Ever been so broke you have to sleep for dinner?
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Ever been so broke you have to sleep for dinner?

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grabs you by your throat
if you remember what this page used to look like,
no you fucking don’t.
Have you ever felt like your heart was literally getting strangled by someone else's words. like their words actually wrapped around your heart and crushed it .. like a hand squeezing a stress ball ?
She ain't retarded she's shy
Rocky

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How do I do it?
How do I show you that I do care? How do I make it seem like I'm not just being cold and indifferent? What am I supposed to say to prove to you that I'm not just a hollow fucking shell like you think I am? What can I say to make any of this better?
I think that's my problem.
I have no idea what I'm supposed to say. You think I've been in this situation before? You think I have experience, that I'm confident in a plan of action? No. I'm not. I have no clue what to do. I'm terrified that what you're saying is going to come true and there's not a god damned thing on this earth I can do to stop it.
Not one thing I could do, that I know of.
Yet that's what you need; confirmation. you need to know that I'm not just sitting here ignoring you, sluffing you off like some acquataintance I hardly care about. That's how it seems I'm acting, i know, but I don't know how the alternative is supposed to look like in this situation. Is this where I pull out the sappy words? Is there where I try to say or make you feel like everything is going to be okay?
Would any of that even work? Would there be a point?
I don't know. That's my problem. It's not that I don't care. I care a fuck ton. I've been thinking about nothing but how to get out of this hole but nothing comes to mind because I just don't know what to do.
Would apologizing even make a difference at this point? You tell me.
Would trying to talk you down make a difference? Probably not, it's been getting progressively less effective with each one of your breakdowns.
So where does that leave me? What options do I have anymore?
Please, if you have the answer, tell me. I'd love to know
And I wouldn't be asking if I didn't care, now would I?
I wouldn't pick up every single one of your calls would I?
I wouldn't go get your sweatshirt out of your car when you're being too lazy, would I?
I wouldn't have put up with you for this long if i didn't care, would I?
Would I have taken care of you while you recovered from your wisdom teeth operation?
Would I have helped your mom with the dog when she needed to go to the vet if I didn't care?
Seems like a massive fucking waste of my time if I didn't, doesn't it?
I do care. Stop pushing me for a reaction. I don't even know what the fuck I'm supposed to do.