#yoonrene

Joohyun was more terrified than the first time she had been to the hospital.

She would need to see her little sister because she had promised to take her home once she’s discharged. She hadn’t seen her for almost three weeks because she avoided seeing her since the incident. Since she hurt Yerim.

The only thing she had the courage to do was to answer Yerim’s messages because that was the only way she could make sure that her little sister was doing okay. Consequently, they had kept in contact only through messages. Joohyun didn’t have the heart to let Yerim down but she wasn’t ready to face her. Instead of visiting her in the hospital, she texted her and always found an excuse, so that she wouldn’t need to see her. Her doctors kept Joohyun updated anyway.

Luckily, Yerim wasn’t in a critical condition anymore. Even though the doctors had no idea what might have caused the accident because Joohyun merely told them that she slipped on the icy street in front of their house and fell to the ground, unconscious. She couldn’t tell them what happened. How could she? They would have put her in jail or even worse, a madhouse. Who would believe that she possessed a power that allowed her to create ice and snow and bolt someone in the heart with her explosions? They would have outright humiliated her or called her names. Joohyun herself couldn’t believe it at first either.

However, knowing that Yerim was well again didn’t make things easier. In fact, it made everything even more difficult. The thought of having to see Yerim face-to-face was too much for Joohyun to bear. She had tried to prepare herself for every scenario but she had no idea what to expect.

Small wonder Joohyun was on the edge when Yoongi decided to interrogate her about a possible near-death experience she might have had in the past on the exact same day she was supposed to meet Yerim.

“What does it have to do with anything?” Joohyun huffed in disbelief, not knowing why it was so important for Yoongi to know so much about her past. Joohyun trusted him, at least she trusted him more than before but that didn’t mean that she was willing to share everything about herself. Especially not something so hurtful.

“Because you may have got your power when you were dead for a certain time and it may have remained when you came back to life. It’s not uncommon but extremely rare for someone to possess a power after they’ve been through a near-death experience.” Yoongi shared with her everything he had managed to find out about the topic since the gathering with the other Guardians.

“So do you say that it has happened before?” She raised an eyebrow in question, something unpleasant already settling in her stomach. Her heart was beating a bit too rapidly and she wasn’t sure if it was a good thing. Being the odd little human who was suddenly struck by this weird power was a role he hated but the possibility of others living like her also scared her. How many of them were living ordinary lives while having extraordinary powers? Who were them? Where were the others?

“Well…” The Guardian scrunched his nose, apparently uncomfortable to answer her question.

“Yoongi…” Joohyun said, her full attention lounged at the boy in front of her. Her impatient tone was her first warning. The next would be raising her voice at him.

“It happened only once.” He admitted, the icy blue of his eyes turning a shade darker after his confession.

Joohyun gulped. She sensed that something was fishy because Min Yoongi would never be hesitant to answer her questions if it wasn’t something he really didn’t want her to hear.

“What happened?”

There was a minute of silence that covered them like a gentle blanket on a winter night. Even though they were both creatures who were capable of manipulating ice and snow, Joohyun never liked the cold tension that fell upon them when they were arguing or merely hiding their real emotions in case the other would get hurt. It was the kind of cold that she didn’t prefer; stern, unbreakable and suffocating. She never liked neither winter, nor anything that was associated with it but she had to accept her fate and make peace with the fact that she was chained to winter no matter how much she disliked the thought.

“He died.” Yoongi finally broke the silence, his voice deep and raspy.

Joohyun would lie if she said that she didn’t expect such an answer. However, the thought still made her blood run cold. No matter how many times she hurt himself and sadistically liked being hurt, she didn’t want to die. Dying and being hurt were two sides of the same coin. Yet, one was reversible while the other was irreversible.

Or maybe not. Death can be tricked too.

“What exactly happened to him?” She persisted, not willing to move until she got the answer she wanted. Despite Yoongi’s apparent frown, he didn’t back away.

“His name was Myungjun but he was known as Daylight within us.” He started but paused right away to let out an agitated sigh. Whoever this Myungjun was, he must have meant a lot to Yoongi because his voice was uncharacteristically gentle when he talked about him. “He was a human being just like anyone of us before we got our powers. He was a firefighter but his bravery costed him his life. Once, he was so badly injured that he was sent to emergency immediately, yet he died while they were trying to resuscitate him. He was dead for around three minutes and while he was unconscious, he was chosen by the Man in the Moon as a new Guardian.”

“He was supposed to be a Guardian immediately?” Joohyun casted him a questioning glance because she couldn’t put the pieces back together.

“Yes.” Yoongi nodded with a half-smile. “He was a really gentle soul, always trying to save others and sacrificing his life but no one could save him from such a fate. Besides him, only Joonmyun and Hayoung were Guardians right after their death, Mark, Kibum and I, we had a period of probation before we were chosen one.”

“What was the reason for that?”

“Would you have trusted me with the responsibilities of being a Guardian right away?” He asked seriously without a hint of mockery in his voice. “The Man in the Moon has his own reasons to choose someone as a Guardian right away or merely guide them through the initial challenges of their powers. I didn’t know what to do with my powers either and my lack of knowledge slowly turned into pranks and jokes as I discovered what I could really do. I wouldn’t have been a good example for anyone. That’s why I stayed as Nightlight and questioned the Man in the Moon why I was created and why I couldn’t get to know anything about my past.”

“If you were Nightlight and Myungjun was Daylight, you must have had a special bond, right?”

“We can say so.” The Guardian of Fun smiled at the choice of Joohyun’s words. Then, as if he was suddenly being remembered of the past, his features became solemn and unreadable again.

“Myungjun was able to create or merely make flowers bloom and radiate sunshine and warmth. I was the one who was supposed to help him how to control his power but I didn’t know anything about his abilities. Luckily, he believed in me and it turned out that the will-power and mental strength you need to create heat is the same one you need to create cold, so things were looking up for a while. He was still a human but he couldn’t go back to the fire brigade because he wouldn’t have been able to explain why he was in one piece and why he didn’t have any burnt bruises, so he was studying to be a teacher until one day his own power consumed him.” He gulped as the memory of the said Guardian hit him hard and though he looked like an ice prince, Joohyun could see the remorse and pain in his light-blue eyes.

Yoongi told her about how he became a Guardian, about the fight with Pitch but never did he mention anything about a human who had opposite powers and had a similar reason she might have gotten hers. Though now that he told her that his own power consumed Myungjun, she was starting to understand why he didn’t want to tell her about Daylight.

“Go on!” Joohyun bobbed her head, gesturing him to finish the story. It could be seen that Yoongi was in conflict but the girl’s persistence prompted him to continue.

“Just as you are able to hurt yourself or others when you can’t control your power, he could do too. It was the first and the last time he let go of control and it cost his life. He burnt himself to ashes and because he wasn’t an immortal Guardian and had his own human body with his beating heart, he died on the spot.” He visibly flinched as he recalled the memory that still stung him at his heart. As an immortal, he was used to seeing people die while he didn’t change at all and didn’t age at all. However, mostly they were people whom he didn’t know well or whom he didn’t have a special relationship with.

On the contrary, Myugjun was his first pupil and his complete opposite. For so long, he waited for a mate because he felt alone and abandoned. People couldn’t see him, people didn’t believe in him. He was Jack Frost (or at that time Nightlight was more well-known), an immortal creature who could control snow and ice but had no one to share his accomplishments with. No one had a power similar to his, thus they didn’t understand him. He was goofy and loved causing trouble while messing around in towns and triggering snow fights. But he had no one until that year’s spring when he was chosen as a Guardian and found friends (to be precise, a family) in Bunnymund, Santa Claus, Tooth and Sandman. Before them, he only had Myungjun.

Myungjun was the perfect role-model, small wonder he was a Guardian right after his near-death experience. As opposed to Joohyun’s case, Myungjun knew he was a Guardian because he had talked with the Man in the Moon and he told him about his powers and responsibilities. If he wanted to protest, he wouldn’t show it. Myungjun was the epitome of joy; always smiling, giggling or chattering nonsense. He was the human embodiment of happiness, the way his lips curled into a smile resembled the sunrise itself. He was so full of love; he was always willing to give rather than take away. The world couldn’t have asked for a better Guardian. He brought joy and light into humans’ lives; not only with his power but with his smile too.

Truth to be told, Yoongi was jealous of him at first. He knew he wouldn’t make a great Guardian (at that time, he was more curious about the reason he was created in the first place, the thought of being a Guardian didn’t even cross his mind) but Myungjun was already one when he couldn’t even control his power. The Man in the Moon may have had his own reasons but Yoongi could never decipher him. Daylight was a Guardian but he was taught by a mere immortal being – Jack Frost. Why? It was a question left unanswered even after Myungjun’s death. The fact that Daylight didn’t abandon him, nor belittle him when he should have spent most of his time with the other Guardians made Yoongi want to hate him more. Yet, he couldn’t. It wasn’t possible to hate Myungjun. No one could hate him.

The sudden flashbacks made Yoongi dizzy, yet he tried his best not to show any sign of insecurity. Myungjun was closer to him than anyone ever before and he died because of his own power. Joohyun was already closer to his heart than he would have admitted and she had made a huge progress but Yoongi could never be sure she wouldn’t end up the same way Myungjun did. That’s why he tried to push her away and that’s why he was so impatient with her training. He wanted her to learn faster, so that they would minimize the chances of her being consumed by her own power.

Joohyun sensed that it was a sensitive topic to Yoongi, so when she spoke up, her tone was as gentle as possible.

“What about the Man in the Moon? Couldn’t he help him?” She looked up at him, her similarly blue eyes shining with questions, doubts and fears. She wasn’t as scared as she was the first time they met but she was far from confident either. Especially after knowing about Myungjun’s fate.

“He couldn’t.” Yoongi shook his head, sadness written all over his face. “Once a human Guardian is died, he can’t bring them back to life. If he wouldn’t have been a human, he could have saved him, but he was a human being with a beating heart.”

They were both silent for a moment. Joohyun needed time to process everything she had heard. She might have assumed that the Man in the Moon was some kind of almighty god-like creature who defended the Guardians and took them back to life whenever it was needed. Yoongi didn’t mention anything about that. She was sure they were immortals and undefeatable. She wouldn’t think that the Guardians could die. To be precise, only human Guardians could. It seemed so cruel to her. The ones who work on the balance and joy of the world didn’t deserve to die. Ever.

“Do you want to tell me about your near-death experience, so that we could figure out if it has something to do with your power?” The boy muttered quietly, not wanting to shake up Joohyun even more.

That day’s training was already a mess because her emotions were overshadowed by her fear concerning the visit to the hospital, so he didn’t want to push her further. On the other hand, if they wanted to find an explanation, Yoongi needed to know if she had been through something similar to Myungjun’s case.

“I can’t really believe it myself but…” Joohyun cleared her throat to regain her usual cold façade but Yoongi was already good at seeing through her. She was vulnerable and fragile in that moment even though those were the only sides she didn’t want anyone to see. However, if it was something about her parents, she couldn’t keep a stern face.

“When my parents had the car accident, we were in the backseat with Yerim. It’s already bad enough to know that we’ve survived and they didn’t, but the fact that I also had a near-death experience and yet I was able to come back is worse.” She continued shakily, trying to hide her trembling hands by clenching them into fists.

She remembered every single detail of that night in February like it was yesterday. She remembered the last patch of light she had seen before everything went dark. She remembered the heart-wrenching scream of her mother’s before the car hit the ground. She remembered the excruciating pain that was rushing through her body the moment she woke up. Yet, she remembered something more; the way her heart broke into tiny little pieces when she heard that both her parents died. It felt as if someone had stubbed her with a knife, right through her beating heart, still pushing through while it was already bleeding.

“The doctors say I was in a critical condition when they transported me to the hospital because I was on the side the car flipped. I had a serious brain concussion and they tried to resuscitate me but to no avail. I was dead for five minutes and they thought they had lost me until I started coughing up blood and came back to life.” Joohyun literally coerced herself to speak because the words felt heavy. Her tongue was tangled as if her senses were also connected to her emotional state.

Everything regarding the accident felt like a dream. She was still hoping to see her parents’ smile in person, she was still waiting for them to show up at their flat’s door. She wasn’t ready to let them go. She couldn’t. It would mean that she was really all alone with Yerim by her side. No matter the amount of affectionate she felt towards her little sister, she didn’t know if she was doing the right thing. She couldn’t replace the mother Yerim had lost. Joohyun was a mere twenty-one-year-old university student, she didn’t know how to take care of herself, let alone her thirteen-year-old little sister.

Yet, after moving away from Busan and settling down in Seoul, Joohyun had to realize that she had no time to mope and question her abilities. She had to try her best, if not for herself, then for Yerim. Her little sister didn’t deserve to lose her parents at such a young age, they should have had so many more years together. However, that extremely cold, snowy winter day changed everything and turned their perfect little family life into a mere shadow.

“Maybe that could be it.” Yoongi pondered, furrowing his eyebrows as he tried to put the pieces back together. Joohyun nodded a bit, although she wasn’t sure if it could be possible. However, after finding out about her power, then meeting Min Yoongi who was also known as Jack Frost and learning that there were Guardians on Earth who could only be seen when people believed in them, nothing seemed so impossible. Her life turned upside down but she wasn’t so sure that her life changed in a good way.

“Maybe.” She agreed as she let out a weary sigh. If Myungjun’s story wasn’t tragic enough, her near-death experience was definitely something she didn’t want to talk about. “Can I go now?” She turned to Yoongi, trying to cover her agitated state with impatience.

“Where do you want to go?” The Guardian squinted his eyes at her. Joohyun completely forgot that she hadn’t told him about her visit to the hospital. To be precise, she hadn’t told him that she would go that day.

“I’m going to the hospital. Yerim is discharged at 5pm today.” She admitted as she knew he would see through her anyway. There was no point of lying. Min Yoongi could read her like an open book or at least she supposed he could.

“You don’t want me to come?”

“No, thank you.” She shook her head. No matter how heart-warming Yoongi’s offer was a few days ago, she was convinced that it was her fight, her duty and for that reason she should face the situation without Jack Frost’s help. Also, it was highly unlikely but not impossible that Yerim would believe in Jack Frost and that she would be able to see him. The last thing they wanted was an overexcited teenage girl who jumped up and down in front of the doctors, saying that Jack Frost was in the room with her. Let’s face it, if Yerim believed in him, she would react the exact same way.

“Let me know if you need anything.”

“You don’t have a phone.” Joohyun reminded him uncharacteristically cheekily, earning an exceptionally wide grin from Yoongi.

“I can’t argue with that.” He admitted in defeat, pouting like he was the most disappointed person on Earth.

Joohyun couldn’t help but boast a childish smile seeing his little antics because Yoongi wasn’t usually playful around her. He could be with any children in the world but adult Joohyun was always an exception. She hoped there wasn’t anything more to it than the fact that she couldn’t initially control her power. It was true that she didn’t remember their childhood memories because according to Yoongi, once someone doesn’t believe in a Guardian, they lose the memories they have made together. Even if they start believing in them again, the flashbacks will stay hidden in a locked part of their hearts.

However, she hoped that was all why he was acting so cold towards her. Of course, he changed a lot during the weeks they had spent together but they were definitely not the teasing type. They needed time to open up about more serious topics, being childish and cocky around each other was on a whole new level.

“Maybe you’ll feel if something’s wrong with that Guardian detector of yours.” Joohyun snickered even though she was aware of the fact that Guardians didn’t have real detectors, only their guts could tell them if something was wrong.

“Maybe.” Yoongi played along, watching with a gentle smile as Joohyun walked away.

 It turned out that going alone wasn’t a good idea after all.

Joohyun couldn’t even make it to the hospital. When she was near the building, so close that she could already saw the silhouette of the white painted wings with giant glass windows towering over the parking lot in front of it, she froze. Her legs became numb and her hands shaky. She felt as she was trapped in a cage, unable to think about a way to escape because she knew there wouldn’t be any. She was trapped in the cage that her soul-crashing anxiety and overwhelming fear established and even though its borders were invisible, she could feel that she would get hurt if she moves.

She stopped dead in her tracks in a nearby alley, her body trembling in fear. As panic rose from the bottom of her heart, so did the constant urges to use her power to make it all stop. She cursed under her breath when she realized she wasn’t wearing her gloves as she had left it at the warehouse and didn’t pick it up when she left. She always remembered to bring it with her, except that day. She was so immersed in that rare smile of Jack Frost’s that she didn’t cast a cautious glance before she stepped out of the rusty old building.

Joohyun felt the waves of her power rushing through her body. It felt similar to being nauseous; when you feel like you could throw up anytime soon, but you don’t exactly know when it’ll happen yet when it does, you are unable to hold it back. She felt her power in every cell of her body, every nerve was filled with its intensity, yet she didn’t know how to make it stop. She was trying her best to follow Yoongi’s instructions and she could keep it under control for the time being.

Truth to be told, she wasn’t afraid of meeting Yerim, she was more afraid of being in the hospital again. When she was taken to the hospital after the incident with Yerim, the adrenaline was keeping her alarmed in a good way. She didn’t have anything else to worry about, it was enough that her little sister was hurt.

On the other hand, now that she was supposed to go back, her mind was preoccupied with the flashbacks of the days she spent in the hospital. When she was informed about her parents’ death, when she was resuscitated, when she came back to life… Joohyun walked down the memory lane again but it wasn’t intentional. The memories came back all at once and she couldn’t stop them from being played in her head like scenes in a movie; one after another, sometimes not in the right order, sometimes seemingly unrelated. She heard her mother’s scream again, she saw the sight of blood on her hands before she lost consciousness, she felt the pain in her fractured ribs. She could feel, see, hear and smell it all.

“Where are you going all alone, little girl?” A raspy voice asked from afar, causing Joohyun to jump in surprise.

When she turned to the owner of the voice, she came in sight with a creepy middle-aged man with a croaked nose and a devilish smile. Something in her guts told her to scamper away as soon as possible but her legs were still numb. She was trying to overcome her panic and keep her power at bay, so the man’s sudden appearance didn’t help at all.

Joohyun didn’t know if she should answer or not. Her tongue felt heavy when she wanted to speak up, her thoughts fuzzy. She didn’t know how she managed to speak but she did, and it might have been the worst thing she could have done.

“Please leave me alone!” She asked as patiently as possible, keeping her voice muffled and low. The man’s lips raised into a rather unpleasant smile.

“What did you say?”

“I said leave me alone!” Joohyun’s voice rose as she found a sudden jolt of confidence rushing through her. Maybe it was thanks to the mental training she had received from Yoongi but she found it easier to talk back to him when she didn’t even think about the consequences.

“I don’t want to go so soon. I just want to play!” The creepy figure wiggled his eyebrows, making her feel actually nauseous. Joohyun wasn’t one to tell someone off but she was already on the edge because of her panicky state, she didn’t want to make it worse. Plus, Yoongi’s words rang in his ears: If you can escape a situation that would make your power go out of control, do it without giving it a second thought.

Joohyun immediately turned on her heel, her fear of the man’s next move greater than the fear the flashbacks created. However, as she started walking towards the end of the alley, the man grabbed her wrist and turned her around. His grip was strong and firm, the kind Joohyun couldn’t break out of because she wasn’t strong enough. She tried to do it nevertheless and when a car honked not too far from them, the man suddenly let go of her hand a bit, probably suspecting that the car was approaching them. She used this tiny bit of time to yank her hand away and when the older male wanted to reach for her again, she kicked him in the balls and started running away.

Even though her move was hurtful enough to make her opponent wither for a few seconds, he didn’t give up, in fact he got angrier than before. As she was running away, trying to look for anyone near them or any store, restaurant, café she could rush into for help, the man grabbed her by the collar this time and turned her to make her face him. Joohyun fidgeted and kicked and screamed for help, trying her best to escape. Her hands were free ,and she wanted to make use of them by pushing the man away. As soon as her hands made contact with his skin, she felt a cold sensation in her fingers and the next thing she knew was that the man in front of her dropped to his knees, a giant icy spot forming where she placed her hands.

“Oh my gosh!” Joohyun whispered as she looked at her hands then back at the man who fell to the ground, clutching his chest like he was suffering from some kind of fatal rash. Then, after some seconds struggling, he didn’t move again. No matter how frightened Joohyun was, she checked his pulse. To her horror, the creepy man stopped breathing.

She killed him.

Joohyun knew no another solution than to run. Run until her lungs would give up and her legs would give out. Run until her tears would dry and her heart would be pacified. Run until she would be herself again.

As a child, she used to think that having superpowers is such a cool thing. She had read several stories and childhood fairy tales about ordinary people who got supernatural abilities out of the blue. Manga characters that could fly or transform into dragons seemed also appealing as they always won against villains and saved their friends and families, no matter what. They were heroes whom she could look up to and they made her believe that there’s always something good in everything bad.

However, reality was far more terrifying than those stories and having a superpower was no longer a cool thing. In fact, it was the worst thing that could happen to her. She caused more harm than she had ever imagined she would and had to bear more shame than she was able to handle. After a while, she was accustomed to hurting herself – getting bruises and little scratches from time to time – and she got used to the sight of blood on her hands but there was one thing that she couldn’t shake off, no matter how many days had passed. Yerim’s startled and hurtful expression when her fragile body fell to the ground still haunted her in her nightmares when she was even able to sleep. The flashback stung her right at the heart and made her weaker and more cautious whenever she recalled the sorrowful memory. It was like a scary ghost that constantly followed her; even if it couldn’t be seen, she still felt its presence.

Yoongi suggested that she should start worrying less because the more terrified she felt, the more her power responded in such unwanted ways. Freezing a room wasn’t one of her hidden intentions, neither was her hair turning almost completely white. She hated everything that came with her power; it was like her own body was trying to remind her of the consequences.

“Well, blondish white is not a really bad colour,” Yoongi stated one day with neutral facial expression when she frantically noticed that all her locks turned exceptionally light.

It was easy for him. He had been living like that for 300 years but for her it was a whole new world. She couldn’t be bothered to attend her university classes anymore, going back to her flat or visiting Yerim in the hospital. She was undeniably terrified of hurting others, even though she was a work in progress. She learnt a lot from the manga-like Guardian but Mark also taught her how to be patient due to his inability to speak yet she had to understand him one way or another. It was kind of confusing at first because of his his sand images but she got used to it after a while.

Nonetheless, she wasn’t able to see the other Guardians despite her greatest efforts. I mean, who can really believe in Santa Claus these days? Or Easter Bunny. Not to mention Tooth Fairy who I never once believed in. Faith was an interesting one. It was something that showed the real side of people because they couldn’t pretend that they believed in something when they obviously didn’t. And seeing the Guardians was almost like a lie detector; it revealed everything.

Luckily, Yoongi didn’t seem to mind that Joohyun wasn’t able to see the others. Ever since the night she ‘met’ all of the Guardians (and had her first real breakdown), they started to get along pretty well. They weren’t besties though, it wasn’t to that extent. On the other hand, they had significantly less quarrels and they both tried to be more patient with one another. It wasn’t odd when they started talking night after night, after Yoongi finished teaching her and before they both went to sleep. Or at least, Joohyun assumed that the boy was also sleeping, although she never once saw him close his eyes for more than a few seconds.

“Isn’t it boring? Living for 300 years and doing the same thing every single day?” she inquired with genuine curiosity after one tiring afternoon which was full of attempts and fails, laughs and cries, smiles and shouts. They were standing in front of the broken window of the abandoned warehouse, looking at the boysenberry sunset with a little bit of a tangerine-orange sparkling.

It was almost an ordinary scene as the warehouse became her second home and she realized that she was fond of watching sunsets and sunrises. Somehow they gave her hope and testified that a better – and undeniably colder – day would eventually come, no matter what kind of hardships she had to deal with day by day. Yoongi was usually beside her at times like that but it couldn’t bother Joohyun, it rather reassured her. She believed that the reason for that was because he kept her company, so she didn’t have to be alone with her exceptional fear and anxiety.

“To be honest, it’s rather sad,” Yoongi pondered for a thought, with no sign of annoyance in his voice this time. “The more years go by, the more depressed people get. It’s harder and harder to cheer them up and make them believe in us. They don’t even know how desperately they need hope and joy in their lives. They constantly stuck in the negativities and affect their own kids who no longer believe in Santa, Tooth, Sandman, Bunnymund or me.”

His voice was laced with remorse and disappointment, his dissatisfaction and commiseration showing in his icy-blue eyes. They were sparkling with solemnity and reminded her of the Han River before a terrible storm; they displayed both perfect calmness as well as undeniable chaos. It was again a very different image that he was portraying before but there were so many sides to Min Yoongi. She still couldn’t elucidate them all.

“But there are also exceptions,” Joohyun pointed out while her eyes were staring far ahead. The boy had told her about Jamie who helped the Guardians to win over Pitch as he was the only child who didn’t give up on them. It was kind of creepy to know that faith almost disappeared from the world while she hadn’t even known about that. There was a world hidden within the real one which she couldn’t see before. However, after realizing that she was no longer an ordinary twenty-one-year old girl, she crossed the border between the two worlds. After that, there was no turning back.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Yoongi nodded in agreement and his voice was so expectant that she decided to sneak a glance at him. His cheekbones immediately exploded as he didn’t even try to suppress a proud smile. “I’m still surprised that you believe in me. I mean, we were good buddies when you were young−“

“Really?” Her jaw dropped hearing the casual comment of Yoongi who started grinning from ear to ear. She even bounced a little in surprise, causing a hoarse laugh escaping the boy’s mouth. “No way! I don’t remember meeting you before!” she protested and her voice was so subtle that she mentally cursed herself for being so childish. He must be kidding. We couldn’t have met before. If so, he probably can’t remember me.

“Yeah, because you were little and probably thought that I was just an imaginary creature. When kids no longer believe in us, they forget the times we spent together,” he explained with hushed voice and shifted his attention towards the broken window. As he looked out of it, he looked just as fragile as a snowflake shakily falling from the sky.

It wouldn’t have been an exaggeration to say that her heart broke a little. Sadness suddenly approached her and a pleasant kind of bitterness rushed through her body. Out of the blue, she felt sympathetic towards Yoongi because now she understood why he had that kind of mysterious wisdom lingering around him. He had to live for all those years, through wars and famine, deaths and miseries, still trying to give hope for people. Nonetheless, as people grew older, they no longer believed in him and he had to live with his unavoidable fate. He had lost several kids, including Joohyun herself.

“So you know me…” she whispered with awe and didn’t even intend to hide her feelings. Yoongi finally turned to face her and when he did there was a subtle and nostalgic smile on his chapped lips.

“Well, we can say that.”

“Gosh! I was such an awkward kid.” She huffed in slight frustration as the thought flew across her mind. Childhood was something that people usually didn’t like to brag about and she was no exception. She regarded her childhood as the period of her life that if she could, she would like to throw out the window. “I was undeniably a little bit too talkative and I had to wear braces and pink, round eyeglasses. Not to mention that I was whining all the time. Seriously, all the time!” She let out a whimper as she recalled the unpleasant or outright embarrassing memories.

Flashbacks were constantly scrambling in her head, making her remember the times when everything was alright. She used to live happily with a beautiful, adorable mother and a wise and always so thoughtful father. Not to mention the bubbly Yerim who was always gossiping about the neighbourhood kids and cheerful giggling always followed her, no matter where she went.

“You were quite an annoying child−“ Yoongi admitted but it didn’t seem that he was any serious about it, judged by the mischievous smile on his face. Anyway, Joohyun got a little bit offended and didn’t even try to conceal her wrath.

“You are quite a flinty guy.” She rolled her eyes in annoyance and let out a big sigh. She exactly knew that she was way too childish because it was just an act out of defence. If he wanted to comment on her old self, she had all the right to judge his present self.

“But you were still a cute one.”

Her heart missed a beat. Min distant Yoongi just called me cute? What’s wrong with him? She glared at him with eyes wide open but couldn’t say a thing. She was so out of words while her thoughts were scrambling crazily in her head. Her heart thumped in bewilderment, beating so loud that she was afraid Yoongi might have heard it, too.

“And I’m aware of that…” the Guardian admitted as he shrugged his shoulders. As opposed to his emotionless act, his ambivalent feelings could be detected. “I’m such a cold-hearted guy.” He clicked his tongue and ruffled his hair in frustration. She didn’t intend to nag him, the words slipped out of her mouth and it was obvious that she didn’t think it through.

Nonetheless, looking at the boy who was fidgeting and pouting resentfully but wouldn’t even say a single word, she couldn’t help but slightly chuckle. His statement was kind of funny – calling a guy cold-hearted who can actually freeze things – and his offended act was too much to handle. She burst into laughter and couldn’t care less about the frown on Yoongi’s face. He looked quite puzzled and raised one of his eyebrows in question but soon he joined her and they laughed together. Hearing his deep, manly giggle was kind of new for her but she liked the sound of it. He sounded happy, really happy and his laugh triggered chills running down her spine. It was undeniably one of their most joyful moments, even if it didn’t last for too long.

“So how’s your sister?” The Guardian of Winter cleared his throat and shifted his attention to her, his eyes were full of genuine care. His stare seemed to pierce into her soul, even though his words seemed to bite into her.

“It’s none of your business!” Joohyun exclaimed hastily as she was unable to keep her self-defence mechanism at bay. However, after seeing the Guardian’s hurtful expression, she started nibbling her lips. Although she was too stubborn to admit it, she also realized that she acted foolishly. I shouldn’t have said that. It was too harsh.

Yoongi raised his arms in defeat and even took a step back. It looked like she had really scared the hell out of the boy, even though she didn’t want to. It was just her being her usual cautious and defensive self who wouldn’t let anyone get closer to her. In regard to the fact that she hurt the people who were around her, she didn’t want history to repeat itself. Not with him who helped her so much and took her under his wings when nobody wanted to look after her. Joohyun was so thankful to him but as far as she was concerned, it meant that she was even more worried. She wanted nothing more than to keep him safe but she wasn’t good with words, neither with actions.

She drew another sigh and made an attempt to straighten her thoughts. Yoongi was still waiting impatiently – but a little too cautiously – for her reply, hands tugged lazily into his pockets.

“She needs to stay in the hospital for another two weeks. The doctors say that she’s recovering quickly but they have to make sure that she stays that way,” she answered while averting her eyes elsewhere but his face. It would have been a torture for her to look him in the eyes because she might have burst into tears. Doctors were constantly calling her and the positive news kind of reassured her but also terrified her. The fact that she was recovering quickly also meant that they would soon send her home. She wasn’t ready to talk with her because she didn’t know how Yerim would react. Would she scream at her and say that she never wants to see her again? Would she think that all she had seen was just her imagination? Would she believe her? Again. That damn faith. Faith will decide whether my house of cards will collapse or not.

“Well then, that’s good!” He nodded absent-mindedly, his thoughts revolving around something complete different than Yerim.

A rather awkward pause fell upon them after Yoongi’s words. More often than not, Joohyun wished that she could dismiss him and not care about the consequences. Nonetheless, she felt numb from the thought of hurting him like that. Although he was characteristically distant and cold-hearted, nobody could understand her the way Yoongi did.

“You’re still not ready to face her,” Yoongi muttered out of the blue which truly surprised her. His tone wasn’t teasing or even questioning, he simply blurted it out like it was a fact. His icy-blue eyes were just as beautiful as two snowflakes. They contained childish sparkling and blinding hope. Yet, they were undeniably cold and somewhat wise.

Joohyun let out a tired sigh. There was no point in denying what he said, she knew that well.

“No.” She shook her head with a weary pout while her voice still had that hurtful edge to it. “I don’t know what I should do when they will finally send her home. I’m just afraid. Afraid what she would think of me.” She admitted honestly, shifting her attention to the broken window because she couldn’t continue to look Yoongi in the eyes. Not then, not after her confession.

She hadn’t told anyone about her deepest feelings as she didn’t have anyone ‒ besides Yoongi ‒ who could keep her company. Even when they talked, they usually didn’t bring up serious topics because they were both reserved and liked to keep their thoughts to themselves. Though somehow it felt kind of good to finally reveal her fears. She assumed that the Guardian would be able to understand her and wouldn’t nag about it. As long as Yoongi was by her side, she was brave enough to face her fears.

Yoongi tried not to hurt her with his words but he knew what it felt like being left alone. Abandoned like a used toy on the shelves of a teenager and broken like a cassette player after being smashed into the ground. He couldn’t let the same thing happen with another child – even if it was Joohyun’s little sister whom she wanted to protect as much as she could.

“You can’t let her down. She needs you,” he reminded her quietly, his words floating around them like snowflakes in a garden.

“I know she only has me but I’m more afraid than ever. What if she doesn’t believe me?” she shrieked and flung her arms in the air in. Hearing her doubts, Yoongi’s recent playfulness vanished and a more serious look came into his eyes. He probably noticed that being frivolous and shrugging off the question wouldn’t be a good idea. That’s why he carefully pondered over his words before cleared his throat.

“You’ll never know if you don’t try.” His voice came out hoarse but the look on his face was as steady as a rock. “Plus, I’ve seen my own family die. Believe me, you should appreciate that you still have a loved one,” Yoongi mumbled suddenly apologetically without breaking the eye-contact.

Joohyun noticed the slight change in his behaviour right away. The change wasn’t in his actions; it was in the way he looked at her. He didn’t budge, he didn’t even fidget or flinch; he was gazing at her while his words hung in the air like a creepy shadow looking for its victim to attack. His eyes changed from icy to midnight-blue, sparkling like stars in the foggy sky. There was something so deep and inexplicable about his orbs. She noticed it the moment they met. Maybe it was the knowledge he had obtained throughout his years as a Guardian or the horrible events he had seen while he was trying to give hope to the people. She couldn’t pinpoint exactly what she had seen in his eyes but she was no longer afraid to look into them. They no longer seemed intimidating, merely cold.

Joohyun had to hold her breath for a moment because she was so startled at his sudden confession and change of attitude. She had never seen him like this before; acting so serious and telling such things that acquaintances wouldn’t share with each other. Come to think of it, that probably meant that he trusted her, she wondered. How could I earn that? Trust is a big step when it comes to the matters of the heart. I’ve never thought that he would trust me like that.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered sternly as she suddenly found the floor super interesting. Obviously, it wasn’t but it was way easier to look at the ground than Yoongi’s eyes.

“If it helps, I’ll accompany you when you next go to the hospital,” he offered flatly without a hint of sympathy in his voice. Yet, when she looked up, a soft, sheepish smile was slowly forming on the Guardian’s chapped, almost blue lips. That was the first time she saw that smile of his. It was neither a teasing grin, nor a proud smirk. Instead, it was a reassuring, ‘everything-will-be-just-fine’ smile which she could never ever imagine earning from him.

“That would help a lot.” She nodded firmly and made an attempt to shot him a thankful smile. When he smiled back, her icy heart warmed and beat a little bit faster and a little bit louder. She never thought that Min Yoongi would be able to trigger a reaction like that, it almost seemed impossible after their first encounter. Maybe, he wasn’t a bad guy after all.

Trust isn’t a childish board game; it’s a fierce battlefield. People earn it, lose it, fight for it. Some even die for it.