reanimation: chapter 1 - unraveling
fandom: the pitt (tv series) description: Fuck whatever long term plan she had. Victoria needs to get out. pairing: victoria javadi x mateo diaz, victoria javadi x john shen, melissa king x samira mohan (background), trinity santos x parker ellis (background) warnings: a lot of emotionally heavy topics, depiction of an anxiety attack (she doesn't know it), drinking, general tomfoolery when it comes to the five on screen word count: 4.1k words a/n: i have such a deep love for this show and victoria javadi. i conjured this up one night when i couldn't sleep and could only think about how much javadi's life mirrored mine. i hope y'all enjoy this. as always a huge thank you to the best support team on the planet @wraithdance @gardenthatneversleeps @disgustingtwitches
Pitt Fest unravels the last of Victoriaâs resolve. Itâs miraculous how sheâs been able to restrain herself as much as she has for the last decade. But fear is a powerful tool, especially when weaponized against her very limited life experience.
Itâs not that Victoria doesnât know that her parents are wrong; she does, itâs that sheâs always worried about the small chance that they are right. Itâs enough to keep her rooted in place, repeating her own internal mantra to get her through the most difficult moments of her home life.
Just a few more years. A few more years and Iâll be free. Away from here.
Itâs etched into the back of her eyelids. Repeated over and over again when sheâd find herself frustrated to tears with her mother.
But Pitt Fest, oh fucking Pitt Fest, it undoes everything. Itâs bad enough that she collapses during her first procedure, but to then have that followed up by a mass casualty incident? The threads of her sanity and patience had already begun to unravel at that point. Sheâs pretty fed the fuck up by the time her mother is breathing down her neck and sucking her teeth at the unorthodox way Victoria is intubating when the hospital is literally running out of supplies. She canât fucking take it any more and just blows up and out directly at her mother.
Except this time, she doesnât hear her own voice echoing off the walls of her dining room. The Pitt is too busy for there to be an echoing silence after she yells at her mother. Instead, Eileen Shamsi reels backwards, eyes widened in surprise at the sheer fact that Victoria had the audacity to speak to her like that in public. But Victoria doesnât care anymore. Sheâs covered in sweat, blood, and various other body fluids and sheâs goddamn exhausted. Any lingering worries wash away with the grins that McKay and Mateo throw her way as encouragement. And then sheâs back to intubating, helping save lives like the goddamn doctor she is.
The illusion crumbles as she continues to rotate through Pittsburgh Trauma Medical. She thinks back to that moment often. A reminder of the authority and trust she had over herself, of what sheâs capable of when she takes matters into her own hands. Sheâs proud of it. Sheâs hungry for it.
It sets her off.
Victoria knows sheâs capable. Sheâd always prided herself on her academic metrics, theyâd reassured her of this. But this incident serves as evidence for her, reaffirms the knowledge that, yes, actually, she is an adult. Hard to believe against the backdrop of the iron fist of the Javadi household, but yes, sheâs an adult. An adult who is owed autonomy and space to make her own goddamn decisions.
Fuck whatever long term plan she had.
Victoria needs to get out.
-
Sheâs being a bitch. She knows because all of the nurses are walking on eggshells around her. Even Garcia had asked if everything was alright, not even pretending to believe Victoriaâs lackluster excuse. Honestly, she couldnât care less right now. Surgery is hard enough for her, what with all of the incredibly graphic procedures she has to endure, but the overlapping shifts with her mother have made it that much worse.Â
It makes leaving all she can think about. Somehow, the anger and frustration have quelled her bodyâs automatic response to the thought of leaving, hyperventilating. Thatâs reserved for the sanctity of her bedroom, where her nervousness blooms at the prospect of leaving the safety net sheâs been provided all of her life.
âWhatever happened to you in the last few days, Iâm absolutely loving bandit.â Trinity slides into the seat next to her, tapping her credentials into the PTM portal. âIt looks great on you.â Sheâs overeager as she looks over at Javadi, eyes lighting up as she pops a jolly rancher in her mouth.
âBandit?â And geez, even Victoria winces at the tone of her voice.
Trinityâs a soldier though. She just shakes her head in disbelief, âLike Crash Bandicoot? The games? On the GameCube?â
Victoria just stares at her blankly, too tired to explain to Trinity that the first gaming console she got was a DS with Nintendogs. God, those poor dogs. Theyâre probably starving and covered in fleas.
Trinity gapes at her, the half melted jolly rancher visible before she speaks, âJesus! Okay, well, itâs a compliment. He literally saves the world. Just like your little genius brain is gonna save us all one day.â Trinity bumps her shoulder against Javadiâs before turning back towards the computer.
âRight,â Victoria can't add any inflection to her voice; it comes out flat and unlively.Â
âGoddamn who the hell took away your whimsy? You love my shitty jokes.â
âSorry,â Victoria rubs at her temples, closing her eyes against the harsh lighting for a second, âItâs just my mother.â
Trinity lets out a low whistle, âOy vey. Get into it again?âÂ
âMhm.â Victoriaâs hand comes to rest over her eyes, praying and hoping for some relief, âKeeps driving me up the wall. Youâd think I was a prepubescent child the way she talks to me.â
âOh god, the ethnic parent curse.â Trinityâs sympathetic as she rubs Victoriaâs shoulder, âAlways a baby even if youâre grown.â
This is one of the things that Victoria appreciates about Trinity, the shared experience. Despite the rocky beginnings of their relationship, theyâd been able to commiserate over the struggle of having demanding ethnic parents. Victoria would be lying if she didnât feel an extra layer of validation at struggling with something that Trinity struggled with as well.Â
âItâs fucking exhausting. Having them, well mostly my mom, breathe down my neck as if Iâm incapable of making my own decisions is infuriating.â
Trinity nods, crunching through the jolly rancher, âYouâd think the accelerated pace of schooling and the fact you even got into medical school would dispel that idea. But god knows ethnic parents couldnât care less about logic and reasoning that contradicts them.â
Victoria gives up looking at the patient files and lets her head fall into her hands. âItâs driving me insane, Trin.â
âI know I sound like a broken record, but why donât you just⊠move out?â
Victoria canât help the dry laugh that escapes her, âI donât even know how the hell Iâd go about doing that. Itâs not like my mother would even be onboard with that.â
âWell, have you asked?â Trinityâs knee bumps into Victoria, her hand still on her shoulder.
Victoria shoots Trinity a sideways glance, âHave I asked Eileen Shamsi if she would let me leave her home?â
Trinity nods, immune to Victoriaâs dull response.
âNo, I havenât. Because I already know how that conversation is going to go.â
âWhat makes you so sure?â
Victoria sighs, turning to Trinity, âI know sheâs trying to keep me on a tight leash so I donât âfall into the wrong path.â I doubt sheâd just let go like that. I mean if she would, sheâd have done it already, right?â
Trinity shakes her head, giving Victoriaâs shoulder one last squeeze before her hand falls back into her lap. âMy mother was incredibly fucking anal about ever decision I made. She was even pissed about the fact that I decided to go to medical school. Imagine that.âÂ
Trinity rolls her eyes and waves her hand as she continues, âShe had this idea of what I was capable of and would get mad at me when I would do something she thought wasnât suitable for me. So I just started proving her wrong. Every little thing she expressed doubt in, I excelled. Eventually, she came around, but it took a long time and put a strain on our relationship.â
Victoriaâs eyes furrowed, âGeez, Trin, thatâs horrible. Iâm so sorry.â
Trinity shrugs, unfazed by the large trauma dump, âIt is what it is. Nothing compared to your shackled life. But seriously, use me as an example that you can make it out of your situation.â
âI just donât know how Iâd even approach this with her,â Victoria mumbles out.
Trinity perks up immediately, a light shining in her eye, âI think I have an idea for that.â She pauses for a moment, tapping a finger on her chin, âBut itâll have to wait til your twenty-first.â
âMy twenty-first? Trin, you know I canât go out.â
Trinity grins at her, âYeah, I know you canât go out, but weâre still celebrating. Duhâ
Victoria feels a smile spreading slowly across her face. The idea of celebrating her birthday with someone other than her family has her feeling lighter. Sheâs stunned a bit, lost for words at the fact that Trinity, of all people, would be planning something for her. All she manages is an âOh. Cool.â
-
Trinity and Dennisâ apartment exudes a level of comfort and coziness that Victoria wasnât aware homes could have. Sheâd gotten so used to the polished appearance of her parentsâ house that sheâd forgotten how comforting it was supposed to be.
As soon as Victoria passes through the front door, sheâs greeted by the warm smell of vanilla and the earthy smell of the plants that hang from the ceiling. Victoria wonât admit it outright, but thereâs a deep sense of peace and tranquility that she has here. Insane to think that Trinityâs home would offer her that, but hey, crazier things have happened.
In the windowsill, Gato, the apartmentâs resident calico, is batting at the end of a blue streamer that hangs low. Itâs one of many that have been set up around the apartment. Theyâd gone all out, decorating the home in blue and yellow, Pittâs colors, birthday decorations. Victoria has an inkling suspicion that the box, also decorated, sitting on the counter is a Mocha Cloud Cake from the Tous Les Jours on Penn. Sheâd had it earlier in the year and had talked Trinityâs ear off about it for weeks. She canât help the small smile that spreads across her face. Itâs nice to have a small birthday celebration with people she actually wants to spend her day with.
Trinity had told Victoria beforehand not to worry about anything but âlooking cuteâ and left it at that. Victoriaâs attempts at gaining clarity were met with a wave of Trinityâs hand and a small comment about keeping it chill casual. Because Victoria was so experienced in the chill casual of it all. Sheâd done her best with the results that pinterest gave her, but she felt a little overdressed for the occasion. But, whatever, it was her birthday after all.
Dennis and Trinity are already home, offering her a drink as she sets down her bag for the night. Samira and Mel join them a little later, bringing more goodies and alcohol with them.
âIt is your twenty-first after all,â Samira says with a wink and a small giggle. Victoria doesnât miss the way Melâs eyes dart over to Samira and soften around the edges. Itâs very cute.
They end up settled in the living room, all of them strewn across couches and even the floor. Itâd been rearranged to be as similar to a conversation pit as possible. Various kinds of foods and drinks filled the tables in the center as they got on with the festivities.
Turns out that Trinity had organized a powerpoint night for her 21st. Except, Victoriaâs not in it. Itâs all catered to her and for her. Just like all the sugary drinks that Trinity keeps feeding her. Victoria doesnât know if itâs the alcohol or what, but she can feel her eyes burning every time she thinks a little too hard about this. Not exactly the quintessential bar crawl nearly every 21 year old seems to have, but something that they knew sheâd prefer a lot more.
Sheâll have to thank Trinity for this down the line.
For now, she focuses her attention back on the presentations and the cold drink in her hand. Dennis is up first, quick to set the group off in giggles when the title of his presentation, Correctly Milking a Cow (Interactive Presentation), comes on screen. True to the title, Dennis is equipped with gloves to simulate the milking process. He walks through the process, demonstrating on his glove, and encouraging them to try it. Theyâre giggling nonstop, the dyed water inside the gloves spilling in some cases, but itâs incredibly fun. Victoria laughs herself to tears when Trinityâs glove nearly bursts. They have to take a breather after that presentation.
As the others clean up the water around them, Victoria feels her phone buzz along her leg. She pulls it out to find a message from Mateo.
mateođđ©șdamn, no invite?
victoriaâš?????
She watches the typing animation on her screen and waits for her response. Sheâs distracted by Melâs light tap on her shoulder.
âFeeling alright?â
Victoria grins easily at Mel, warmth coursing through her body, âPhenomenal!â
Mel laughs a little, shaking her head a bit, âPerfect. Want another drink?â
Victoria nods enthusiastically, and Mel grins at her before leaving her alone with her phone again. She looks back down to see that Mateo had responded to her.
mateođđ©șwhitaker told me he canât game with me tonight cause he was celebrating your birthday
mateođđ©șand i didnt get an invite đ mateođđ©șsantos also sent a picture of you in the groupchat[screenshot.jpg]
Victoriaâs eyebrows scrunch at the image Mateo sends. Itâs a screenshot of a group chat titled âbambi protection squadâ. In it, she can see that Trinity had sent a picture of Victoria. Sheâd caught her mid laugh with her mouth open and her eyes scrunched, glossy tear tracks covering her face. One hand holds her drink, and the other holds her stomach in the moment. There are three heart reactions in the picture. Victoriaâs stomach twists a little at the pretense of Mateo liking a picture of her. She responds to Mateo before she can sit on that for too long.
victoriaâšto be fair i didnât even know it was happening
mateođđ©ș laughed at âto be fair i didnât even know it was happeningâ
mateođđ©șyou having fun?
Thereâs another little twist of something at the pit of her stomach. She tries not to dwell on it.
victoriaâš yeah!!! dennis taught us about milking cows LOL
victoriaâšhe says that next time heâs gonna teach us horseback riding! suuuper excited for that
mateođđ©șeasy cowgirl, dont go having too much fun without me
victoriaâš laughed at âeasy cowgirl, dont go having too much fun without meâ
She knows that Mateoâs not doing it on purpose. Knows heâs just someone whoâs naturally funny and kind to others. That doesnât stop the warmth blooming in her stomach, creeping up her chest at his words. Thereâs another part of her that reminds her that this is platonic. That he doesnât want her. She can feel the inner turmoil starting, her thoughts wrestling each other as Victoria digests the short conversation.Â
She doesnât get to dwell on it long, a few moments later another text comes in from someone Victoriaâs not really expecting.
high functioning caffeine addict âhappy birthday sproutđż[flower_in_bloom.gif]
Victoria glances around at the cups in front of her, counting them all. The alcohol must be working fast, she thinks to herself, because she can feel herself getting overly warm. She needs to slow down, maybe drink some water. This canât be a normal reaction to a text message.
victoriaâš loved âhappy birthday sproutđżâ
victoriaâš loved an image
victoriaâš
[smiling_cat.jpg]
She decides thatâs enough of her phone for now. Otherwise, sheâs sure sheâll embarrass herself saying something stupid. God knows she doesnât need any more of that after the year sheâs had.
Mel slides another cup into Victoriaâs hand as they all settle down to continue with the presentations. Samiraâs is up next, her culinary rotations pass around the group as she gives her presentation on 10 Foods That Saved My Ass During Med School. Her cooking is incredible, very on brand for Samira, and sheâs linked video recipes for Victoria to follow along. Sheâd even gone ahead and included a list of her favorite Southeast Asian grocery stores in the area. Sheâs tearing up by the end of it, touched that Samira would offer her something sheâd been begging her mother to pass on to her. Pleading for the generational knowledge, and having it be sidetracked by her medical education. Itâs not lost on Victoria how special it is for Samira to share this with her.
Samira settles down next to her as Mel gears up for her presentation on Household Items That Changed My Life. All of the items have an incredibly detailed review, ranked according to a meticulous rubric that Mel herself had crafted. Honestly, if Mel wasnât a doctor Victoriaâs convinced she could be a saleswoman because sheâd managed to convince Victoria that she actually does need a Typhur sync thermometer for cooking. Her amazon list has gotten significantly longer for sure.
Finally, itâs Trinityâs turn. Sheâd been smart to save herself for last because the drinks had absolutely settled in Victoriaâs stomach. Sheâs feeling ridiculously warm and free right now. Itâs why she starts giggling as soon as she sees Trinityâs bright blue and yellow presentation called How to Break Javadi Out of Prison (aka her parents' house). There are little pixelated sprites dancing around on the corners of the screen that send her into an absolute fit. The alcohol makes her perception absolute shit because it takes her a lot longer to notice that theyâre not just random pixelated icons but icons of the five of them.
Victoriaâs wheezing so hard itâs difficult for her to speak, but she finally manages in between laughs. âHow much time did you spend on this?â
Trinity grins back at her, swaying on the balls of her feet, âA long fucking time! I had to make it good!â
It sets her off again, the others in the group laughing at Trinityâs antics and Victoriaâs deteriorating state. Trinity shakes her head, her grin widening as she grabs the clicker to get started. In all honesty, Victoria had expected a throwaway presentation from Trinity, but the first slide alone had Victoria bursting into tears.
Titled, Why Victoria Deserves to be Free, Trinity starts off with an incredibly jovial tone. It contradicts the state of manifestation that Victoria finds herself in during Trinityâs readout. Itâs not that she doesnât think she deserves to be free; she is very aware that she does, but itâs the fact that itâs coming from Trinity that floors her. Victoria hadnât expected to build a true friendship, let alone any sort of camaraderie with Trinity after her first day. But in spite of it all, Trinity had seamlessly become a strong pillar in her support system.
Itâs shockingly touching.
The content of the slide does nothing to help resolve Victoriaâs state of tears and snot. It actually gets much worse.
đźâš Why Victoria deserves to be free âšđź â Deserves to live for herself â Needs to learn who she is apart from her parents â Sheâs too great to keep hidden away â A world with Victoria Javadi free is a better world for us to live in â We desperately need her for Trivia Night
No amount of wiping can keep Victoriaâs face dry. Wet, hot tears just keep coming at a steady pace. Trinity laughs it off, but even through her tears, Victoria can make out the glassy look of her eyes. Samira slides an arm around her, supporting her, while Dennis rubs her other arm. From Samiraâs left, Mel shoots her a small, encouraging smile that Victoria tries to match with her own wobbly smile.Â
The presentation, apart from this slide, is deeply unserious. Itâs filled with cartoonish ways to get Victoria out from under her parents' thumb and her childhood home. One of the suggestions is for her to just move into the Pitt under the guise of maximum studying. The most outlandish one concocted involves a high-level crime that Victoria gets framed for, which leads to her disappearance as she goes into hiding, faking her death, only for her name to be cleared and be able to come back as Victoria Javadi and be able to live on her own. Itâs all so ridiculous that Victoria finds herself laughing so hard her stomach hurts again, her eyes now drier but puffy.Â
Sheâs so full of love for the people in this room it overwhelms her.
It all bubbles over when Trinity's last slide comes on screen. Three simple words: Victoria moves out. Simple, concise, as if it would ever be that easy for her. As if Eileen Shamsi had ever made any singular part of Victoriaâs life uncomplicated, had left room for anything to be negotiated.
She can feel this thing in her chest unfurling, releasing all this pent up emotion she had been storing for all 21 years of her life. Itâs unknown but familiar to her, somehow. Sensations that sheâd felt for a mere moment flared in the middle of an argument before she felt herself retreating. Victoriaâs mouth feels like cotton, her throat constricts, for the first time, she lets herself think of how unfair this all is. Itâs never easy for her. God knows if sheâll ever get to experience that luxury.
She tells Trinity as much, struggling through choked sobs. âItâs never going to be that simple for me Trin.â
The playfulness of the presentations is forgotten as Victoriaâs melancholy seeps out of her body. Sheâd started trembling at some point. Samira had pulled her closer, rubbing her shoulder to try and calm her. Whitaker looked a little helpless, holding a cup of water for her. Trinity had moved to join them, kneeling in front of her, eyebrows scrunched together as she takes in Victoria.
âTough conversations are never easy, babes,â Trinity says, taking Victoriaâs hand, âBut you have to get them done to get the freedom you deserve.â
âI just donât know what I could do, what I could say, to get her to agree.â She knows sheâs being whiny, letting herself succumb to the same fear thatâs been keeping her trapped all these years, but she canât help it. Every conversation, every argument, every choice that has been made for her, Â for her sake, weighs on her. Itâs frightening and frustrating all at the same time, and it freezes her.
Then, Mel, sweet angel Mel, pipes up from Samiraâs left. Voice gentle and kind, âWhat about a presentation?â
Victoria canât help the laugh of disbelief that bubbles out of her at the suggestion. â A frilly and cutesy presentation to convince Eileen Shamsi she should free me?â
Melâs eyebrows come together just like they do when sheâs concentrating on a patient, âWith data, of course. Sheâs a doctor. Her entire field and way of life are fueled by data and facts. Itâs worth a shot.â
Victoria shakes her head, the alcohol makes her exaggerate the action, âAnd then what?â She leans forward a bit with conviction, Trinity and Dennis both hold their hands out to steady her, âI donât even know where Iâd go if I could move out.â
Whitaker and Santos share a look, an unspoken conversation shared in a single second.
âYouâll figure it out, V. Itâs okay,â Samiraâs voice soothes.Â
Santos clears her throat, clapping her hands, which startles Mel. âAlso, you could literally just move in with me and Dennis anyway.â
Samira and Mel share a look while Victoriaâs mouth drops open, a questionable squeak leaving her mouth.Â
Santos just shrugs at her, âOur lease is up in a few weeks, and our landlord offered us a three bedroom for the same price. Didnât have any plans for a third room, so itâs yours if you want it.â
Victoria canât make a sound. She canât move; sheâs stuck in place as her mind takes the time to process all sheâs heard. Itâs a bit of time before she grasps Trinity and Dennis' hands and nods. Some part of her canât help but think that this is all a hallucination conjured up by her deeply inebriated brain, but thereâs a small tendril of hope that sheâs grabbed hold of. With no intention of letting go.
For once, Victoria Javadi sees hope in front of her. Years before she expected it.
Trinity Santos glows like an angel in front of her and says, âAlright. Lets get started on this fucking presentation.â














