#yellowjackets310

"Selfishly, as much as I would’ve loved a counterpart to stay on the show forever, on the other side, I’m kind of happy I never had to share Mari. I got to keep her all to myself." — Alexa Barajas

We all agreed when we came back that we could keep the past in the past. That we would protect one another. As long as we kept our secrets, all of us. And what'd she do? She keeps her journals in a place where her husband can find them, she... murders her lover, she mutilated her ex.

I've tried for years to remember what happened out there, to understand why it seemed like I couldn't remember so much of it. Why none of us could. I'm finally starting to realize, we can't remember it because at some point we became so alive in that place that we lost our capacity for self-reflection. The trauma people say survivors forget things to protect themselves because they were so horrible, but I think we can't or won't remember it clearly because we recognize, deep down, that we were having so much fun. That's the terrible truth we left out there, buried. Along with the people we called our friends.

I thought that was the point. The Wilderness decides. And It will, but our job is still to keep each other safe, which starts with neither of us drawing that card.

I'm done forgetting, Van. Starting now. I'm gonna remember all of it. All of you, and all of me.