#yeah man?

Who let me grow up? I'm suppose to be an adult now, but I still view myself as a child. I have to make my own food and do my own laundry. I have to have a job (now two) in order to make money to pay for university. I've reached this point of "oh god, what have I gotten myself into?"

I'm not regretting attending university, not by a long shot, but I'm getting so overwhelmed with everything that I just sit back and wonder, why the hell am I doing this to myself. I've gone past the "oh god, what am I doing" to "oh god, can I do this?" Life is crazy. I want to be happy, but I'm having a hard time finding reasons to be happy.

Like don't get me wrong, I have a great life. I have a best friend who I love unconditionally, an roommate who isn't a bitch (most of the time), a few other friends here and there. I have a place to call home that isn't with my parents because living at home with my overbearing, overprotective parents who forced me to live in a bubble under a rock for 18 years sucked. But now I'm out on my own. But I've reached a point where I don't know what makes me happy anymore. I feel like I have so much apathy right now that it makes me feel like I'm drowning sometimes, and that confuses me. I have so many reasons to be happy, but it's hard to find joy in them, you know what I mean?

I don't know what is a head. My sister is trying to get me to go to counseling, but I hate talking about my past. I want to be happy, I truly do. But sometimes it's hard, you know? Maybe it's time to start cleaning up my life and starting with the people in my life that are such a negative influence that are causing me harm. Maybe it is time that I allow myself to be mean and try to be confrontational. But that is so hard since I'm pretty sure I don't have a bad bone in my body and I am the least confrontational person on the face of the planet. I'm too nice and I don't speak up when things are bothering me. There is so much I need to change in my life I guess.