. They deliver oxygen rich blood to the penile tissue and help maintain the health and elasticity of the smooth muscle cells in the structures that produce erections.

Think of it as overnight maintenance. Your body, without any conscious effort from you, is servicing the equipment every single night. The morning erection you notice as you wake up is simply the last of these maintenance cycles, the one that happens to still be present as you transition out of your final REM cycle.

When morning erections are present and reliable they are reporting several things simultaneously. Your testosterone production during the night was adequate. Your REM sleep architecture is functioning correctly. The vascular and neurological pathways that produce erections are intact and working.

In Traditional Chinese Medicine this morning vitality is understood as kidney yang energy, the warming and activating aspect of kidney function that is restored during deep restorative sleep. A man who wakes with a morning erection is a man whose kidney energy was adequately replenished during the night.

It is a daily health report. And when the report is positive, it is worth noticing.

Now let me address what most men are actually wondering.

What does it mean when they stop?

First, the important note. If you have recently noticed a significant change in morning erection frequency, I want you to mention it to your doctor. Not in alarm but as part of an honest health conversation. Reduced or absent morning erections can sometimes indicate low testosterone, sleep apnea disrupting REM cycles, cardiovascular changes affecting blood flow, or hormonal shifts worth evaluating. Your doctor needs this information to help you.

Here is the broader picture.

Morning erection frequency is influenced by testosterone levels, which are primarily produced during sleep and peak in the early morning hours. It is influenced by REM sleep quality, which is disrupted by stress, alcohol, sleep apnea, and erratic sleep schedules. It is influenced by cortisol levels, which when chronically elevated suppress testosterone and disrupt sleep architecture simultaneously. And it is influenced by age, though complete absence at any age is worth attention rather than simple acceptance.

There is also something worth knowing about using morning erections as directional information about ED itself.

If morning erections are still occurring regularly but erections during intimacy are difficult or unreliable, this suggests that the physical vascular and neurological mechanisms are intact. The challenge is more likely primarily psychological or situational in nature, which is exactly the territory that mindset work, visualization, breathing practices, and energy work address most effectively.

If morning erections are also absent or significantly reduced alongside daytime erectile difficulties, a physical component may be involved alongside any psychological factors. Both deserve attention. But the physical picture benefits from a medical evaluation in addition to the natural practices.

I remember during the most challenging period of my own ED noticing that my morning erections had become less frequent and less reliable. At the time I did not know how to read what I was observing.

What I know now is that my body was giving me an accurate report every morning. Kidney energy depleted. Testosterone suppressed by chronic stress and insufficient sleep. REM sleep disrupted. The report was honest. I just did not have the language to understand it.

When the underlying factors changed through consistent practice, the morning erections gradually returned. Not overnight. Over months. But their return was one of the clearest physical signs I had that the practices were working at a real physiological level.

Your morning erection is information. Learn to read it. And let it motivate you to address what it is reporting on.

Watch the full video here: https://youtu.be/avpQGjJLejE

Full structured program here: https://www.patreon.com/cw/SexualMasteryforMen

You are not broken.

Your body is giving you information.

And information is power.

I want to talk today about something that most men dealing with erectile dysfunction carry completely alone.

The conversation.

The one they have been rehearsing in their head at three in the morning. The one where they have to say out loud to the person they love most that something is not working the way it should.

Most men never have it.

They avoid it indefinitely. They make excuses. They find reasons to sidestep intimacy altogether rather than face that conversation. And slowly, quietly, the silence between them and their partner grows into something that feels impossible to cross.

I did exactly this. For longer than I am comfortable admitting.

What I eventually learned is that the conversation I was dreading was almost never as bad as the silence I had been living in.

And most of the time, my partner already knew something was wrong. What she did not know was why. And that uncertainty, that not knowing, was often harder for her than the truth would have been. She was filling the silence with her own fears. And those fears were almost certainly worse than the reality.

Here is what I recommend when you are ready to have this conversation.

Do not apologize your way through it. I know the instinct. You feel like you have failed her. You want to apologize for every intimate moment that did not go the way it should have. But leading with shame puts the entire emotional weight of the situation onto her. She now has to manage your shame as well as her own feelings. That is not the conversation that heals.

Start with honesty instead. Something like this. I have been dealing with erectile dysfunction. I have not talked about it because I did not know how. But I think the silence has been harder on us than the truth would be. And I want us to face this together rather than pretend it is not happening.

Clear. Direct. No shame spiral. Just the truth stated plainly.

End with partnership. Make clear that you are not asking her to fix it. You are working on it. You are taking it seriously. What you need from her is not solutions. Just to know that she is with you while you do the work.

And if she takes it personally, if she wonders whether she is the reason, address it directly and calmly. This is not about you. This is about my body and my nervous system and some patterns I have been working to change. You are the reason I want to fix this. Not the reason it happened.

Something from Traditional Chinese Medicine that reframed this for me in an unexpected way.

In TCM the heart is understood as the organ that governs both love and sexual energy. And one of its most important principles is this. When you do not express what is in your heart, the energy becomes congested. It cannot flow. And that congestion affects everything, including your sexual health.

The conversation you have been avoiding is not just emotionally important. It is energetically important. It is literally clearing a blockage in the pathway between your heart and your sexual center.

Every time I have seen men in this community finally have the honest conversation with their partner, something shifts. Not just in the relationship. In their bodies. In their ability to be present and responsive.

Because the weight of the secret was consuming energy that should have been flowing toward connection and vitality.

The conversation is not the end of something. It is the beginning of healing.

A few practical reminders.

Choose a calm ordinary moment, not before or after a failed intimate encounter. Do it in person, not by text or email. Keep it simple, you do not need to explain everything in one sitting, you just need to open the door. Let her respond without filling every silence. And if she asks what she can do, tell her that patience and presence are what you need most.

It will not be perfect. That is fine. Real intimacy never is. Two people choosing to be honest with each other even when it is hard, that is more healing than any technique I can teach.

Watch the full video here: https://youtu.be/MFpUYIA53HE

Full structured program here: https://www.patreon.com/cw/SexualMasteryforMen

You are not broken. And neither is your relationship.

f you're dealing with erectile dysfunction, the first thing I want you to hear is this:

You are not broken.

I know it feels that way.

I know every time it happens, it feels like proof that something is fundamentally wrong with you.

But here's what most men don't understand:

ED is often not a physical failure.

It's your body responding to pressure, stress, or anxiety the way it's designed to.

Your body isn't broken. Your mind and body are just caught in a cycle that you can learn to break.

I know because I lived it.

And I learned that understanding what's actually happening is the first step toward change.

Watch the full video to understand why you're not broken — and what's really going on.

👉  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73__-jGSwHQ

There comes a quiet, almost surprising day in life when something inside you softens. Not because everything is suddenly perfect, but because you finally see yourself differently. You realize you don’t actually need fixing. You never did. This realization doesn’t arrive with fireworks or loud declarations—it arrives gently, like relief. And that moment becomes a powerful turning point in healing, something we explore deeply through Reform with Afsana.

For many of us, growth has been framed as repair work. We grow up believing that we are broken in some way—too emotional, too slow, too sensitive, too inconsistent. Society subtly (and sometimes loudly) tells us that success and self-worth come from correcting ourselves. Over time, this creates an exhausting inner project: constantly improving, constantly adjusting, constantly “working on yourself.” But Reform with Afsana invites a different question—what if healing is not about fixing, but about understanding?

The day you realize you don’t need fixing is the day shame starts losing its grip. You begin to see that your reactions, patterns, and struggles were not flaws but responses. Responses to experiences, environments, and pressures that shaped you. This shift—from self-blame to self-awareness—is at the heart of Reform with Afsana. Healing begins not when you criticize yourself harder, but when you listen to yourself more honestly.

This doesn’t mean growth stops. In fact, real growth finally becomes possible. When you stop seeing yourself as a problem, you stop forcing change out of fear. Instead, change arises naturally from clarity. Reform with Afsana emphasizes that inner clarity is far more transformative than self-discipline driven by guilt. You don’t outgrow habits by hating them—you outgrow them by understanding why they were needed in the first place.

On Tumblr especially, where so many people quietly process emotions, identities, and transitions, this message matters. Healing spaces often unintentionally promote the idea that you must constantly be “doing the work” to be worthy. Reform with Afsana gently challenges this. Yes, reflection matters. Awareness matters. But you are already worthy, even in the middle of confusion. Even in the middle of inconsistency.

The healing shift happens when effort turns into ease. You stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?” and start asking, “What am I responding to?” That single change in perspective can soften anxiety, reduce inner conflict, and create compassion where judgment once lived. Reform with Afsana isn’t about denying pain—it’s about meeting pain without labeling yourself as defective.

Another powerful aspect of this realization is emotional permission. When you no longer believe you need fixing, you allow yourself to feel without panic. Sadness doesn’t mean failure. Rest doesn’t mean laziness. Confusion doesn’t mean weakness. Through Reform with Afsana, healing is seen as a relationship with yourself, not a race toward a better version.

And perhaps the most liberating part? You stop postponing life. When you believe you need fixing, happiness is always conditional—after I heal, after I improve, after I become more stable. But when you realize you are not broken, you allow joy to exist alongside growth. This balance is central to the philosophy of Reform with Afsana.

The day you realize you don’t need fixing is not the end of the journey. It’s the beginning of a kinder one. A journey where growth feels supportive, not punishing. Where healing feels human, not performative. Where you learn to reform your relationship with yourself—slowly, honestly, and with compassion.

> Listen now: https://xandertempest1.bandcamp.com/album/the-myx