!!Yellowjackets s3 spoilers!!

*cracks knuckles*

So, I was rewatching Yellowjackets instead of paying attention to homework again and got to that lovely scene where Tai approaches Van and goes "Hey if we go back we can't be together anymore can we?" and I was thinking about it in the context of what Liv said about Van making up stories to get herself through things- and while yes, this episode is Van's turning point to realising her little stories could be entirely wrong, she's not quiittteee at that point yet. Before Kodi dies, she's still fine with her self-gaslighting. So, looking at this scene with that lense.....it breaks me, a little bit.

First off:

Look me in the eyes and tell me this ain't other Tai. I'm like 99% certain this conversation is Other Tai which almost makes it more interesting- (bro wrote this before i finished rewatching the scene it was explicitly other tai because the eyeless man is there i forgor) Anyways, Tai and Van are talking:

"Do you really think the world has changed that much?"

"I'm optimistic."

"Why?"

"Because.........me."

When Van says the initial "I'm optimistic" her voice is low, she's sounds a little annoyed, its more of a demand than it is an answer. "this is okay, it has to be okay, we're okay" If she can convince Tai, she's done her job, she's kept everyone happy and positive and safe, and she can believe it too. But when it comes to the "Because......Me" there is a noticeable shift from this stern, demanding tone into something a little softer. You can see her search for a moment, trying to find a reason she can latch onto- but she can't find one, she can't find any reason to think the world is suddenly all good with people like herself and Tai, so she pretty much blatantly says the only reason she has going for her: "Me." because that's what she does. She picks whatever "truths" keep her and everyone else going and doesn't even consider an alternative. The "Me" statement is both a moment of introspect almost, and a callout for the audience to her habits. She's picked her story, that they can go back, and everyone will be fine with them being together, or they can just hide like they did before, and it'll be all good.

And then there's Tai. Standing there, telling her all the reasons, that this inaccurate! She's breaking the illusion! Back off, other Tai! We like denial in this household!! But here's Tai telling her why her stories are wrong and I find Van's reactions incredibly interesting (especially in contrast with their card scene in episode 10)

She's sitting there looking at the invisible camera in the office like "guys are you seeing this-" and at one point, even looks slightly amused. Given what we already know about Van, and how she uses humour as a coping mechanism, I would not put it past her to be a nervous laugher (speaking from personal experience). Van's reaction is akin to if Tai had just said something like "oh btw misty just turned into a squirrel"- she's in disbelief, finds it a little amusing, and slightly stupid. Because to her, the answer is obvious- It's not a problem, its never going to be a problem, we're going home and its all fine.

"Why is nobody thinking about this?"

"Because getting rescued. And going home. Outweighs- all of that."

"So just...go get a bag, and lets put some shit in it!"

Van's line here is pretty reminiscent of how she talks to Travis about eating Javi. It's authoritative, almost rehearsed, like she's said it to herself a million times. "We're getting rescued. We're going home. And don't worry about anything else because this is the only important thing." It's a statement that she could easily tell herself and likely has been telling herself to keep her going. And it's the same thing she'll tell Tai because she's the storyteller, she is the one who keeps them all calm, and that's her job. Just wanted to point out how this plays into my previous Vanalysis about her gaslighting herself with narratives of how everything is justified and will play out fine. Van then directly contrasts this rehearsed, demanding tone with a more lighthearted "go get a bag, lets pack". She's trying to shift the conversation back to "yayyy rescue!!!" because that is the narrative she's decided on and that is the narrative everyone else is gonna hear from her.

And yet, when Tai "walks away" and Van thinks she's alone?