Long For You
Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin x gn!reader AU/Trope/Genre: Lovers to still lovers, Angst, fluff(?), hurt/comfort Warnings: regret, crying(?), lovesick, miscommunication, nothing really WC:1K Song rec: Long for you - Hyunjin A.N.:No bc after dropping that how’d he expect us to react(RAGHHHHHHHHHHH PLS IM SORRY ILL TREAT YOU BETTER)
~~~ You stare at the white tulip. A singular white tulip sent to you this morning from Hyunjin. Another apology letter to accompany it. Something about not being able to come home tonight even when he promised you he would.
That singular white tulip going to wilt and rot away like the rest. Forgotten just like his empty promises.
The feeling of your relationship slowly collapsing hurts your heart to the core. You wish it didn’t but there’s not much you can do. Everyone around you thinks you’re a match made in heaven. But it’s not the way you think this is.
You’re beginning to think that this love is all you and nothing left of him.
~~~ Hyunjin doesn’t return home until the end of the week. He notices your distance from him. He wants to take your hand in his and ask you what could possibly be wrong. But he refrains from it.
Maybe it was better for you to fall out of love with him.
As much as he loves you he knows what your parents think. “He’s no good for you y/n. It’ll only be so long before he leaves you for someone else. Take one look at him and you can tell that he’s a skank. Leave him. He’ll just break your heart.”
He can only think that your parents are right. Not the fact that he'd leave you for somebody else. But that he's no good for you and he'll never be.
It can only be so long before you get sick of his long schedule. No one wants to be stood up on every date and left to wait for the others arrival.
How many nights were you up waiting for him to come home? How many dinners were eaten with your only company being the silence that hung in the air? How many tears have you cried in his absence?
Those are the questions that float around his mind as he watches you peacefully sleep on your side of the bed. He can't help but reach his hand out to caress your face. A soft smile slowly trickled to his lips as he does.
These are the kind of moments he can only have as you sleep. But when you grab his arm he thinks he's almost been caught until you nuzzle your face into his arm. His heart warms at the sight but he knows he can't let his hopes get too high.
He notices the tears stains that line along your face. He doesn't fail to notice that his heart breaks instead.
"Don't go..." He can faintly hear you say. Oh how he wishes that he could stay with you until the next morning but work calls. What can he do. ~~~ When you awaken Hyunjin's side of the bed was empty. You could've sworn he came home last night and that you held on to him. Maybe it was all a dream again. Just as it always had been.
You want to cry but there are no tears left. Your mouth feels dry and your head hurts from the breakdown you had last night. Back before Hyunjin became famous he'd hold you in his arms and automatically made it better. But there were no one left to wrap you in their embrace.
Forcing yourself out of bed you make yourself a quick breakfast. But it only includes a peeled orange and a cup of tea. The same oranges you used to peel for Hyunjin because it was an act of love you wanted to show him. But who were you supposed to do it for now?
You quickly shake those thoughts from your mind. Opting to turn on the tv instead to hopefully drown out the voices in your head. But to no avail. You can barely make out the words the characters are saying as the voices come rushing back in.
He’s tired of you.
He doesn’t love you.
You’re pathetic.
Nothing but a toy.
Too naive for your own good.
He’ll never need you.
Just a nuisance in his life.
Suddenly everything becomes so loud. The voices coming from all over. The buzz of the refrigerator. The dripping of the water from the kitchen faucet. The sound of the vents blowing air. The lights become too bright and your eyes burn. It’s all too much.
You rush around the house. Shutting off the tv. Unplugging the fridge. Turning the faucet all the way down so no more water would drip. Disabling the air ventilation from continuously flowing. Drawing the curtains and switching off all the lights until you finally felt at peace.
After finishing you sat down in the middle of the floor. Knees pulled up to your chest and arms wrapped around them. You dropped your head down and you felt your tears run. It never got this bad. Hyunjin would be able to calm you down in these circumstances. But where was he now. The questions swirled around and made your mind dizzy.
Your sobbing hadn’t ceased until you fell asleep. There on the floor. The cold tiles being your only comfort in the silenced room. ~~~ Being faced with the darkness and silence when returning home wasn’t anything new to Hyunjin. Except that it was the evening on Friday only about 5 p.m.
The curtains were never drawn this early. When the two of you first moved in you made a rule to always open up the curtains to let the sunlight stream in and put the day to a joyful start.
He also noticed how cold it was. He was sure the heater was on to at least 64. Why was it nearly freezing? Winters in Korea are no joke.
Hyunjin stumbled around until he found the light switch and he turned the heat back up. That was when he finally saw you lying on the floor in the middle of the kitchen.
“Y/n!!” He nearly screamed.
You instantly jolted from your slumber trying to force your eyes open but the lights were too bright.
“T-turn off the lights. Please.” Your voice felt hoarse. You felt like you couldn’t breathe and your lungs were rejecting the oxygen.
Hyunjin was quick to do what you requested before stumbling his way back to you. “Are you okay baby? What happened?”
“Water.” You said dryly.
“What was that baby?”
“I need water.”
“O-okay baby. Wait just a minute.” He fumbled around trying to grab a glass and fill it up with water.
You grew worried. His movements were too faint. You bagel to panic. “Hyunnie..?”
“I’m here baby. Right here.” He found his way back to you and knelt down by your side. He reached for your hand and gently wrapped it around the cup. It was cold to the touch contrasting the warmth radiating off of Hyunjin.
After you drank the entire cup, he took it from you and placed it in the sink. He carefully placed his hands on either sides of your body and slowly lifted you up. And you let him.
He carried you all the way to the bedroom and settled you into the sheets. He knew how you got so he went to fix everything else. But before he could leave you grabbed his hand.
“Please stay. Don’t go.” How could he reject that? He slipped under the covers right with you and took you into his arms.
Oh how you missed this feeling. You couldn’t help but cry. Clenching onto his shirt you let your tears flow freely.
“Baby what’s wrong?” He asked the question but he knew the answer. You were in pain because of him. He couldn’t believe he let it get to this point where you had to break down in his hold.
You pulled him in tighter and buried your face into the crook of his neck. “It’s nothing. I just.. I just miss you so much. I missed this so much. I missed us so much.” Everything felt so much better now that he was with you. But you still doubted whether he love you.
“Tell me, Hwang Hyunjin. Do you still love me?” His heart broke. He didn’t believe there would ever be a day you would doubt his love for you. “What? Why would you ever think that? I love you y/nnie. With everything in me. All I’ve ever done is all for you. All I’ve ever accomplished was because of you.”
He pulled you away from your hiding place and cupped your face in his hands. “Don’t ever think for even a second that I don’t love you. You’re my everything. I couldn’t live without you. You mean absolutely the most to me. There’s not a moment that I don’t think of you. Long for you. I know how much you have to wait for me. But I promise it’s all the same for me. I love you so much.”
His forehead was pressed against yours as he leaned in for a kiss. When you didn’t reject it he finally pressed his lips against yours. Finally being able to take in the moment and relish in each other’s company. ~~~ Both of you ended up falling asleep and not wanting to awaken until the sun rose and peeked through the curtains. You woke up first and slowly but surely opened your eyes. You heard Hyunjin’s soft breaths coming from beside you.
A soft smile came to your lips naturally. It’d been forever since you got to wake up with him. You took your pointer finger and softly traced his facial features. It wasn’t until you got to his lips that you realized he was awake when he opened it to bite your finger.
“Ah—”
“What are you doing, hmm?” He nuzzled his nose into your neck causing you to giggle. “You just looked so peaceful and so handsome I couldn’t resist.”
You could feel him smiling against your skin. His cheeks warming at your comment. “Mmm.” He sighed relieved that you were finally okay again.
“I think I should go and plug in the refrigerator before the milk spoils.” Your boyfriend looks up at you with confusion is his eyes. “I unplugged it last night.” You said with a guilty chuckle. ~~~ The two of you spent the rest of the day doing activities you used to do with each other. As you were messing on the bookshelf a photo album dropped from the top shelf. On the front was written, “My love<3”
You chuckled at the sight of your foolish high school writing and called Hyunjin from the kitchen.
“Look what I found. It’s our photos from high school.” Hyunjin groaned at the sight. “Don’t remind me how horrible I looked then.” When he saw you frown he mentally face-palmed himself.
“What do you mean Hwang Hyunjin. You were my little cutie.” You pouted and jutted your bottom lip out. “Never mind. I’ll just put this back.”
“Wait baby. Let’s look at it. It’s been a minute since we’ve looked through them anyway.”
Hyunjin settled on the couch and pulled you into his lap, eliciting a squeal from you. “I’ll just look over your shoulder.” He said after you expressed your concern of him not being able to see it.
Hours passed as you flipped through the pages and remembered the stories behind each one. That was until you got to the one with you standing in the snow and reading a book. You looked at him surprised.
“When did you take this picture?”
“I took it during senior year and you were so worried about your studies and nearly walked out to the road. I took it because you looked so pretty with the snow falling around you and your furrowed brows, so concentrated on the book. You were so beautiful. It was before we began dating and that was the time I longed for your attention the most.”
“Am I not beautiful now?” You asked with a frown.
”You’re the most beautiful no matter what.” He reassured you.
“Do you not long for me anymore? Or is that just for your first love?”
He rested his head on your shoulder, inhaling your scent. White tulip. Your favorite flowers. Then he spoke.
“I’ll always long for you.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thanks for reading!! I think this will be one of my last fics before I go. Hope you enjoyed it!!
Taglist: @jinnie-ret @kailee08
