Man, getting swimsuits can be such a challenge sometimes bc I have a good chunk of insecurities about my body. I seldom showcase them, though, or at least I try not to? Like, I seldom like to speak negatively about myself. Years ago, when I had all of 2.5 followers (lol), I set my mind on never normalizing hating my body or my image on my blog. I struggle. I have my anxieties. But, I thought that if I wanted to be supportive of anyone who follows me, of any of my friends, of anybody reading this, I couldnāt lift anyone up if I was tearing myself down. I donāt want to be a hypocrite, you know? I donāt want to give voice to self-hatred and poison my own well and then turn around and advocate otherwise. Itās been a process!!
So, swimsuits. Two pieces especially, and how anything that shows my core provokes anxiety. All summer Iāve been trying to find something that fits right, that feels right, and itās a herculean tag. Iāve got no ass and very slight hips and then Iām busty as fuck (proportionate to my body, that is) so things are often perfect on the bottom, impossibly tight on top. And then I feel all funky about my middle, right?
Well, Iāve set my mind for a few years now on challenging that. On wearing two pieces. On looking at my body with less scorn. A little while ago, I bought a swuimsuit I was a bit anxious about bc it has a cut out right on the tummy. And even a little underboob situation going on, too. I wasnāt gonna buy it, I was sure Iād feel all sorts of bad, but I was really lucky in that I got the advice of a friend who loves me. Just her opinion on what looked cuter, coupled with the sense that she truly loves me and sees me with kinder eyes than i see myself, pushed me to do the thing that kinda spooked me. I tried it on now and I was admittedly nervous but I ??! I look so fucking cute? I look so damn cute!! I donāt even wanna take it off!!