It's time for prom.  Pack your shit.  Get your sparkle dress glowsticks or whatever it is your kids think qualifies as "formal wear" these days and get ready to get on the bus this Saturday at 9 PM sharp.  Apparently your little kids week spot with Degrassi Jr High Edition was so successful that the networks want you to have another hoe-down with the big kids.

A few words about prom:

Attendance is mandatory.

Dates are mandatory.  And no, I don't want to see any of that 'five girls we're all friends here' holding hands rosy poesy nonsense.  This isn't Space Utah.

Any recruit who is unable to procure a date and/or attend will be subject to the B-Room.  If you're curious about whether or not you'd enjoy the quality rehabilitation that the B-Room has to offer, just ask your friend Raven.

Anyone caught spiking the punch further than it is already spiked will be subjected to a makeover courtesy of Hilton Arts.

Upstairs has a special surprise planned for all prom-goers at the end of the event, so no skipping out early.  No exceptions.  I'm not wasting my time chaperoning you punks for nothing.

Guess what, punks.  Just because you realize now that I don't have a doctorates in putting up with a bunch of mealy mouthed whining doesn't mean that I'm not still in charge of you brats.  "Oh, but Counselor Yates, we know you're just an actor who isn't getting paid nearly enough to shuttle our candy asses around!  Can't we all just be bestest friends and skip on down to the teddy bear fair please?"

Answer: No.

I worked good and hard to get the job I have today, and if you think I'm gonna drop things just because you punks think you're "too good" to play by the rules, you've got another thing coming.  So you'd better remember: when Sir Harrison Yates puts on a character, he stays in it.

Next order of business.  Shuttle off-planet leaves at noon.  Pack some clothes and pens for signing autographs and blah blah blah whatever.  HQ has some universal translators and fancy outfits for you punks anyway; not that you deserve anything for breaking and entering and the little matter of almost getting the show canceled.  We're dropping you punks off at Vega 5 for the start of the show, where John Edwards will read all your fortunes as a publicity stunt or something.  I don't really care.  After that, find your own transportation for hitting the other six planets in the solar system.  If you're too pathetic to even do that, the shuttle will pick you back up on Friday to take you to the drag cruise.  Don't accidentally get yourselves murdered by angry aliens, I guess.

((OOC: Stuck on what to do?  Feel free to use these friendly suggestions for what the environments of the various planets are like:

Vega 5: Futurama's New New York with bustling modern cities and lots of fans of the show.

Vega 4: Star Wars Tatooine.  Actually, it's not even Tatooine, it's just the cantina.  Cantina after cantina after cantina.  A planet of cantinas.  They run a cantina-based economy.

Vega 3: Okay, this is Tatooine.

Vega 2: Hitchhiker's Guide's Ursa Minor Beta: lots of beaches, lots of seaside bars, piers, carnivals, and casinos.

Name: Wendy Testaburger

Age: 17 years old

Body Type: Highly athletic. She has the ability to run fast for long periods of time, and also moves silently. Has been seen to scale tall buildings or walls quickly and quietly.

Third-Person, Completely Objective Profile: Manipulative and cunning, Wendy always manages to land on her feet no matter the situation. Her high intelligence proves to be an asset, as she can come up with fool-proof plans with barely any effort. Vicious, tough, and known to be bloodthirsty. Wendy seems to be innocent and sweet, until she attacks. Very in touch with the human psyche, and can accurately predict someone's next move or outsmart any opponent. 

Acts that Have Proven That I Am Loyal And Capable Of This Position:

   Let's just say that I have big plans that will prove my loyalty to the Bieber that will be revealed soon.

Other Qualifications:

Fluent in Six Different Languages (Arabic, Korean, German…etc.)

High Intelligence

Many Connections With Different Organizations (Able to get a woman shot into the sun at will)

Knowledge of Human Body (i.e. Pressure points used to knock out victims)

Knowledge of Politics

Physical Strength (Trained in hand to hand combat)

Intense Focus

Other Notes: I can assure you, I deserve this position as guard. I'm a hard worker, fast learning, and physically/mentally strong. I would never deceive the Bieber, and will do anything and everything I can to reach the goal; higher ratings. Not choosing me would be a devastating loss. Word of advice, Don't fuck With Wendy Testaburger

Well, well, well.  This is just what I need - more of you disrespectful punks running around when highers up are making me drag you sorry brats all the way up to Denver.  If it was up to me, your asses would be grasses.  Kentucky Blue style.  Just because you're some big, hot shot musicians now doesn't mean you deserve a trip to Beiberfest 2012, but I guess that's what you're getting.  Field trip is from July 31st - August 7th, and we leave at 9 AM sharp.  You miss the big pink bus, you get left behind - no exceptions.  HQ wants you to bring your instruments and your Sunday best, so don't even think about embarrassing the SPRC by meeting The Almighty Beiber in some hot mess from Gomez Mart.  You may be going outside the wall for the first time, but let me just remind you that my word is the law. Samoht.  You're in the Ron Jeremy House. Tucker.  You get the Banks House all to your lonesome.  Try not to mess up the place.

Short and sweet this time, scumbags.  First, welcome our newest recruits: Bridon Gueermo and Henrietta Biggle.  Biggle, you're in Paula Dean House.  Don't let me catch you glooming it up; we have enough of that emo vampire crap around here already.  Gueermo, since North has decided to cuddle up next to his boyfriend in the Ron Jeremy House, you're assigned to Phil Collins.  I've got my eye on you, kiddo.  Word on the street is that you play a pretty mean set of vocal chords.  You punks should take a page from Bridon here - that's just the sort of know-how we need to see more of around here.  So pick up the pace, and don't let this little newbie show you up. Second.  Vote awards or whatever.  Each of you have received a coupon for a mandatory romantic dinner for two at Chi-Chi's, a limited edition painting of One Direction, and a manicure. Christophe DeLorn. Gregory Langsdale. S-Wow Tittybang. Eric Cartman. We've got some negative nancies this week too.  You scumbags better step up your A-Game - HQ wants to see more of you.  So you better stop making me look bad, or else I'm going to have to pull out the big guns.  I'd better see both of you in the BBB Room at 8 PM sharp.  And I'd better see a short essay of no less than a paragraph on why pop culture has changed your life and/or why the South Park Rehabilitation Center is so great.  No slacking. Bebe Stevens. Rebecca Cotswolds.